Editor's note: As a public service to the regular readers of Kevin's column, once a year during the Patriots bye week, his wife gets to say her peace. The lovely and talented Mrs. Rousseau somehow manages to put up with him and this is her only outlet. So please, lend her your ear once again.
As many of you know, we are expecting our first child later this month and while I couldn't be happier, I must admit that I am a bit concerned for this child and the exposure to all things Patriots that he or she will have to deal with right off the bat. I mean, come on, give the kid a break.
Let's see where do we begin this year. Okay, how about:
We started the "off season"( whoops- what am I talking about- there is no such thing in my house- but I digress) with a near fatality. You see, I was peacefully sleeping one early morning, when all of the sudden there was a shriek of horror coming from the room across the hall. I sprung from my bed to see what was the clatter, grabbing my medical bag on the way preparing for a hideous scene, when imagine this scene: There laid the Superbowl XXXVI jester bobblehead on the floor broken in two, and my husband on his knees crying boo-hoo. I tried to console and offered to glue. But there was nothing I could do. The jester just looked up at me with that clay smile and I looked back with a grin on my face. But honestly, I could only hope that the Surferboy bobblehead from Superbowl XXXVII had taken his place!
Equally as shocking was that he did this while ironing.
He speaks more about his dreams of sportswriting glory to Mr. Patsfans.com himself, Ian Logue, than me. Share your innermost dreams with your wife for a change, will ya pal?
Patriots player game jerseys have been offered to me as stylish maternity clothes. No thanks. I'll stick to Motherhood Maternity wear.
Searching for Patriots baby clothes has now become the excuse for runs to TJ Maxx and the Patriots Pro Shop looking for apparel. I draw the line at cheerleader outfits and uniforms for the child.
We "had to" buy a new TV set after the last Super Bowl win. Apparently, he was somehow "embarrassed" by the perfectly fine 19" Magnavox that our guests were forced to watch the game on. The new TV was on sale, you know, and we "couldn't afford not to buy it!" In actuality, what this really means is that we needed a bigger TV SO Kevin can yell even loader at it when things go wrong during the game.
Mr. Writer might be doing some electronic media work coming up soon so....... Our house now has a brand new nose and ear hair trimmer for these vague, potential future occasions. Is this a write off like the TV and satellite radio purchases? I have been told that both are used for "research" for his articles.
At first site of Patriots game apparel, our dog just gets up and leaves the room, knowing the routine and ruckous that is to follow for the next few hours.
As I just said, satellite radio has come to our home as part of a research tool. But the TV is still on to check the scores..... WHAT? Use your fancy radio to check the score, pal!
I never thought I would see a grown man cry over Direct TV. Not because of being overjoyed, mind you, but because as my husband stood up on the rooftop and the words "too many trees" were being offered by the installer as the reason why it would not work at our house, I could feel the agony of defeat. Pleased to (not) meet you, NFL Sunday Ticket!
The AFC championship game panoramic picture hasn't made its way into the house yet, but I'm sure it's coming. Please, will you get the darn thing so I can stop hearing about how "I was actually in the picture this time"?
Thankfully, the Topps football ticket thing-a-magigs are back on the shelves. Apparently, withdrawl symptoms were setting in.
Who is stupid enough to pay $29.95 for a Patriots Super Champs 3X5 flag anyway? "Limited edition" I'm told. Yeah, limited to the first million suckers who buy this piece of cloth.
The same thing goes for these hats and t-shirts that "they" make you buy every time they win a division, conference, or Super Bowl. I'm sorry, but "They ain't wearing this hat in Buffalo, honey" just isn't a good enough excuse to spend $25, Mister.
Ditto for these "Championship blah blah blah" DVDs that he only watches once.
Don't take a day off from work to spend with your wife. Rather, go down to Boston with Ian to watch the Patriots go whizzing by in a duck boat for three seconds along with a million of your closest friends on a Tuesday in February. How is this a "once in a lifetime experience?"
According to my husband, apparel is EVERYTHING! This revelation occurred to him in his sleep; waking me up with the big announcement!
Who is this Peyton Manning guy? And why is he considered such an evil man?
OK- Tailgating and the gourmet meals fine... but is the deluxe tent really necessary for the two times a year it drizzles?
A few days before the Titans playoff game, he's yelling "Saturday nights all right for fighting" in his sleep. Come on, what was he thinking? That he was going to be the one who was going to stop Eddie George on third down?
Speaking of that Titans game, he miraculously recovered from a bad cold/flu to sit in the upper deck on a 2 degree night. What a hero! Minute Maid's stock must have shot up 42% the two days before the "big game."
And while I'm at it, frankly "Grandpa-to-be" Rousseau and new Uncle Brian are not helping my cause by sharing in Kevin's fascination with all things Patriots. This leaves me and Kevin's poor mother as the only immediate family members who will try and keep some balance in this kid's life.
Okay, I've said my peace for yet another year. On a serious note, I would like to thank Boston IVF for making the dream of having a child a reality for us. Now I'll be busy with two kids, if you know what I mean.
And even if you still want to talk to my husband after reading this, he can be reached at [email protected].
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