If another QB was in a bike accident - New England Patriots Forums

sarge · 06-19-2006, 07:12 PM

Found this on Indy star originally posted on a Chiefs Board.

I goes over what would have happened if another QB had been in the accident instead of Ben.

My favorite is Peyton's. It would be funny if it weren't so close to the truth.

Pretty good stuff!

Quote:

We know what happened to Ben in the situation with the bike, but what if it had happened to a different player?

Drew Bledsoe – Same thing as Ben, but it would've been on a stationary bike.

Eli Manning – Archie would have intervened and forced Philip Rivers to get on the motorcycle.

Donovan McNabb – He would have come under scorching criticism from Terrell Owens.

Mark Brunell – He would have thanked God for giving him that wonderful experience and would have tried to baptize the driver of the car.

Brett Favre – He would have received enormous national coverage and sympathy, and would decide to contemplate retirement for a couple of months.

Brad Johnson – Nobody would have noticed.

Rex Grossman – This is a trick question, because Grossman would've been in the hospital before the wreck even happened.

Josh McCown – Matt Millen would’ve traded him for a wide receiver.

Chris Simms – People would’ve thought he was Brad Johnson.

Michael Vick – The media would be commenting on how he face-planted spectacularly, and no other quarterback could’ve done it.

Matt Schaub - Everyone would still want him because he torched the Patriots.

Drew Brees – He would’ve been traded or cut because, hey, when you’ve got Reggie Bush you don’t need any other players.

Jake Delhomme – He would have survived and been okay, but people would credit Julius Peppers for saving him.

Alex Smith – He would’ve secretly been grateful for missing the 49ers’ season.

Matt Leinart – He would’ve dropped drastically on the draft chart amidst rumors that he can’t take a hit.

Matt Hasselbeck – He would’ve been embarrassed, because five seconds before the crash he would have predicted that he would beat the car.

Marc Bulger – (Long silence). I got nothing. There’s not a single thing about Bulger that’s interesting.

Gus Frerotte - He'd be fine, his head has hurt before...

J.P. Losman – He would’ve overshot and missed the car completely.

Daunte Culpepper – Three years ago, he would have crushed the car and kept on going. Now, he would be injured and the driver of the car would have ended up with everything he was carrying.

Chad Pennington – He would’ve been injured. Duh.

Tom Brady – Angels would have descended and saved Tom from harm, and then after the other car stopped, Tom would have climbed into the back seat and given the driver a neck massage to calm her down.

Charlie Batch - Pittsburgh would be fine, because elite backup Omar Jacobs would fill in for him.

Steve McNair – He would have walked it off, because Steve McNair is tough, man. He’s really tough. Everyone would have been talking about how tough he is.

Kyle Boller - Out of anger, he would've hurled the car 60 yards on one knee.

Carson Palmer – Kimo Von Oelhoffen would have been ticketed for an illegal left turn.

Charlie Frye – Trent Dilfer would return to Cleveland,take over the team, win a Super Bowl*, and then get cut when Elvis Grbac decided to come out of retirement

Peyton Manning – During his first year back, the NFL would institute a special rule that nobody is allowed to touch Manning, and he only has to say the name of a receiver for it to count as a completed pass.

Vince Young – Pfft. As if anything could hit Vince Young...

Byron Leftwich – He would’ve been okay, but Fred Taylor would have been hospitalized with sympathy pains.

David Carr – He would’ve been fine. He takes harder hits than that every Sunday.

Trent Green – If you think that car would’ve made it past Willie Roaf and Will Shields, you’re crazy.

Aaron Brooks – Al Davis would blame Art Shell and then fire him.

Philip Rivers – Nobody knows...nobody has any idea at all.

Jake Plummer – He wouldn’t have hit the windshield at all, because Broncos only hit in the back

Kurt Warner - Nothing. You can't get hurt in an accident when you're only moving 5 miles per hour. But his wife would've punched the driver in the face anyway.

Kerry Collins - He would've been hit by Randy Moss in a car. He could've avoided the accident if he actually looked in Moss' direction.

Joey Harrington - He wouldn't have gotten into an accident. He would've bought the best motorcycle at an auction and it would've broke down before he could even ride it.

Vinny Testaverde - The driver that hit him would be amazed there was still gas in the tank.

David Girard - Of course he couldn't see the driver. How can you see when you're always in Byron Leftwich's shadow?

Kyle Orton - Amazed he even hit the car. He only had a 50% chance of getting there on time.

A.C Vegas · 06-19-2006, 07:49 PM

Brady's is a good one too and payton's (spelling intended) is by far the funniest.

RayClay · 06-19-2006, 07:58 PM

Good idea, but he needs new writers.

How about Peyton:

I take full responsibility, although there have been safety concerns about that bike and there have been frost heave problems. That's all I'm saying.

chris_in_sunnyvale · 06-19-2006, 08:55 PM

"Byron Leftwich â€“ He wouldâ€™ve been okay, but Fred Taylor would have been hospitalized with sympathy pains."

I enjoyed the double-meaning of this one a lot. Sympathy pains indeed!

Regards,
Chris

Keegs · 06-19-2006, 09:21 PM

I love this. One of the funniest things I have read in a while.

They were all so damn funny i can't pick a favorite. How can you rank them when they bring up Kurt Warners wife punching people, Steve Mcnair's toughness, and Kyle Boller's throwing the ball 60 yards on one knee out of pure anger.
Too funny.

However the Brett Favre one was weak. Could have been a hell of a lot better. With all the crap he has pulled I expected a 2 paragraphs.

pats-blue · 06-19-2006, 09:56 PM

Tom Brady's was wrong...it wasn't angels...it was.....TEDY BRUSCHI COMES OUT OF NO WHERE AND LIFTS TOM BRADY OUT OF HARMS WAY! WHATS HE DOING NOW? HE IS FIXING TOMS BIKE AND DRAWING THE DIAGRAM FOR THE POLICE AT THE SAME TIME. HE IS ALSO GIVING DRIVING LESSONS TO THE OLD LADY THAT "ALMOST" HIT TOM AND IS COUNSELING HER. SHE WILL LEAVE HER A BETTER PERSON. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN< TEDY BRUSCHI IS A GOD!

milwaukeebeers44 · 06-20-2006, 08:22 AM

Heh, those are great. I especially love Peyton and Eli's and the tongue-in-cheekness of it all.

***Lloyd_Christmas*** · 06-20-2006, 08:44 AM

I have to adjust a few of them:

Donovan McNabb - He never would have gotten in the accident because he would have gotten winded from riding the motorcycle for so long and would have had to turn off road, vomit, and rest for a while.

Vinny Interceptaverde - He would have missed that car and hit a car different colored car going in the opposite direction.

Chad Pennington – He would have been traveling through the air too slow and came up just short of the car, without injury. Then he'd drop a shoulder picking the bike back up.

Brett Favre - He would have gotten hurt, but when the plastic surgeons repaired his face, at least they could have done something about the fact that he appears at times to have no lips.

And here's a few new ones:

Brian Griese - Same result except he would have had liquor on his breath and his dog would have been driving that car

Joe Namath - He'd have been drunk too and after the faceplant he would have propositioned the old lady for a kiss.

Rob Johnson - His body would have completely disintigrated in mid air

Doug Flutie - He would have stopped and drop-kicked the motorcycle through the old lady's windsheild

***Tunescribe*** · 06-20-2006, 09:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pats-blue

Tom Brady's was wrong...it wasn't angels...it was.....TEDY BRUSCHI COMES OUT OF NO WHERE AND LIFTS TOM BRADY OUT OF HARMS WAY! WHATS HE DOING NOW? HE IS FIXING TOMS BIKE AND DRAWING THE DIAGRAM FOR THE POLICE AT THE SAME TIME. HE IS ALSO GIVING DRIVING LESSONS TO THE OLD LADY THAT "ALMOST" HIT TOM AND IS COUNSELING HER. SHE WILL LEAVE HER A BETTER PERSON. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN< TEDY BRUSCHI IS A GOD!

I haven't laughed this hard since that Tedy Bruschi super hero thread in the Steelers forum. Good one, Pats-Blue.

***Mike the Brit*** · 06-20-2006, 09:55 AM

Michael Vick must have done it while scrambling.