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I put together a lexicon of names and definitions so that we can converse with Colts fans. Just read the definition and all of their comments will make sense.
Belichick, Bill. An evil, Darth Vader-like supervillain who controls outcomes of football games by black magic, manipulation, and deception. See Shakespeare's Iago.
Brady, Tom. (1) The apotheosis of evil, greed, and overratedness. (2) a system quarterback whose success is made possible by conspiracy, superior talent, and cheating coaches.
Caldwell, Jim. In the context of a Colts' loss, the primary decision-maker and head coach of the Indianapolis Colts; in the context of a Colts' win, an experienced, roster manager who occasionally calls timeouts and hands the reigns to Peyton Manning.
Choker. This definition has been removed.
Courage. Taking out starters in the 15th regular season game, in hopes that killing an undefeated season may remove pressure to keep winning.
Defense. A unit of blue-uniformed players whose job is to give the ball back to Peyton Manning, secure a Peyton Manning victory, and attend to Peyton Manning's needs.
Dungy, Tony. (1) The saintly, white-horsed knight whose modesty has filtered throughout the organization. (2) A great prognosticator of future events.
Harrison, Marvin. A classy, mild-tempered star whose gentle sensibility and amenable attitude make him the antithesis of bad guys like Randy Moss.
Honor. (1) Laying down late in the regular season to rest starters. (2) Playing to win late in the regular season to earn huge accolades such as the "4500 yard mark," the "100 reception season," and the "wide receiving yardage crown."
January. The time of the season when one can rest on the laurels of regular season dominance.
Leadership and Strategy. In the context of a Colts' win (1) Peyton Manning; in the context of a Colts' loss, (2) every other member of the organization, with the exception of Peyton Manning.
Lombardi Trophy. An piece of oily metal that is of secondary importance to "AFC Championship Participant" banners.
M*****, P*****. The name of the lord, which is not to be spoken aloud.
Moore, Tom. An insignificant sideline blob consisting of a blue shirt and headset.
Most Valuable Player. An award given to the biggest darling in the NFL; the standards may change each year to fit his resume.
New England Patriots. A fascist, neo-con organization that has infiltrated the NFL and stolen championships from Peyton Manning.
Offensive Line. A big unit of replaceable players who give Peyton Manning "protection problems."
Pass Interference. Any motion by a defender that attempts to distract or disrupt and pass thrown by Peyton Manning.
Playoff Success. The act of throwing 3 TDs and 7 INTs during a playoff and Super Bowl run.
Polian, Bill. A crotchety, red-faced genius who lobbies for rule changes, complains to upper management, and builds machines for Peyton Manning to throw to.
Porter, Tracy. A herculean cornerback whose superhuman skillset and unfair "film preparation" led to the most flukiest play in NFL history.
September. The time of the season where the best teams hit their pinnacle.
Statistics. In the context of Peyton Manning, the supreme standard by which all quarterbacks must be judged; in the context of Tom Brady, unreliable numbers that don't account for other factors.
Super Bowl MVP. (1) An award given to a quarterback who can put up mediocre numbers in Super Bowl 41 (2) an award not given to a running back who leads his team to victory.
Super Bowl victories. Prior to February 7, 2010, the ultimate standards by which a team and quarterback should be judged; after February 7, 2010, an arbitrary gauge of progress that is more team-oriented than individual-oriented.
Team of the Decade. (1) The team with the most regular season victories during the decade; (2), the team with the most consecutive 12-win seasons.
Wayne, Reggie. A unreliable wide receiver who ran the wrong route in Super Bowl 44.
Wide Receiver. A ball-catching mechanism that has the ability to run routes designed by Peyton Manning and catch footballs thrown by Peyton Manning.
Belichick, Bill. An evil, Darth Vader-like supervillain who controls outcomes of football games by black magic, manipulation, and deception. See Shakespeare's Iago.
Brady, Tom. (1) The apotheosis of evil, greed, and overratedness. (2) a system quarterback whose success is made possible by conspiracy, superior talent, and cheating coaches.
Caldwell, Jim. In the context of a Colts' loss, the primary decision-maker and head coach of the Indianapolis Colts; in the context of a Colts' win, an experienced, roster manager who occasionally calls timeouts and hands the reigns to Peyton Manning.
Choker. This definition has been removed.
Courage. Taking out starters in the 15th regular season game, in hopes that killing an undefeated season may remove pressure to keep winning.
Defense. A unit of blue-uniformed players whose job is to give the ball back to Peyton Manning, secure a Peyton Manning victory, and attend to Peyton Manning's needs.
Dungy, Tony. (1) The saintly, white-horsed knight whose modesty has filtered throughout the organization. (2) A great prognosticator of future events.
Harrison, Marvin. A classy, mild-tempered star whose gentle sensibility and amenable attitude make him the antithesis of bad guys like Randy Moss.
Honor. (1) Laying down late in the regular season to rest starters. (2) Playing to win late in the regular season to earn huge accolades such as the "4500 yard mark," the "100 reception season," and the "wide receiving yardage crown."
January. The time of the season when one can rest on the laurels of regular season dominance.
Leadership and Strategy. In the context of a Colts' win (1) Peyton Manning; in the context of a Colts' loss, (2) every other member of the organization, with the exception of Peyton Manning.
Lombardi Trophy. An piece of oily metal that is of secondary importance to "AFC Championship Participant" banners.
M*****, P*****. The name of the lord, which is not to be spoken aloud.
Moore, Tom. An insignificant sideline blob consisting of a blue shirt and headset.
Most Valuable Player. An award given to the biggest darling in the NFL; the standards may change each year to fit his resume.
New England Patriots. A fascist, neo-con organization that has infiltrated the NFL and stolen championships from Peyton Manning.
Offensive Line. A big unit of replaceable players who give Peyton Manning "protection problems."
Pass Interference. Any motion by a defender that attempts to distract or disrupt and pass thrown by Peyton Manning.
Playoff Success. The act of throwing 3 TDs and 7 INTs during a playoff and Super Bowl run.
Polian, Bill. A crotchety, red-faced genius who lobbies for rule changes, complains to upper management, and builds machines for Peyton Manning to throw to.
Porter, Tracy. A herculean cornerback whose superhuman skillset and unfair "film preparation" led to the most flukiest play in NFL history.
September. The time of the season where the best teams hit their pinnacle.
Statistics. In the context of Peyton Manning, the supreme standard by which all quarterbacks must be judged; in the context of Tom Brady, unreliable numbers that don't account for other factors.
Super Bowl MVP. (1) An award given to a quarterback who can put up mediocre numbers in Super Bowl 41 (2) an award not given to a running back who leads his team to victory.
Super Bowl victories. Prior to February 7, 2010, the ultimate standards by which a team and quarterback should be judged; after February 7, 2010, an arbitrary gauge of progress that is more team-oriented than individual-oriented.
Team of the Decade. (1) The team with the most regular season victories during the decade; (2), the team with the most consecutive 12-win seasons.
Wayne, Reggie. A unreliable wide receiver who ran the wrong route in Super Bowl 44.
Wide Receiver. A ball-catching mechanism that has the ability to run routes designed by Peyton Manning and catch footballs thrown by Peyton Manning.
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