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What Think The Board Of My Nickname For Rams QB

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Sep 12th

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How Do We Feel About The Nickname Jared Goof?

  • Aaaaawwwww Yeeeaaaaahh!!!

    Votes: 2 33.3%
  • Boo. Dumb.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • This is Childish, Sir, There Is A Game To Study For

    Votes: 1 16.7%
  • Marvin Harrison Killed A Man With A Rare Belgian Gun

    Votes: 3 50.0%

  • Total voters
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Hercules Rockefeller

2nd Team Getting Their First Start
2020 Weekly NFL Picks Winner
Hello Pats Fans Dot Com,

Hercules Rockefeller here. You may know me as the idiot reply guy who occasionally gets 3 likes on a post, or you may know me as the guy who just started this thread, but either way, everyone here knows that it is good to be back in the Super Bowl. And everyone who eats the tape, who grinds the film like Jaws and Merrill, needs a break once in a while to rest their eyes and drink some water and see their loved ones before heading back to the cave to devour the all-22. But the best film-devourers also know how important it is to have a nickname for the opposing quarterback that everyone can rally around.

Good news! I think I have that nickname. But first, let's review why this is important:

--- Last year, the team played a backup quarterback. His was such an elite nickname that, in hindsight, we should have seen it coming. Luckily, the Los Angeles Rams quarterback, Jared Goff, has no chance of competing in this department with Big Dick Nick.

--- Matt Ryan has what at first glance appears to be a cool nickname, and he was cruising along until the football gods realized that Natty Ice is swill and punished Mr. Ryan for thinking he could fool them.

--- Russell Wilson....has no nickname. This is why he was owned so theatrically by Malcolm Butler, the football gods choosing to take the form of the most unknown player on the field, viciously punishing the Seattle QB for not even going by Russ I mean c'mon man do something.

--- Eli Manning I know what everyone who is (still) reading is thinking: Bad logic man, Eli has no nickname this does not fit your thesis. This is true. But Eli is something bigger -- he is a living meme. His oeuvre is so resonant that it is understood viscerally. Mouth agape, hair strewn, a giant boy in shoulder pads, dazed and clumsy, oft inept yet pratfalling upwards, Eli transcends the nickname.

Which brings us to the Quarterback in question, Jared Goff. What about the other quarterbacks the Patriots have played in the Super Bowl, why only the last 5, you ask? Clearly the Nickname Importance Rule is only applicable in the Gronk-era, you rube, what a stupid question. Back to Goff. Nearly broken by Jeff Fisher before being saved by Sean McVay (the most hyped young coach since Jon Gruden), Goff has had an impressive season for the Rams. His name also is only one letter away from being Goof.

Goof is a good nickname. It can be uttered around young and/or prude ears, it can be used with varying degrees of intensity, and it is able to be used as a prefix (-ball, -troop, etc). As an added bonus, you can picture an anthropomorphic cartoon dog when you say the nickname Jared Goof.

When Los Angeles Rams Quarterback Jared Goff throws an incomplete pass or takes a sack or throws a pick six in the Super Bowl, I will be tossing out zingers such as "Nice throw, that was a real Goof-ball" and "More like Jared Goof", and then turning to my friends for high fives. Join me, board! Sound off in the comments and be sure to vote in the poll! Like and subscribe!
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