On the contrary, and granted I'm no expert on such things, but I hate to say it - I'd wager one could argue that their behavior since the incident implies this is not a one-time thing. Someone correct me if I'm wrong. But her marrying him so she can't testify against him, her apologizing for her role, etc., etc. seem typical of someone who has faced abuse before and is scared.
I also have to say his reaction to knocking her unconscious shows me someone who really doesn't care about her. There was zero concern on his part for her well-being. He looked more annoyed than anything else. And for all he knew, he had just killed her. Instead, he tells them she's drunk. Not sure what that is, but that's definitely not love.
The reality is the guy is probably a complete a**hole and always will be. All the bullcrap Harbaugh says about what a great guy Ray is is only b/c the guy can break tackles. If this were a back-end player on the roster, he would've been cut a long time ago.
Sure, he does charity work. Great, they all do. They have an abundance of free time in the offseason and a ton of money, and the teams encourage them be active in the community. It doesn't mean he's a good person.
I hate to be cynical, but we do not know these people, and we have to take what glimpses we get of them when they don't realize the cameras are on at face value, and weigh it more than the image they want to present.