William Faulkner-Inspired Patriots Analysis

Let's review what went down on Sunday against the 49ers. We had a 40 minute to 20 minute time-of-possession difference. We had a power running game. A quarterback who didn't make too many mistakes. A defense that had control of the game and dominated the line of scrimmage. And a coaching staff that made the proper adjustments in the middle of the game to ensure the upper hand in the second half.

In short, we had a classic 2001-2006 New England Patriots victory. Reports of the 2008 Patriots demise can be taken with a grain of salt. For sure, they aren't out of the woods yet. They have a pretty tough schedule ahead of them with games against the Chargers and Broncos in the coming weeks. And yes, there will be times when the Patriots won't look like….

Oh, forget it. I'll stop pulling the wool over your eyes. I have no idea what I am going to write about this week. Really, I have no idea how to fill up 700 or so words this week. And after doing a weekly column for seven years on the Patriots, trying to describe a textbook Belichick-era victory has become like giving an intricate description of how to make a peanut butter and Fluff sandwich.

I've tried to be honest with you over the years. Some weeks I got it when I start typing. And some weeks I don't. This is the kind of week that would have had Terry Francona calling collect to the bullpen by the top of the second inning. So, henceforth in this column I'm going to mail it in. Stay with it. There's a punchline at the end.

Instead of giving you some insightful analysis, let me let you in on some of thoughts that go through my head as I watched the Patriots game Sunday. I hereby apologize to the legacy of William Faulkner as I depart on a stream of consciousness ride for the rest of this column.

Okay, here goes:

If they lose, today it's over. They're done.

I don't ever remember the Patriots playing out in San Francisco.

Geez, Cassel is doing a good Tony Eason impression when he collapses in the pocket. The season is over.

Jake, please don't put that carrot into the VCR player. Daddy is trying to watch the game.

They'll adjust. They always do as the game wears on.

No, they won't

I'll file the long bomb to Moss for a touchdown under unimaginable occurrences alongside the Red Sox in 2004 and the invention Tim Horton's coconut crème donut.

The running game is looking good all of a sudden. Cassel isn't making any mistakes.

I wonder why Gerardo's career didn't take off after "Rico Suave." He was a can't-miss kid.

This time of possession domination is becoming a joke.

Is that the Patriots defense making some key plays and actually intercepting the ball. I got to lay off the one Sam Adams Octoberfest I just downed. I'm starting to see things.

They got this game in the bag. In some ways, this year is going to be more interesting than last year. I could get to like this team if they don't throw a complete stinker like they did against Miami every other week.

Maybe the reason I wasn't so lucky with the women in high school is that I took my dance cues from Rick Springfield in that Jessie's Girl video.

Despite all the baloney that goes along with the Patriots--from high ticket prices to press conference that sound like the reading of the phone book—few things in life beat seeing the Patriots respond to a challenge and win a must-win game.

Okay, I'm done with that experiment. See it wasn't so bad. Perhaps you'll give me a mulligan for this week.

Just like I did for them against the Dolphins.

Idle Zinger thoughts while thinking that "I got tickets to see the Celtics vs. Oklahoma City" doesn't sound quite right:

Let me get this straight. The NFL can't bend its own rules to allow a roster exemption for Tampa Bay kicker Matt Bryant after the death of his infant son but will give the Bengals one for a punk like Chris Henry coming off yet another suspension. Why can't the Competition Committee take five minutes out of their lives to make a change on the fly in such an egregious situation?

Text Message of the Week comes from Matt (Salem is God's Country) Condon who writes after the 49ers game that he can feel 18-1 all over again.

This week's Obscure 1980s Music Video From My Youth comes from New England's own Face to Face. You'll be counting down from 10 after listening again to this catchy tune.