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OT: NFL Football versus Futball

Discussion in 'PatsFans.com - Patriots Fan Forum' started by Ice_Ice_Brady, Sep 11, 2010.

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  1. Ice_Ice_Brady

    Ice_Ice_Brady Rookie

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    Football vs. Futball

    I'm so pumped for the season! Jonesing for some NFL action, I tried really, really hard to get into the World Cup this year, only to be both angered and saddened at the same time. I decided it was more exciting to put on the auto-refresh and just watch profootballtalk.com for several hours. Here's my comparison between the two sports, for those who don't know much about either and are looking to choose one.

    A great commentator is...

    Football- Listening to John Madden comment on Xs and Os and using his squiggly pen to break down a play; hearing interesting inside information about the psyche of a coach or player.

    Futball- Hearing a 95-year old British guy rave about "the beautiful game" every time the ball comes within 80 feet of the net; listening to nonsensical hysteria when a team has a corner kick, which 99.9% of the time ends up bouncing off someone's head and back out of bounds. Hearing some guy go "Goooooooollllllleeeee" after he suddenly jolted awake from his nap.

    A great game is...

    Football- A slugfest between two heavyweight teams, building up all season, goes on for four action-packed quarters, shifting momentum constantly, until Brady drives down the field and scores a touchdown in the waning seconds while, biting your fingers off, you finally jump up in euphoria and let out a huge gasp. This is followed by a 45 minute phone conversation to talk about the game and anticipate next week's game. Warning: You may experience extreme euphoria and abject depression during a three hour roller coaster.

    Futball- A 0-0 tie occurs between two teams. Both teams walk off the field with a confused look, unsure whether to celebrate or not. Highlights include a near-miss that sails 40 yards over the net, cat fighting between the players, and constant obnoxious cricket-like noise. You pray that something exciting might happen, but you realize that the nightmare of watching this game has engulfed you. There's no escape.

    A great atmosphere/fan experience is...

    Football- The Razor, Pittsburgh's terrible towels, the Lambeau Leap. the Super Dome, the Dawg Pound, Mile High chant "In-Com-Plete!"

    Futball- A massive amount of idiots blowing into a crude instrument that produces high-pitched noises similar to super-vocalized crickets at a slaughter house, mic'd up. Potential deaths from trampling.

    A great play is...

    Football- A leaping, insanely athletic reception to stay in bounds and keep alive a drive, despite two defenders in coverage. Instant replay confirms that both feet nicked the turf. The crowd erupts.

    Futball- Pretending to get hit by an elbow, keeling over on the ground in fake agony, and being carried off on a stretcher for a pseudo-injury. In return, your team gets one more meaningless possession of the ball, which they lose after kicking it out of bounds.

    Great offense is...

    Football- Watching a field general like Tom Brady or Drew Brees pick apart a defense by exploiting mismatches, threading the needle with tight spirals, and commanding the team down the field in the two minute offense; seeing a physical offensive line throw around defenders while the lightning-fast Chris Johnson puts a buck-fifty on stat sheet.

    Futball- Watching Cristiano Ronaldo play hackysack with a soccer ball in an Adidas commercial, listening to announcers rave about his explosiveness, and then watching every game as he does absolutely nothing. The commentator, in his excitement, chokes on his fish and chips when Ronaldo unsuccessfully tries to wedge between four defenders, windmills through air after stepping on someone's shin guard, and pleads his case for a penalty.

    Great defense is...

    Football- A huge physical front seven blitzing past the line of scrimmage with a playmaking secondary that can turn the game on any given pass; Dwight Freeney spinning past defenders on the outside. Champ Bailey putting on a clinic.

    Futball- Eleven guys stand close the goal and cover their balls so they don't get hit. Some even turn sideways to avoid potential contact.

    Sudden-Death Overtime is...

    Football- One of the most exciting, nerve-wracking things you can experience as a fan. At any given time the game could be over and either team could win. Every play is critical and often defines a team's season. Field position is a science here, as coaches decide whether to play it safe or gamble.

    Futball- A professional ball-kicker stands about 10 feet away from a goal 30 feet wide and kicks the ball past an irrelevant goalie and into the net. Five players from each team do this. The losing team has the only player who can't actually put the ball into the back of the huge, unmissable net.

    Great coaching is...

    Football- A combination of great game planning and impromptu decision making, especially on third and short. Great coaches exploit matchups and disguise their team weaknesses in a complicated chess match that is at the same time a physical, smash mouth contest.

    Futball- Coaches look constipated on the sidelines, grimacing in discomfort. Every once in awhile a substitute is put into the game when a starter has collapsed from exhaustion and hasn't moved for 35 minutes. After every loss, each coach is vilified, fired, and ex-communicated from their country. They all move to France.

    A Great Face of the Game is...

    Football- Tom Brady. Clutch, skilled, humble, married to a super model. The guy has it all, yet he still works as hard as any player in the league, and you can see the desire to win in his eyes.

    Futball- David Beckham. Exactly like Brady, except he's married to a b-list, has-been, snobby popstar, has affairs with his kid's nannies, dies his hair, lives in LA, is a sell-out, falls way short of the hype, doesn't care about the sport, is pampered, and used to be a woman.
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2010
  2. Nikolai

    Nikolai Football Atheist PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #54 Jersey

    Funny thread, but I will have to call you out here. Having attended games at the Razor (and the old Foxboro) and Westfalenstadion, I can tell you that nothing compares to the experience I had in Dortmund. I don't know if I'll ever get to go back, but I hope I do. Amazing.
  3. Rossmci90

    Rossmci90 Rookie

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    Or you can just be equally passionate about both sports and just get to enjoy them both. This weekend is great for me, being on holiday means this afternoon i will be going to my first Wigan game of the season and tommorow the Pats kick off. So pumped for both.

    :rocker:
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2010
  4. FCB02062

    FCB02062 Rookie

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    Nice attempt at humor, but personally futbol and football are pretty equal for me. Growing up with immigrant parents I was first introduced to futbol (fussbal in German), then to football in the early 80s. First sporting event I vividly remember was 1982 World Cup, Germany v Italy.
    You can be a fan of both, you know. I will be getting ready to watch Bayern Munich v Werder Bremen this afternoon after my son's U6 game. The team I support, Bayern Munich, had an incredible run to the Champions League final last season. For me, that was every bit as enjoyable as the last Pats Super Bowl run in 2007, although that loss stung a bit more than Bayern's loss. I'm glad I have another sport about which I am passionate so I can turn my sporting attention elsewhere if and when the Pats have a bad loss. It helps to get my mind of things...
  5. resdubwhite

    resdubwhite Rookie

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    No Jersey Selected

    Anyone thats been to S├╝dtrib├╝ne at the Westfalen will tell you its pretty amazing.
  6. BritPat

    BritPat Rookie

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    #54 Jersey

    I'm wondering if you're serious or not.
  7. hyperpat

    hyperpat Rookie

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    Both sports are great. No need to tear one down to build up the other. But, if it makes you feel better...
  8. Froob

    Froob Rookie

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    #32 Jersey

    This alone makes soccer unwatchable, I tried watching the world cup. Gave me a huge headache.
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2010
  9. blackglass3

    blackglass3 PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    The Pats will be my first sport love forever, but the World Cup got me hooked on soccer (sorry) as my #2 sport, along with hockey. You're not watching soccer (or hockey) and expecting an offensive explosion...it's more about the near goals, the strategies, and the excitment when a team finally figures out how to beat the defenses and score.
  10. Nonentity

    Nonentity Rookie

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    Disable Jersey

    It's a South African thing. Most of Europe has already banned them.
  11. Nitro

    Nitro Rookie

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    #22 Jersey

    I tried watching a soccer game this year. after about 20 minutes it became unbearable and I went out and got some yard work done.
  12. BradyMossWelker

    BradyMossWelker Rookie

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    This is a ridiculous thread.
    You don't like soccer, so you're just saying idiotic things about it.
    Soccer is great, really. I don't know how American people can call soccer boring when they watch baseball.
    And please don't compare the stadiums enviroments. In soccer, at least in Portugal, the crowd sings all together, when the home team scores is a total madness, because a goal, is a rare thing, not like a TD.
    Today, I'll watch my team, FC Porto(2003/2004 world champions), surely Britpats knows it, and I absolutely love to go to the stadium. And in American Football, even the guys from PTI, said that it is one of the sports which is better to watch on TV.
    Trust me, in soccer, when you know all the players playing, it sure is a great sport, of course sometimes is boring, but like everyother sport.
  13. MustaphaM0nd

    MustaphaM0nd Rookie

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    1) As someone with 567 posts, you should know this does not belong in the Patriots Fan Forum, but in Other Sports. Or even better on Jetsinsider, but I digress.

    2) I understand that you don't like to watch futbol, and that is all well and good, but the intellectual dishonesty of some of your "points" is uncalled for.
    -Futbol strategy is as complex as football, if not more so. If you think routes are hard try off the ball with 10 other guys, penetrating a world class defense
    -you could have just as easily chosen Ben Roethlesberger as a face of football
    -the fan experience is second to none at the Bernabeu, Camp Nou, Anfield, White Hart Lane, etc.

    I could go on and on. Just because you don't understand something, does not make it broken.

    What we can all agree on... is LETS GO PATS ON SUNDAY!
  14. Elijah

    Elijah PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #11 Jersey

    Both are painfully boring, but I say soccer is the better sport because you actually need to be athletic to play it. Either way,

    [​IMG]

    Sure, I hate soccer. I understand why people like it, though. It just doesn't appeal to me.
  15. Patriot 37

    Patriot 37 Rookie

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    Great Post, communist kickball (soccer) sucks.

    Most people don't know the true story how youth soccer became big in the U.S., but Stalin was behind it.

    After the Korean War, The Soviets couldn't figure why the U.S. was so disappointed in the outcome since the U.S. acheived their initial objective of getting the communists out of S. Korea.

    Stalin was told that Americans hate ties. So Soviet agents were sent to the U.S. to get the Americans to stop playing the violent ground aquisition game of football and replace it with a non contact sport where ties are celebrated.

    Sign you kids up for Pop Warner.
  16. DESERTPAT

    DESERTPAT Rookie

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    You got hooked on soccer watching that snoozefest? Can you explain to me what the "strategies" are in soccer, especially since they lead to so few goals?
  17. KontradictioN

    KontradictioN Do you even lift? PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Soccer is so brutally awful.
  18. olschool

    olschool Rookie

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    My high school football coach tried to introduce soccer way back in the '60's, in gym class, since there were no high school soccer leagues at the time.

    We all thought it was boring to play as well as watch, and was just an excuse to run around in the fresh air. I guess it was good aerobic exercise.

    My kids played soccer in school, and I wouldn't even watch, just sit in the car 'til the misery was over. They hated it too, and couldn't wait for the season to end.

    Reflecting back on it, all I can do is wonder how drunk you have to be, to invent a ball game, where you can't use your hands.

    To me, it's as foreign as cricket, and always will be.
  19. hyperpat

    hyperpat Rookie

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    Sure glad I didn't have a Dad like you.
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2010
  20. patsfanboy

    patsfanboy Rookie

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    #80 Jersey

    YouTube - David Letterman - Soccer Top Ten

    I love both sports, but i have to say the MLS is a joke. Soccer players in the us are way to one dimensional, you never get to see players doing flashy moves. Even i find myself bored with the US soccer.
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