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Need Marital Advice

Discussion in 'The PatsFans.com Pub' started by Thelonious, Apr 17, 2017.

  1. Thelonious

    Thelonious Third String But Playing on Special Teams

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    OK, so I'm walking my dog along this dirt road and I see this blue hat all rolled up in the dirt by the side of the road. I pick it up, naturally, and it's a New England Deflators hat in good shape aside from all the muck. So I bring it home, naturally, and say to the wife,"Hey, willya throw this in the washer; I found it by the side of the road." So she says, "Thelonious, you're such an *******."

    OK, so what's my move here? Do I wear it muddy? Get a mistress to wash it for me? Hold it in the toilet and give it a few cleansing flushes? Nothing like this ever happened before: I'm pretty tore up about it. Are there counselors to help with this sort of thing?

    Edit: Well, I see asterisks where my wife's word is: rhymes with "crass mole."
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2017
  2. ForThoseAboutToRock

    ForThoseAboutToRock 2nd Team Getting Their First Start

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    In my experience, the threat of you using the washing machine to "do a load" will compel her to just wash your treasure for you in order to avoid the threat of you screwing anything up for the rest of the household's laundry.
     
    • Useful Useful x 2
  3. BobDigital

    BobDigital Pro Bowl Player

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    Mmmm I am not in tuned with matters of the heart i am afraid. So I think it would be wise to ask those that are. So I asked a 5 year old boy and girl about your issue. The girl said "call her a princess and say she is pretty and give her a kiss on the lips". The boy replied "girls are gross".

    So it is clear you should call her a princess, say she is pretty and kiss her. If that fails inform her girls are gross. I hope this helps.
     
    • Useful Useful x 2
  4. Thelonious

    Thelonious Third String But Playing on Special Teams

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    This is VERY helpful. Unfortunately, I have already used the toilet swirl option, and now she won't be in the same room with me (or my new hat). Maybe I could email her that girls are gross? Could you ask your five-year-old if that seems wise? Otherwise, I may end up sleeping in the CRV again.
     
  5. Harry Boy

    Harry Boy Look Up, It's Amazing PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Throw the hat away, kiss your wife, I was married for 66 years......
     

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