This brings up a larger issue - how to benefit from the malicious behavior of others. At theganggreen.com, we've devised a fantasy league based on incidents of off-field bad conduct. I've cut and pasted the rules here to encourage you Patriots fans to start your own league.
FANTASY THUG LEAGUE FOOTBALL
: The NFL Fantasy Thug League will be comprised of 10 teams (unless interest is high enough to support more; in which case we’ll have to figure something else out). GMs will be able to sign up whenever I get off my ass and create a sign-up thread later today or tomorrow. Anyone without a decent team name will be kicked out automatically, without anyone even telling you you've been kicked out.
: The FTL Season will run from September 11, 2006 to May 31, 2007.
: General Managers will pick (a) 11 individual players or coaches, and (b) one full NFL team. Drafting will occur in an AIM chat room on Sunday, September 3, 2006 at 11:00 am (or whenever people want to do it). GMs will have one minute to make each draft pick. Anyone not in attendance for the draft will be allowed into the league with a team chosen from whatever thugs are left over after all the real thugs are taken. In any event, all rosters must be submitted into the FTL thread by 9:00 pm September 6, 2006. Qualified players need only be on an NFL roster on the date of the FTL draft.
GMs may release players at any time, and may sign "free agent" turds during the season, provided they do not exceed the 11-man team limit. GMs cannot change or release NFL teams after the FTL draft day - you keep who you pick for the entire FTL season. Free Agent players are locked-in by submitted the name of the free agent to be signed to the Commissioner. First GM to submit the free agent name gets the player. The Commissioner must announce his own free agent signings in the thread in order for them to be valid. Once a GM has signed a free agent, he or she may not be the next consecutive GM to sign another free agent (the intention of this rule is to allow all GMs an equal crack at quality free agents). The free agent period will begin September 12, 2006.
Teams will be awarded points in the following three categories:
1. Individual Thuggery Points:V. Score Keeping
100 Points: Felony arrest (Murder, assault w/ deadly weapon, etc.)
75 Points: Year long NFL suspension
50 Points: Felony or misdemeanor conviction
35 Points: Four game or more NFL suspension
35 Points: Misdemeanor arrest (OUI, domestic abuse, simple assault)
25 Points: Player entered into NFL substance abuse program
25 Points: League-imposed fines (>$15,000)
20 Points: League-imposed fines (<$15,000)
15 Points: Violation of "Team Rules"
15 Points: Wild Card Thuggery
Individual Thuggery Points are doubled if the player involved is a coach, punter, kicker or quarterback.
FTL Commissioner will be the final arbiter on all matters of scoring. “Wild Card Thuggery” points will be issued by the Commissioner upon submission of the incident of thuggery by the team GM. The FTL Commissioner may issue Wild Card points for any off-field or on-field transgression which does not fit any other point category, but does seem "turdish". No team may receive more than 30 Wild Card Thuggery points per season. Any disagreement with the Commissioner’s judgment will be submitted to a vote of all GM’s.
2. Team Thuggery Points:
In addition to points for individual thuggery, teams will be issued ten (10) points for each incident of thuggery for a player on the NFL team on his or her roster. For example: A misdemeanor arrest by Player X of the Titans would award 35 points to the team that drafted Player X, and 10 points to the team that drafted the Titans. No FTL team may draft more than one NFL team.
3. Draftee Thuggery Points:
GMs should note that the FTL season runs through the NFL college draft. Players drafted by the NFL team on an FTL roster will automatically be included on that GM’s FTL roster. For example: Let’s say the Arizona Cardinals had a heck of a team thuggery season, and earned Team Sundayjerk 500 team thuggery points. Then, in the 2007 college draft, the Cardinals draft a player who is arrested for celebrating his recent drafting with a dime bag of MaryJane. Team Sundayjerk would pick up an additional 35 points for its new rookie. If he happens to be convicted before the end of the FTL Season, Team Sundayjack would earn an additional 50 points.
: Because the FTL Commissioner doesn’t have the time, energy, or desire to keep everyone’s score for them, each GM will be responsible for posting his team’s point totals each week. It's the honor system, which seems appropriate for a turd league. Any team found fiddling with his or her points will be assessed a penalty of 150 point deduction. A second offense will result in expulsion from the FTL.
GM’s should submit a weekly post in the FTL thread listing the player, the transgression, and the points; along with the team thuggery points for his NFL team. Example:
Ted Washington – Arrest for Buggery – 35 Points
Shaun Alexander – Arrested for Pubic Lewdness - 35
Arizona Cardinals – 30 Team thuggery points
Team Sundayjack Total: 100 points
: Teams can make trades at any time in the season. Teams need not carry a full 11 players, but cannot carry more than 11, so creative trades are allowable.
: Most points at the end of the season wins. That simple. Unless someone has a better idea. And, incidentally, you win nothing. I'd love to tell you you'll win all sorts of nice prizes and national acclaim; but, in truth, all you win is bragging rights for a full year.