The eighth descendant of Paul Revere was seen galloping down Route 1 last night. Trouble is, only I saw him.
This is just one of those metaphysical things that I simply can’t explain. It’s like Denzel Washington in The Preacher’s Wife. Or Patrick Swayze in Ghost. Or the baseball players in Field Of Dreams. I saw him. You didn’t. What can I say?
Revere (I don’t know his first name) was atop a tall and handsome white stallion, wearing a three-cornered hat, and carrying a lantern. Unlike his more famous ancestor, he was a little more high-tech. Inside the lantern was a kerosene wick, not a candle. The saddle he was on looked straight out of the Kittery Trading Post.
And I did manage to notice that he wasn’t wearing sideburns.
Naturally, when you see a Revere coming towards you on horse, you listen. And listen I did. But instead of hearing of this invasion by some foreign country, the young Revere took a more modern approach to his Town Crier mentality.
This dude is into the “good news, bad news” bit. Believe it.
So, I listened. What with the dramatic ebb and flow of the psyche of the average Patriot fan these days, you need to hear everything possible when it comes to this team. Your particular mood on any given day depends upon how the Patriots are doing at that moment. Red Sox fans can relate to this.
That said, here goes…
Good News: Troy Brown is still a Patriot.
Bad News: Chris Carter is still a Patriot.
Good News: Willie Clay may return as a Patriot.
Bad News: Otis Smith may return as a Patriot.
Good News: Bill Belichick has established himself as the man with the authority.
Bad News: He’s asking Bobby Grier for advice.
Good News: Ticket prices went up again at Foxborough Stadium.
Bad News: If you can’t afford it, someone else will.
Good News: Nomar Garciaparra has a celebrity date (Lauren Holly).
Bad News: So did Curtis Martin (Toni Braxton), and he split on us.
Good News: Our brain trust got together just in time to send a delegation to this weekend’s scouting combine.
Bad News: We can’t even think about the top 45 players.
Worse News: Bobby Grier is still around with powers of suggestion.
Good News: Ray Bourque.
Bad News: Marty McSorley.
Good News: The 3-4 defense means a linebacker corps of Chris Slade, Ted Johnson, Andy Katzenmoyer and Tedi Bruschi.
Bad News: Bruschi met with Seattle this week. Next up: Oakland.
Good News: Lamont Warren was released, thus more cap room.
Bad News: How much more? Something around $400,000. To capologists, that’s called “pocket change”.
Good News: We get an easy fifth place schedule this year thanks to finishing last place.
Bad News: For the sixth straight year, the Patriots have to play Denver. And the 2000 tilt is in what Ron Borges of the Globe calls “Football Hades, Colorado”.
Good News: Carlos Santana and Cher win grammys.
Bad News: Need Eric Clapton and Elton John to pick some more slack next year and get Young America the heck away from rap and hip-hop.
Good News: Looks like the State of Connecticut won’t sue.
Bad News: After a $2.4 million settlement fee, natch.
Good News: Pete Rose is still suspended from baseball.
Bad News: John Rocker might play again some day.
Good News: If all else fails, hey, Tebucky Jones can play free safety.
Bad News: What about Tony George?
Worse News: What if Clay does come back?
Good News: Heath Irwin signed with Miami today.
Bad News: Looks like Max Lane’s job is secure.
Good News: Defensive linemen and wideouts are plentiful in the draft this year.
Bad News: Wish offensive tackles were.
Good News: Bob Kraft finally realizes that Bobby Grier is not the great GM everyone thought he was.
Great News: Thank goodness Rick Pitino isn’t into football.
Good News: Bob Kraft got rid of Christian Peter. Dan Duquette got rid of Jose Canseco. Harry Sinden got rid of Joe Murphy. Rick Pitino got rid of Dino Radja.
Bad News: Mark Cuban acquired Dennis Rodman.
Good News: Charlie Weis will inject a new vitality into the Patriot offense this year.
Bad News: Ben Coates, Bruce Armstrong, Shawn Jefferson, Heath Irwin, Terry Allen and Lamont Warren are all gone. Troy Brown remains unsigned. Result? This probably means 14 points per game in 2000, up from 13.9 in 1999’s second half.
Good News: Dick Enberg comes to CBS this fall, and returns to the AFC package.
Bad News: What if he’s paired with Dan Dierdorf?
Good News: No Patriot was injured in the Pro Bowl this year.
Bad News: The only reason to watch the game at all is the sexy women in the crowd. That is, if ABC is smart enough to realize this.
Good News: Spring training is here.
Bad News: The Bruins and Celtics are still playing.
Good News: ESPN Classic Network.
Bad News: They’re no better than ESPN in showing any NFL Films feature on the Patriots, if any exist.
Good News: The Patriots have the best defensive mind in football as their head coach.
Bad News: This genius still hasn’t selected a defensive coordinator.
Good News: Mike Grier is a hard hitter who can blast his opponent.
Bad News: He knows about hitting better than his dad does.
Good News: Ernie Zampese is no longer offensive coordinator.
Bad News: Dante Scarnecchia is still offensive line coach.
Good News: Thurman Thomas visited Foxborough.
Bad News: He left quickly.
Good News: Robert Edwards may still come back some day.
Bad News: Some reporter named Bob George predicted otherwise. What does he know. You go, Robert.