Goodell is backing him now with a $4m report! We're all getting 4 game suspensions for this.
The conclusion of the report is as follows: It is more likely than not that some Patriots fan or fans may or may not have wished, thought, considered, or drew pictures of Mort not so well, and thereby he may or may not have needed to retreat to his safe space and/or receive group therapy, go swimming with dolphins, and/or counseling that may possibly be psychological or even postmenepausal in nature. Mort may have experienced greasy, oily anal discharge, pelvic discomfort, genital warts, severe back acne, premature ejaculatory reflex, PMS, sensitivity of the mammary glands, sore throat, fingertip sensitivity, hot sweats, cold sweats, dead hands, mouth breathing, bad breath, a strong urge to urinate in public fountains, and severe rosacea.
There, I said it.
