OK, so I'm walking my dog along this dirt road and I see this blue hat all rolled up in the dirt by the side of the road. I pick it up, naturally, and it's a New England Deflators hat in good shape aside from all the muck. So I bring it home, naturally, and say to the wife,"Hey, willya throw this in the washer; I found it by the side of the road." So she says, "Thelonious, you're such an *******." OK, so what's my move here? Do I wear it muddy? Get a mistress to wash it for me? Hold it in the toilet and give it a few cleansing flushes? Nothing like this ever happened before: I'm pretty tore up about it. Are there counselors to help with this sort of thing? Edit: Well, I see asterisks where my wife's word is: rhymes with "crass mole."