Belichick Surprised With Some Comments<\/strong><\/h3>\nBelichick, who was introduced by actor Will Farrell dressed as Ron Burgandy, took the stage to the backdrop of some sinister music, drawing a standing ovation from the crowd on hand as he walked up to the podium.<\/p>\n
The former coach, dressed in a light blue sportcoat, was all smiles as he fixed the microphone, as he normally did here in New England.<\/p>\n
He opened things up saying, “Ron Burgandy, the only member of the media I respect.”<\/p>\n
Belichick, smiled, saying,\u00a0“The fellas invited me up here to lighten up the mood a little bit tonight.”<\/p>\n
While some had wondered if Belichick would ever talk about The Dynasty<\/em> series on Apple TV, he took advantage of his opportunity Sunday night to fire back.<\/p>\n“I’m so honored to be here for the roast of Tom Brady on Netflix,” said Belichick.\u00a0 “That’s not to be confused with the roast of Bill Belichick on the ten-part Apple TV series.”<\/p>\n
He then went right at Brady.<\/p>\n
“A lot of mean things being said about Tom tonight,” said Belichick.\u00a0 “Wonder why they invited me.\u00a0 Really Tom, why are all these people so hard to you, do you miss me?”<\/p>\n
He had a few additional funny moments.\u00a0 Telling host Kevin Hart, “Whenever Kevin [Hart] talks, I go into a cover two defense,” he said.\u00a0 “I cover both ears.”<\/p>\n
He also threw a barb at his former tight end. “Gronk, I’ve been watching you on Fox NFL Sunday and I’m begging you, stop doing your job,” he said.\u00a0 “Do another job.\u00a0 Do somebody else’s job.”<\/p>\n
Belichick then referenced a commercial Gronkowski did for what Belichick called, “some of his favorite foods,” including “Dunkin Donuts, Cambells soup, and Tide Pods. “100% true story, I used Rob’s Tide Pod commercial to teach our team, “This is when you say no,” he said.\u00a0 \u00a0“Just because someone asks you to do something stupid, you don’t have to do it.\u00a0 Say, no.”<\/p>\n
He then embarked on his next bit, which drew a funny reaction from the crowd.<\/p>\n
“A lot of you don’t know this, but I really have a big heart,” he began, which caused some laughs from the audience.\u00a0 “Come on, man,” he said, trying to continue his bit as people laughed.<\/p>\n
“I rescued a dog from a shelter, and I rescued Randy from the Raiders,” he continued.\u00a0 “Listen, Randy, I’m really sorry you didn’t get a ring.\u00a0 Not sorry enough to give you one of mine.\u00a0 But I’m still really sorry.”<\/p>\n
Belichick added in a nice bit for Rodney Harrison.\u00a0 He called Harrison, “One of the greatest players I’ve ever coached.\u00a0 Great person, great competitor.\u00a0 He’s not in the Hall of Fame.\u00a0 To me, that might be the biggest joke of the night.”<\/p>\n
Later on, he went back at Brady.<\/p>\n
“I see your soccer team, Birmingham City, got knocked down another tier in the English Football League,” said Belichick.\u00a0 “To those not familiar with English Football and the intricacies to their obscure regulation system, just let me say, I’ll put it in English for you, they suck.”<\/p>\n
“Not so easy running a team, is it Tom?” Quipped Belichick – as Tom asked ,” you want to coach them?”<\/p>\n
However, one notable remark was one that it was surprising that Belichick – if he signed off on this script ahead of the appearance – was surprising.<\/p>\n
“People have said that Tom and I have butted heads a lot, and in a way, that was true, but not really,” said Belichick.\u00a0 “It was hard to butt heads with Tom because he was so far up Alex Guerrero’s ass.”<\/p>\n
That led to a lot of surprised reactions.<\/p>\n
He closed things out with another big one, with a backhanded way of essentially defending himself after all the talk the last two years.<\/p>\n
“For all of you out there that think about who\u2019s responsible for the Patriots\u2019 success during the time Tom and I were there,” said Belichick.\u00a0 “Was it Brady? Was it me? Was it Brady? Was it me? In reality, the truth of the matter is, it was both of us … because of me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Brady Also Tossed Some Unreal Bombs<\/strong><\/h3>\nBy the time Tom Brady took the stage, he was clearly ready to go.\u00a0 “I’ve had a lot of tequila,” he said.\u00a0 “I’ve been up here for two hours listening to s****y jokes.”<\/p>\n
He then tossed a playful barb at Peyton Manning, who introduced him but left the stage as Brady took the podium.<\/p>\n
“Peyton, thank you so much for coming out to L.A. to do this,” said Brady.\u00a0 “I know sometimes you live in Denver, and sometimes you live in Louisiana, but you’ll always live in my shadow.”<\/p>\n
“Peyton and I go way back,” said Brady.\u00a0 “When we started playing, Brett Favre was still faxing his d**k picks, and Anotonio Cramarte only had one kid.”<\/p>\n
The barbs just kept coming.\u00a0 Brady joked about how he was going to save the final minutes of the evening, and he wasted no time taking some shots.<\/p>\n
“The word hero comes to mind.\u00a0 But I struggle with that word,” said Brady.\u00a0 “Because, like the rest of America, I’ll always remember where I was that fateful day in September of 2001 when, tragically, those two jets slammed into Drew Bledsoe.”<\/p>\n
The camera panned to Bledsoe, who laughed and put his head to his hand as his former teammate continued.<\/p>\n
“Jeff Ross, I want to thank you for talking me into doing this.\u00a0 Another thing that I’m great at.\u00a0 Who knew?” said Brady.\u00a0 “Oh yeah, I did.\u00a0 Because I’m about to replace you as the greatest roaster of all time.\u00a0 So hit the bench, Jeff.\u00a0 Tonight, you’re Jew Bledsoe.”<\/p>\n
That elicited some laughs from Ross, who was rough on Brady to begin the night.\u00a0 From there, it was on to Gronkowski.<\/p>\n
“Professor Gronkowksi.\u00a0 My boy.\u00a0 Thank you for being here,” said Brady.\u00a0 “Despite everything we’ve seen here tonight, Gronk was actually useful on the field.\u00a0 Although, the bar for Patriots tight ends was actually pretty low back then.\u00a0 Block, catch, don’t murder.”<\/p>\n
Brady also went after Julian Edelman.<\/p>\n
“If you’re Tom Brady, you’re not only feared, you’re envied.\u00a0 People want to be you, right Julian?” said Brady.\u00a0 “Bro, you can live in my guest house, swim in my pool, try on my f******g jock or any other sick s**t you do when I’m not around.\u00a0 You’re a f****n stalker bro.\u00a0 You’ll never be me, ever.\u00a0 Ever.\u00a0 No, you can date a model, or four, steal my cologne, actively lobby to get Peyton Manning removed from the Hall of Fame, but you’ll never be me.”<\/p>\n
He also went back again at Bledsoe.<\/p>\n
“Even if I take their job while lying in a f*****n hospital bed coughing up blood, they all get rings when they play with Tom Brady, right Drew?”<\/p>\n
“Unless you’re Randy Moss,” added Brady.<\/p>\n
Kim Kardashian, who Brady was rumored at one point to be linked to, was the one person who appeared to weaken Brady after his joke about her.<\/p>\n
“I know Kim was terrified to be here tonight.\u00a0 Not because of this, but because her kids are at home with their dad,” said Brady.\u00a0 Kim then smiled and tilted her head looking at him, and Brady put his hand to his head and clearly wasn’t comfortable with that one.<\/p>\n
He also finally went after Roger Goodell.<\/p>\n
“We’ve got so many football greats tonight, but where’s Roger Goodell?”<\/p>\n
“Remember DeflateGate?\u00a0 The NFL spent $20 million and found that it was ‘more probable than not,’ that I was, ‘generally aware’ that someone may have deflated my footballs?” said Brady.\u00a0 “You could have just given me the $20 million, and I would have just told you I f*****g did it.”<\/p>\n
Brady then threw in a couple of fun jabs.<\/p>\n
“I don’t want to get the NFL too upset,” he said.\u00a0 “I’m trying to buy a piece of the Raiders.\u00a0 I’m tired of owning just the Colts and the Bills.”<\/p>\n
Then, Brady decided to throw out his own uncomfortable bit about his former coach.<\/p>\n
“And now, for the real reason you all are here, Coach Bill Belichick.\u00a0 Everyone asks me which ring is my favorite.\u00a0 I used to say, the next one.\u00a0 But now that I’m retired, my favorite ring is the camera that caught coach Belichick slinking out of that poor girl’s house at 6am a few months ago.\u00a0 Hey, you’ve still got it.\u00a0 Respect, Baby.”<\/p>\n
“You know we’ve been through so much.\u00a0 And after two decades, I finally had to admit that all along, it was you.\u00a0 You’re the reason for the Patriots’ dynasty.\u00a0 Because you, Bill Belichick, you are a true coaching genius.\u00a0 I mean, you had to choose between an aging, injured, overpaid Drew Bledsoe and a young, healthy, minimum-wage superstar.\u00a0 I could have gotten a f*****g coach from Foxboro f******g High School to make that decision.\u00a0 Run it again, Belichick.”<\/p>\n
He then added a couple of real zingers.<\/p>\n
“I’ve been out of the game for a minute, so I’m curious: How many Super Bowl rings have you won since I left?”<\/p>\n
“Maybe it’s not just the guy on the sideline.\u00a0 When I go to the Indy 500, I don’t ask the winning driver, hey, who gassed up your car?”<\/p>\n
It was an interesting night, to say the least, and one that should certainly generate some conversation.\u00a0 For now, the next time people will likely hear from him will be in the fall when he begins his next phase as an analyst with Fox Sports.<\/p>\n
Odds and Ends<\/strong><\/h3>\nAddional Brady Barbs: “Buffalo fans call themselves the Bills Mafia.\u00a0 How are you the f*****g mafia?\u00a0 At least the mafia has a ring you can kiss.” … “And while we’re at it, screw Colts fans.\u00a0 Colts are just Broncos that don’t F**k.” … “Kansas City, you say your stadium is the loudest?\u00a0 It helps when all your fans are 14-year-old girls.” … “And in honor of Tay Tay, let’s take a look at the Chiefs’ eras.\u00a0 Terrible for 50 years, good for 5.\u00a0 Shake it off.” … “Philly fans are just racist a*****s.\u00a0 But Kevin Hart is from there, so I get it.\u00a0 Yeah, f**k you Kevin.” … “In Philly, they have to grease up the light poles so people don’t climb them after games.\u00a0 You know how they grease up those poles?\u00a0 They rub someone from Philadelphia on them.” …\u00a0 “And Giants fans, f**k Eli and f**k you. Twice.” … Robert Kraft appeared at the event and the roast started off with Jeff Ross taking some shots, including referencing Kraft and the alleged message parlor incident in Florida.\u00a0 That was the lone time Brady intervened, saying, “Don’t say that s**t again.” … Kraft spoke during the event, telling Belichick he looked ” debonair in sleeves.”\u00a0 He told Brady,\u00a0 “Good luck buying the Raiders,” said Kraft.\u00a0 “They did your favorite thing already, they got rid of Jimmy Garoppolo.” … Kevin Hart did manage to get Kraft, Brady, and Belichick to do a shot together, trying to bury the hatchet between the three.\u00a0 Kraft called working with the two, “the greatest honor the good Lord gave me.” … Kraft also made a bold statement that will likely garner some headlines, telling Russian Leader Vladimir Putin, “Vladimir Putin, if you’re watching, give me my f–ng ring back.” … There were some uncomfortable moments, including frequent references to Aaron Hernandez’s death. Edelman had one of those cringe-worthy moments.\u00a0 When talking about the size of Gronk’s penis, Edelman added, “This other tight end, now he was hung.”\u00a0 Hernandez died in prison after committing suicide by hanging, so it seemed a little over the top. … Ben Affleck said to Brady, “This is pretty f*****g ballsy.\u00a0 Is life too good?” … Brady had a fair amount of former teammates at the event, with Drew Bledsoe, Randy Moss, Julian Edelman, and Rob Gronkowski there to deliver some jokes at his expense. Also among those on hand were Rodney Harrison, Willie McGinest, Danny Amendola, Matt Light, Lonie Paxton, Nate Solder, and Dan Koppen, with those players sitting behind that first group to take in the evening with Brady. … Others who were spotted there were Brady’s trainer Alex Guerrero, along with 49ers head coach Kyle Shannahan, Chargers coach Jim Harbaugh, UFC President Dana White, and comedian Jim Gaffigan.\u00a0 A couple of surprising faces were Patriots PR man Stacey James, former Patriots offensive coordinator Bill O’Brien, and former long-time Patriots director of football Berj Najarian.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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