Employee in Bathroom w. balls for 90 secs

Just a little story that might help with the time:

I have a microwave oven with a "popcorn" setting. That setting is 1 minute and 40 seconds long. One of the adjoining rooms is a bathroom. I often hit the "popcorn" button, go to the bathroom, make water (hat tip: Driving Miss Daisy), give the hands a quick wash, and get back to the microwave with about 10 seconds left. So, this guy was either messing with the footballs or going to the bathroom. He sure as hell wasn't doing both.

As I said in the other thread, maybe BB has a system that records every flush...

Well let's be fair now. It's vital to the integrity of the game that we know whether he peed on the balls.

How absurd is it that a story built on leaks ends in with the "person of interest" taking a leak.

You can't write this stuff.

No seriously, you can't.

But surely this will take several more weeks, right?

newenglandsports11 said:

Defecate Gate

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You were so close. It's gotta be Defegate

Marko said:

Not only that said he took 24 in bathroom, did he separate the balls and only do half of them that we're to be used. Try managing 24 balls it's way harder than you think. This is getting re-god damn- diculous! Apparently the people wanting to kill a franchise are as stupid as the players/coaches we face on Sundays. Hint to coaches and players, if a man is on the line of scrimmage and covered up, don't effing worry about him as a receiver! Pop warner ****

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Ehh... gotta figure the balls are in separate bags. That part's not really an issue.

billdog3484 said:

lock door. open bag. dump all balls out. deflate. put in bag. unless our ball boy is a magician i think we are good

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No of course not, i just read the conspiracy clingers new theory. NE has the doctored balls hidden in a ceiling tile, he went in there to switch them out... someone mentioned they are marked.. the comeback is BB hired a counterfeiter. un f'in real

This story is now officially a comedy of epic proportions

rlcarr said:

Is NE finally doing some counter-leaking? Can't imagine they'd do it to Florio, though.

So what's Florio's motive? Competition with Glazer? And his source? And is this evidence of the "two factions in the league offices" theory?

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Florio's source is probably someone in the league office that doesn't have a vendetta against the Pats and thinks this has gone too far as is.

fnordcircle said:

Not believing anything until I see Bill Nye in a bathroom with his **** in one hand and a needle and gauge in the other stabbing balls for 7 seconds each.

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dude you're killing me. This comment made this whole thing worth it.

BradyFTW! said:

Well let's be fair now. It's vital to the integrity of the game that we know whether he peed on the balls.

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This line was made funnier by pretending the Rex Ryan in your sig is reacting to it.

So is the reason this investigation will go on for the next few weeks like Ted Wells suggested because that is how long it is going to take to get the DNA results back from the urine samples they collected from the urinal in the bathroom to compare with the DNA sample collected by the locker room employee?

Rob0729 said:

I think the investigation should switch to whether the employee took proper time to wash his hands thoroughly. IDK, 90 second to pee and wash your hands really doesn't seem like enough time for a proper cleaning. I think we should contact Bill Nye to find out if it is scientifically possible that after handling the Colts' football may have led to Andrew Luck's poor play. Let the PoorlyWashedHandsGate begin.

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I think your onto something. ...the CDC says you must scrub for at least 20 seconds and that don't include the time for the water to warm up.......this could be a real problem. ...anyone leaked it to Bob Kravitz yet?

Joker said:

We're so screwed...the average urination time for a grown man is 21 seconds.

What was the ball boy doing the other SIXTY NINE???

Huh???

(er....69..uh...hey,wait a minute...nah, couldn't be...)

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I marked your post "winner" because there wasn't one for "weiner".

Nitro said:

No of course not, i just read the conspiracy clingers new theory. NE has the doctored balls hidden in a ceiling tile, he went in there to switch them out... someone mentioned they are marked.. the comeback is BB hired a counterfeiter. un f'in real

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Lmaoooooo is this real?

I did see morons on twitter saying 'he was trained'. All the pats need to do is show other games. If he goes to the bathroom every single game then thats kinda weird. But I doubt he does.

So this just proves that someone is leaking info knowing it is misleading ...just to disrupt the Pats. Being guilty would just be a plus, but having failed that,,,he wanted to cause them trouble.

Of course in a few years, the Pats "cheaters" they have a history, spygate , walsh, deflate tuck rule, ..we better get an extra 1st round pick for this.

Not that it makes a difference to haters,,,,on radio ,,someone >> they could have done it anywhere, why just the WC ..and ends saying "idiot"

Hanniball Lechter

Iam sure the NFL will do a through investigation, going through all the water samples from wherever the bathroom flush leads to and compare if it contains the DNA of the attendant. Because you know, this are very thorough . They just cant be thorough to get the video of a woman being knocked down in a elevator.

To paraphrase Col. Jessup from A Few Good Men, "please tell me that the NFL hasn't pinned their hopes of nailing the Pats on a kid taking a piss"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjJzOpe9xEg
(about a minute in to video since this old guy doesn't know how to create a Vine)

New Headline : Boy rubs balls in toilet