dikembe
On the Game Day Roster
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2014
- Messages
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THE PRO BOWL: A DIKEMBE ORIGINAL
PRELUDE: HELLO ALL, MY NAME IS DIKEMBE. BECAUSE OF A. THE BORINGNESS OF THE POST DRAFT OFFSEASON AND B. THE VERY STUPID DEFLATEGATE NEWS, DIKEMBE HAS DECIDED TO RELEASE MY ORIGINAL WORK MUCH EARLIER THAN ORIGINALLY INTENDED. THIS IS THE FIRST PART OF THE DIKEMBE ORIGINAL STORY, ENTITLED "THE PRO BOWL". IT WILL CHRONICLE THE EXPERIENCES OF FIVE NFL PLAYERS AS THEY VISIT THE PRO BOWL: LESWAG MCCOY, MATHIEU STAFFORD, TAQIB ADLIB, JIMMY GRAHAMCRACKER AND OF COURSE, JONES GRAY
LET US BEGIN.
ALOHA STADIUM, JANUARY 2015. IT IS THE WEEK LEADING UP TO THE PRO BOWL. LESWAG MCCOY SITS IN HIS HOTEL ROOM OVERLOOKING HAWAII SUNRISE (THIS TAKES PLACE IN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE IN WHICH BADDELL DOES NOT TRY TO MAKE PRO BOWL BETTER BY CHANGING LOCATION. HAWAII MAKE STORY MUCH BETTER). LESWAG SIGH TO HIMSELF AND SAY "ah. Another day another million dollar. how much longer will I be able to steal money from Philadelphia eags before they realize I am more washed than sponge? ahahaha" (SIDEBAR: NOT MUCH LONGER BECAUSE CHIP KELLY TRADED HIM TO BUFFALO SHORTLY AFTER). LESWAG COMTEMPLATE LIFE FOR A MINUTE AS HE THINKS ABOUT THE SAVAGERY OF HIS PROFESSION. HE SLOWLY BECOME MORE CYNICAL AS THE HITS PILED UP, NOT EVEN LEAVING TIP FOR NICE PHILADELPHIAN WAITRESS WHO PROBABLY THOUGHT HE WAS JAYZ. ANYWAYS, LESWAG RETURN TO HIS COUCH (HIS HOTEL ROOM HAVE COUCH BECAUSE ITS A SUITE AND HE IS RICH YOU KNOW) AND START SCROLLING THROUGH HIS TWITTER FEED. WHILE HE READS THE HILARIOUS TWEETS OF CHAD OCHOCINCO PARODY ACCOUNT, HE GETS A CALL FROM A NUMBER HE HAS BLOCKED. "Oh shoot" HE SAY (BUT WORSE LANGUAGE CAUSE THIS IS FAMILY FRIENDLY STORY). FOR A SECOND HE BELIEVES IT TO BE HIS STALKER, ROB, BUT HE PICKS UP AND HEARS A COMPUTER LIKE VOICE ON THE OTHER END "if you want the answers to your life and cynicism, meet me at the practice facility next to Aloha Stadium" THE VOICE SAY. "Okay" A INTRIGUED BUT SLIGHTLY PARANOID LESWAG SAY. (HE ALSO HAS SIGNS OF SCHIZNOPHRENIA BUT NOT TOO BAD). HE LEAVES HIS DECENT BUT NOT OVERZEALOUS HOTEL ROOM FOR THE PRACTICE FIELD
MATHIEU STAFFORD
MATHIEU STAFFORD SITS AT THE LOCAL STARBUCKS DRINKING HIS COFFEE HE ORDERED BECAUSE HE IS VERY TIRED FROM THE JETLAG (HE DIDNT GET PRIVATE FLIGHT BECAUSE HE IS LIONS PLAYER). HIS LIFE RECENTLY HAS BEEN INFUSED WITH THE ENGAGEMENT OF HIM AND HIS LONGTIME COMPANION KELLY. (KELLY IS A GIRL. IT CAN BE UNISEX NAME THOUGH, SO YOU ARENT CRAZY FOR WONDERING). MATHEIU WAS STRUGGLING IN HIS MIND ABOUT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF HAVING FAMILY. HE IS NO LONGER FUN PARTY BOY, HE IS NOW MAN OF THE HOUSE. WHILE HE WONDERS ABOUT HOW HE WILL HANDLE HIS RESPONSIBILITY AS A HUSBAND AND POSSIBLE FATHER, THE STARBUCKS WORKER COMES OVER AND SAYS "excuse me sir, we gave you someone else's coffee, I'm afraid I'll have to give it to him" "but I have already begun to drink it!" MATTHIEU EXCLAIMS "who's coffee could it be? It says Matthew on it!" "It's that mans over there" SHE SAY, POINTING TO BOSTON FILM LEGEND MATTHEW DAMON. HE WINK AND YELL FROM ACROSS THE ROOM, "hey mathieu, how do u like THEM APPLES" MATHIEU IS ENRAGED. HE ORDERS ANOTHER COFFEE AND WHEN HE RECIEVES IT, HE REALIZES IT DOESNT SAY "MATTHIEU". IT READ "aloha stadium practice facility, now. Family man." AN ANNOYED MATHIEU TAKES OFF FOR ALOHA STADE PRACTICE FACILITY
TAQIB ADLIB:
TAQIB ADLIB SIT IN HIS LUXURIOUS HOTEL ROOM. EVERYTHING IS MADE OF GOLD, AND THERE IS A MONEY SWIMMING POOL THAT TAQIB PLAN ON SWIMMING IN SOON. "Hehehe" TAQIB SAY OUT LOUD "I must get all the money possible. I even sold the two division champions rings I got in New England patriot because I wanted more money. I love me moneyyyyyy" HE SAYS RUBBING MONEY ON HIS FACE. SUDDENLY, A BUTLER, DIPPED IN GOLD BECAUSE TAQIB DEMANDED HE BE, SAY "taqib. A message has come for thou to receive. Meet me at the aloha stadium practice facility if you want your money safe" HE SAY READING A LETTER. "You're right here stupid idiot!" TAQIB SAY, NOT REALIZING THAT THE BUTLER WAS NOT TALKING IN FIRST PERSON. HAHHAA STUPID TAQIB. TAQIB, NERVES ABOUT HIS MONEY, ORDERS A HELICOPTER FLIGHT TO ALOHA LAND (YES HELICOPTER IS GOLD AS WELL)
JIMMY GRAHAMCRACKER
JIMMY GC SIT OUT BY THE POOL WITH MANY WOMEN, BOTH BLACK AND WHITE. "See I am like Oreo" JIMMY SAY "nobody knows what race I am but everyone enjoys me anyways!" HE AND ALL THE WOMEN LAUGH HEAVILY. BUT JIMMY BEGIN TO THINK. WHAT RACE AM I? HE NARRATES IN HIS MIND. THERE IS PROBABLY VERY SIMPLE ANSWER TO THIS BUT JIMMY CG NEVER BOTHERED TO LEARN HIS HERITAGE. SUDDENLY HE HEARS PLANE IN THE SKY. ITS A FLYING GRAHAM CRACKER! IT HAS A MESSAGE FOR JIMMY GRAHAMCRACKER! IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS VERY SIMPLE QUESTION OF WHAT IS YOUR RACE IN WHICH YOU COULD PROBABLY GOOGLE YOURSELF AND FIND OUT, COME TO ALOHA PRACTICE FACILITY. JIMMY CG LEAVE HIS GIRLS IMMEDIATELY, AND IS OFF WITH THE OTHERS TO ALOHA
AT THE ALOHA PRACTICE FACILITY, IT IS DARK AND ALMOST EMPTY. THERE IS ONE PERSON IN THERE BEFORE ALL OF THE PRO BOWLERS AND THEIR INFORMANT ARIVE. HES WORKING ON HIS GAME TO PREPARE FOR THE SUPER BOWL GAME IN WHICH HE PROBABLY WILL RECIEVE MUCH TOO FEW SNAPS. AS HES FINISHING UP HIS WORKOUT HE HEARS A CHOPPER ABOVE HIM. HE LOOKS OUTSIDE THE GLASS WINDOW (FACILITY IS KIND OF LIKE COWBOYS STADIUM WITHOUT ALL THE SEATS AND JUMBOTRON) AND SEES SOMETHING THAT SHOCKS HIM. THE LIGHTS FLICK ON AND JONES FEELS LIKE SOMETHING IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN.
"Well this is an unexpected turn" A VOICE SAYS SLIGHTLY SURPRISED SLIGHTLY EVILISH. JONES GRAY TURNS TO HIS HORROR AND NEARLY PASSES OUT
TO BE CONTINUED
PRELUDE: HELLO ALL, MY NAME IS DIKEMBE. BECAUSE OF A. THE BORINGNESS OF THE POST DRAFT OFFSEASON AND B. THE VERY STUPID DEFLATEGATE NEWS, DIKEMBE HAS DECIDED TO RELEASE MY ORIGINAL WORK MUCH EARLIER THAN ORIGINALLY INTENDED. THIS IS THE FIRST PART OF THE DIKEMBE ORIGINAL STORY, ENTITLED "THE PRO BOWL". IT WILL CHRONICLE THE EXPERIENCES OF FIVE NFL PLAYERS AS THEY VISIT THE PRO BOWL: LESWAG MCCOY, MATHIEU STAFFORD, TAQIB ADLIB, JIMMY GRAHAMCRACKER AND OF COURSE, JONES GRAY
LET US BEGIN.
ALOHA STADIUM, JANUARY 2015. IT IS THE WEEK LEADING UP TO THE PRO BOWL. LESWAG MCCOY SITS IN HIS HOTEL ROOM OVERLOOKING HAWAII SUNRISE (THIS TAKES PLACE IN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE IN WHICH BADDELL DOES NOT TRY TO MAKE PRO BOWL BETTER BY CHANGING LOCATION. HAWAII MAKE STORY MUCH BETTER). LESWAG SIGH TO HIMSELF AND SAY "ah. Another day another million dollar. how much longer will I be able to steal money from Philadelphia eags before they realize I am more washed than sponge? ahahaha" (SIDEBAR: NOT MUCH LONGER BECAUSE CHIP KELLY TRADED HIM TO BUFFALO SHORTLY AFTER). LESWAG COMTEMPLATE LIFE FOR A MINUTE AS HE THINKS ABOUT THE SAVAGERY OF HIS PROFESSION. HE SLOWLY BECOME MORE CYNICAL AS THE HITS PILED UP, NOT EVEN LEAVING TIP FOR NICE PHILADELPHIAN WAITRESS WHO PROBABLY THOUGHT HE WAS JAYZ. ANYWAYS, LESWAG RETURN TO HIS COUCH (HIS HOTEL ROOM HAVE COUCH BECAUSE ITS A SUITE AND HE IS RICH YOU KNOW) AND START SCROLLING THROUGH HIS TWITTER FEED. WHILE HE READS THE HILARIOUS TWEETS OF CHAD OCHOCINCO PARODY ACCOUNT, HE GETS A CALL FROM A NUMBER HE HAS BLOCKED. "Oh shoot" HE SAY (BUT WORSE LANGUAGE CAUSE THIS IS FAMILY FRIENDLY STORY). FOR A SECOND HE BELIEVES IT TO BE HIS STALKER, ROB, BUT HE PICKS UP AND HEARS A COMPUTER LIKE VOICE ON THE OTHER END "if you want the answers to your life and cynicism, meet me at the practice facility next to Aloha Stadium" THE VOICE SAY. "Okay" A INTRIGUED BUT SLIGHTLY PARANOID LESWAG SAY. (HE ALSO HAS SIGNS OF SCHIZNOPHRENIA BUT NOT TOO BAD). HE LEAVES HIS DECENT BUT NOT OVERZEALOUS HOTEL ROOM FOR THE PRACTICE FIELD
MATHIEU STAFFORD
MATHIEU STAFFORD SITS AT THE LOCAL STARBUCKS DRINKING HIS COFFEE HE ORDERED BECAUSE HE IS VERY TIRED FROM THE JETLAG (HE DIDNT GET PRIVATE FLIGHT BECAUSE HE IS LIONS PLAYER). HIS LIFE RECENTLY HAS BEEN INFUSED WITH THE ENGAGEMENT OF HIM AND HIS LONGTIME COMPANION KELLY. (KELLY IS A GIRL. IT CAN BE UNISEX NAME THOUGH, SO YOU ARENT CRAZY FOR WONDERING). MATHEIU WAS STRUGGLING IN HIS MIND ABOUT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF HAVING FAMILY. HE IS NO LONGER FUN PARTY BOY, HE IS NOW MAN OF THE HOUSE. WHILE HE WONDERS ABOUT HOW HE WILL HANDLE HIS RESPONSIBILITY AS A HUSBAND AND POSSIBLE FATHER, THE STARBUCKS WORKER COMES OVER AND SAYS "excuse me sir, we gave you someone else's coffee, I'm afraid I'll have to give it to him" "but I have already begun to drink it!" MATTHIEU EXCLAIMS "who's coffee could it be? It says Matthew on it!" "It's that mans over there" SHE SAY, POINTING TO BOSTON FILM LEGEND MATTHEW DAMON. HE WINK AND YELL FROM ACROSS THE ROOM, "hey mathieu, how do u like THEM APPLES" MATHIEU IS ENRAGED. HE ORDERS ANOTHER COFFEE AND WHEN HE RECIEVES IT, HE REALIZES IT DOESNT SAY "MATTHIEU". IT READ "aloha stadium practice facility, now. Family man." AN ANNOYED MATHIEU TAKES OFF FOR ALOHA STADE PRACTICE FACILITY
TAQIB ADLIB:
TAQIB ADLIB SIT IN HIS LUXURIOUS HOTEL ROOM. EVERYTHING IS MADE OF GOLD, AND THERE IS A MONEY SWIMMING POOL THAT TAQIB PLAN ON SWIMMING IN SOON. "Hehehe" TAQIB SAY OUT LOUD "I must get all the money possible. I even sold the two division champions rings I got in New England patriot because I wanted more money. I love me moneyyyyyy" HE SAYS RUBBING MONEY ON HIS FACE. SUDDENLY, A BUTLER, DIPPED IN GOLD BECAUSE TAQIB DEMANDED HE BE, SAY "taqib. A message has come for thou to receive. Meet me at the aloha stadium practice facility if you want your money safe" HE SAY READING A LETTER. "You're right here stupid idiot!" TAQIB SAY, NOT REALIZING THAT THE BUTLER WAS NOT TALKING IN FIRST PERSON. HAHHAA STUPID TAQIB. TAQIB, NERVES ABOUT HIS MONEY, ORDERS A HELICOPTER FLIGHT TO ALOHA LAND (YES HELICOPTER IS GOLD AS WELL)
JIMMY GRAHAMCRACKER
JIMMY GC SIT OUT BY THE POOL WITH MANY WOMEN, BOTH BLACK AND WHITE. "See I am like Oreo" JIMMY SAY "nobody knows what race I am but everyone enjoys me anyways!" HE AND ALL THE WOMEN LAUGH HEAVILY. BUT JIMMY BEGIN TO THINK. WHAT RACE AM I? HE NARRATES IN HIS MIND. THERE IS PROBABLY VERY SIMPLE ANSWER TO THIS BUT JIMMY CG NEVER BOTHERED TO LEARN HIS HERITAGE. SUDDENLY HE HEARS PLANE IN THE SKY. ITS A FLYING GRAHAM CRACKER! IT HAS A MESSAGE FOR JIMMY GRAHAMCRACKER! IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS VERY SIMPLE QUESTION OF WHAT IS YOUR RACE IN WHICH YOU COULD PROBABLY GOOGLE YOURSELF AND FIND OUT, COME TO ALOHA PRACTICE FACILITY. JIMMY CG LEAVE HIS GIRLS IMMEDIATELY, AND IS OFF WITH THE OTHERS TO ALOHA
AT THE ALOHA PRACTICE FACILITY, IT IS DARK AND ALMOST EMPTY. THERE IS ONE PERSON IN THERE BEFORE ALL OF THE PRO BOWLERS AND THEIR INFORMANT ARIVE. HES WORKING ON HIS GAME TO PREPARE FOR THE SUPER BOWL GAME IN WHICH HE PROBABLY WILL RECIEVE MUCH TOO FEW SNAPS. AS HES FINISHING UP HIS WORKOUT HE HEARS A CHOPPER ABOVE HIM. HE LOOKS OUTSIDE THE GLASS WINDOW (FACILITY IS KIND OF LIKE COWBOYS STADIUM WITHOUT ALL THE SEATS AND JUMBOTRON) AND SEES SOMETHING THAT SHOCKS HIM. THE LIGHTS FLICK ON AND JONES FEELS LIKE SOMETHING IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN.
"Well this is an unexpected turn" A VOICE SAYS SLIGHTLY SURPRISED SLIGHTLY EVILISH. JONES GRAY TURNS TO HIS HORROR AND NEARLY PASSES OUT
TO BE CONTINUED
