(AP) Bill Polian announced today on his weekly radio show that he has signed Brett "Hit Man" Hart, a former WWE wrestler, to a one-game contract, which expires after Sunday. Hart, a former champion and fourteen year veteran, will "provide depth at outside linebacker."
A file photo of Brett Hart performing his trademark "Sharpshooter" move, in which he bends an opponent's legs until the opponent submits.
Speaking in front of a prerecorded televised segment on the
Bill Polian Show, the general manager downplayed the move, calling it a "necessary and overdue upgrade to team" and scoffed at notion that the personnel decision was in any way linked to recent rumblings about a possible intentional hit to Patriots' quarterback Tom Brady.
"Brett has always been a consideration for this organization. From the time he pinned Yokozuma at WrestleMania X, we have kept an eye on him. We believe Brett gives our defense a better chance to stop the run." When asked why Hart was signed for only one game, Polian snapped back "It's day to day. With all our players, there are no guarantees."
Polian speaks to reporters at a press conference Wednesday. Hours earlier, the Colts general manager announced the controversial signing of Brett Hart.
"You look at other wrestlers. Bill Goldberg. The Rock was a linebacker at Miami, you know? These guys are some of the best athletes around, and we believe we may be onto something."
A confused Tony Dungy was at a loss of words outside his Wednesday practice. "Who is this 'Hit Man'? Is this a joke? I don't understand, but whatever the situation, we'll make sure our guys are, ummm, our players and coaches are prepared for the game. It's, it's going to be a great game. What was that guys name again?"
When asked about the recent signing, Tom Brady said during his conference call that he was unaware of the recent roster move. "Brett Hart? I haven't heard from that guy since he pinned Stone Cold Steve Austin at Summerslam. That guy was a great wrestler, and we have a lot of respect for him. We respect all of our opponents, and we wish Brett the best of luck in the NFL, just not against us." When asked about the suspicion of dirty play, Brady turned to Belichick-speech. "No comment," he said, his voice shaking.
"Brett Hart is a great wrestler, and presumably a great football player," Bill Belichick told reporters. "He runs well, he tackles well, he's smart, he's fast, he has a great leg lock, the Sharpshooter. We will just work with the players we have. We're just trying to win a football game."
The Associated Press has not yet confirmed a report that, according to numerous league sources, the Patriots attempted on Wednesday afternoon to contact Sid Vicious, another former wrestling starr, a pursuit that has been put on hold due to Belichick's confusion about the wrestler. "Wasn't he the the guy with the bad temper, who could break a guys knees in one motion? Or was that someone else? In fact, isn't Vicious a rock star? Did he die?" According to reports, the Patriots' front office is currently focused on answering these questions.
Original article by Ice_Ice_Brady. Not to be reproduced or republished without permission.
(Satire) Polian signs former wrestler Brett Hart to one-game contract
Linear Mode
