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Jesus was just like Bam Bam

Discussion in 'Religion and Lighthearted Discussion' started by everlong, Aug 13, 2010.

  1. everlong

    everlong Rookie

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    #12 Jersey

    Riding on Dinosaurs with Jesus - Spiteful Critic

    This $27 million “**** you” to Charles Darwin opened in May 2007, and presents a “scientifically accurate” history of Earth based on a literal interpretation of the first eleven chapters of the book of Genesis.


    Visitors are greeted by portrayals of the first seven days during which God created everything, starting with light, moving on to birds, and then man from dust and woman from man's blatantly crooked rib. The faithful can then take a stroll through the Garden of Eden (pre- and post-sin) which features animals, dinosaurs, and fig leaf-clad Adam and Eve. They can also swing by and see Noah building the ark, on which he housed 10 million different kinds of animals (including dinosaurs).

    There's more to the story, so flipping funny.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 17, 2010
  2. Mrs.PatsFanInVa

    Mrs.PatsFanInVa PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #12 Jersey

    Holy Sh!t, indeed!!

    That was an awesome article, thanks for posting it.

    I love it....Mary rides into Bethlehem on a dinosaur!!
  3. PatsFanInVa

    PatsFanInVa PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Oh, the arrogance of the modern scientific mind.

    While it is true that going from a religious answer and constructing a psuedo-scientific framework to adjust to the modern frame of inquiry is not science in the usual sense of the word, who was it that told you you need to search for the truth, disregarding belief and faith?

    That's right, science! You, my impressionable friend, are the victim of a worldwide conspiracy based on scientific orthodoxy that demands you to believe patently absurd postulates to be false unless they are established as fact, rather than the other way around.

    You may scoff at people believing these things, but unbeknownst to you, their invisible friend will torture you for eternity. Guess you never thought of that, did you?

    Ha.

    PFnV
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2010
  4. everlong

    everlong Rookie

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    #12 Jersey

    Glad you enjoyed the article as much as I did.

    Will the invisible friend torture me with his invisible dinosaurs? Can I at least pick an invisible triceratops? I figure it's like being mauled by a cow and I can probably outrun them. If it's an invisible velociraptor or something else fast and tricky my eternal ass is toast.
  5. PatsFanInVa

    PatsFanInVa PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    You have no idea of the extent of his lovingkindness. Because he so loves you, and although it greatly pains him, he will do to you whichever of the things you imagine to be worse. Also, if you imagine things worse than getting eaten by dinosaurs, he'll do that to you. Pretty much like Room 101, but it goes forever and ever and ever. The worst thing in the world, from your point of view, forever and ever and ever, but those are just metaphors for what will happen to you if you don't straighten up and fly right. What you will do is get cut off from the love of the invisible friend, the worst kind of torment in the universe, the magnitude of which you can not even imagine (though being burned alive for eternity is usually the approximation employed to signify this loss of love.) And even though he's omnipotent and can do anything he wants to, he can't forgive you unless you subscribe to a very narrow set of beliefs, because he's rule-driven like that - except we don't know the rules.

    So you just carry on with your scoffing ways, Buster Brown. Scoff at the Jesus-on-a-dinosaur museum. I only threaten you with eternal torment out of love.
  6. everlong

    everlong Rookie

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    #12 Jersey

    I don't scoff at it. I want to go to it! Who wouldn't. It can't cost much more than a movie these days, the plot is at least as believable as Avatar and unlike a movie you get to interact with the crowd and that has to be worth the price of admission for entertainment value on it's own.

    This is a win\win. We have to plan a field trip today.
  7. PatsFanInVa

    PatsFanInVa PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Yeah the wife and I actually plotted the miles we need to drive on the maps machine last night LOL... 500 odd, but hell, it's doable.
  8. DisgruntledTunaFan

    DisgruntledTunaFan Rookie

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    The whole evolution nonsense was rammed into our public school systems by the New World Order Illuminati elite - the NWO's 2 feared enemies are, 1) Christianity, and 2) National Sovereignty. Coincidence that the public school systems by and large have brainwashing socialist agendas to date?

    In addition - the creators of the NIV bible in 1881, Westcott and Hort, were not only 2 high level occultists, but they were also good buddies with Charles Darwin. Do an internet search for "NIV heresies" - they've corrupted alot of the original KJV texts.

    Seriously - I wouldn't be laughing at anything - the Illuminati elite is waging a war on our minds AND our souls, while they continue to loot our system and bring about a One World Dictatorship Government.
  9. chicowalker

    chicowalker Rookie

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    You say this like it's a bad thing...
  10. everlong

    everlong Rookie

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    #12 Jersey

    What a load of crap. Christians and the red states still control the government and if they have their way there would still be prayer in school and evolution would be verboten. I think it's hilarious that they admit they cannot beat evolution so hey we'll just build it into our story.

    The more logical way to go in my mind would be for the pro bible people to say that gods days and years are simply much longer than an earth day or year so in fact the time lines do match up. There's plenty of support in physics and string theory to incorporate science and god into one seamless theory. If the bible toters were smart they would use science a tool not as a threat.

    Really it's stupid for these people to try to build in dinosaurs into the story of Jesus. I don't see how any rational person even if you have a copy on your nightstand can say otherwise.
  11. gomezcat

    gomezcat It's SIR Moderator to you Staff Member PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Funny pic, but I had to delete it due to the S- word. Them's the rules...
  12. everlong

    everlong Rookie

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    #12 Jersey

    No problem.

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