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"I'm going downstairs to write a Patriots column," I announced to my wife a few minutes ago. "What are you going to write about?" she poignantly asked.
"I don't know. I'll figure it out between here and the computer."
Truth is, as we sit here in mid-August there really isn't a helluva lot to cut into. The Asante Samuel holdout will come to its predictable end any day now and, I'm sorry, but a Mike Richardson arm injury in a pre-season game doesn't pack enough punch for me. (Note: This is the exact line in this column that precipitates a phone call from my friend Dwight chiding me for dismissing the gravity of said injury to the Patriots' Super Bowl chances.)
So until the Pats meet the Jets in the Meadowlands on September 9th, you'll be reading about yours truly and my trials and tribulations as the season unfolds. With my two kids now in the toddler years, the days of plopping my rear end on the couch for three hours will be harder to come by (I can sure as hell forget the nine hour marathons from yesteryear while I'm at it). This will be somewhat offset by Jakie running around in a Tedy Bruschi jersey and a comprehensive search and purchase of a Rodney Harrison jersey for Evelyn (You would have to know her to understand the meaning of the jersey selection. I suppose you could draw your own conclusions about my eighteen month-old angel).
Naturally, this has cut into my time watching Patriot-related programming and poring over publications, websites, etc. So I would be lying to you if I promised a great deal of insightful analysis beyond "Geez, Tom Brady is really accurate on third down" this season. Let's just say I'll do what I can to bring a fresh angle to the proceedings.
I have two big personal events worth passing along that I'm pretty excited about. The first BIG EVENT is that I've been relocated out of the upper deck and down into the end zone at Gillette Stadium. I'm all for the change. My dad….well, let's just say he's been watching Patriots games from the same sideline perspective since 1856 and he doesn't take to change all that well.
As for me, being in the second row of the upper deck was beginning to have its disadvantages for a few reasons. When it rains, the buildup on the Plexiglas that prevents some idiot from pitching over gives off the ambiance of watching the game from inside your car on a rainy day. I could live with this but what I have had enough of was watching our section turn into the Boston area's largest sports bar on Sunday afternoons. Does anybody watch the game anymore? These bozos are getting up to get two more beers and didn't it burn my ass that it always occurred in the middle of a third down play. Mix in very few regular season ticket holders in the area and--on occasion, especially the night games—it felt like a mix between a frat party and a Guns 'n Roses concert from yesteryear. Specifically, you find yourself spending half your time watching your back to ensure that you'll be able to show up to work on Monday morning. Make no mistake, a section full of season ticket holders polices itself and makes for a terrific gameday experience.
So that's where we're heading. We've sat down in the south end zone on occasion and it's a completely different experience. It's a blast when the play is down in your end but not that great when it's occurring in South Walpole. Also, we'll be just ten rows away from the rest of the guys in our tailgate group.
And that brings me to BIG EVENT #2. Stevie of the above tailgate group has been transferred to Dallas and this has its pluses and minuses. On the minus side, with him gone I'm going to feel a little awkward chomping on a watermelon-flavored cigar by myself in the parking lot. He also had one of those fancy cell phones where he can get the weather radar in real time. On the plus side, with the Pats making their once-in-eight-years trip to Dallas in October it was a no brainer that we were going to impose on him and make sure that he ordered up NESN on his television package in his new digs.
Hence, a few of us are off to Dallas in October for a lost weekend. "This trip better not end up on that stupid little website of yours," warned our ringleader Marky Mark. Before I could reply definitively, my cell phone fortuitously cut out on him. I couldn't give him a certain answer but suffice to say that the less I write about it, the more interesting it probably was.
Congratulations for making it through my final pre-season column. Like the games the NFL forces us to sit through, this column solved its purpose of warming up my typing fingers for the season.
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