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Jets Suck -- 2016 Edition (Official): Futility Confirmed

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Oct 1st

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Welcome one and all to another year of Jets suckage, as the countdown continues toward a full half-century since their last championship season, 1968-'69.

The hallowed tradition of this thread might be seen by many as mere diversion, an ephemeral source of transitory amusement. Yet, the veterans here realize its role as a vital public service -- informing and enlightening those otherwise oblivious to that morbid franchise's scurrilous, soulless transgressions against the Patriots, mankind at large, and all that is true and good. Our pledge is to keep the beacon of righteousness forever trained laser-like on East Rutherford's green slimy scourge.

We MUST remain vigilant, as the New Jersey Green Beans continue their scheming ways and underhanded shenanigans perpetrated by unprincipled owner/certified greedy dope Woody Johnson.

woody johnson dopey.jpg

For the uninitiated, here is a partial historical recap of the Green Beans’ violations and gaffes, in no particular order:

* Jets tamper with Pats coach Bill Parcells during Patriots Super Bowl run.
* Jets sign Pats running back Curtis Martin to bogus "poison pill" contract.
* Jets coach Herm Edwards sets NFL record for game clock mismanagement.
* Jets fans assault women in multiple “Gate 4” incidents.
* Pats assistant Eric Mangini steals Bill Belichick's laptop computer upon hiring as Jets coach.
* Jets coach Eric Mangini tampers with Patriots WR Deion Branch.
* Mangini and Jets front office initiate “Cameragate” against the Patriots.
* Jets coach Rex Ryan fined $50k for flipping off Dolphins fans in public.
* Immaturity and disorganization of team documented on HBO "Hard Knocks" series.
* Reporter Ines Sainz claims she was sexually harassed in Jets locker room.
* Jets players forced to take social awareness classes after Sainz incident.
* Trip-Gate: assistant coach Sal Alosi fined $25k and suspended for season.
* Rex Ryan's foot fetish videos starring wife make mainstream news.
* Ryan farms out his wife to strangers on Internet kink site.
* Ryan embarrasses self weeping publicly; makes horrid cameo in Adam Sandler film.
* Quarterback Mark Sanchez buttfumbles his way to infamy.
* Sanchez dates/beds high school girl; is photographed dancing nude with clothed women.
* Jets mascot Fireman Ed quits citing abuse from fellow fans, refuses team's request to return.
* Accused murderer/male Jets fan sucker punches small blonde female Pats fan in Jersey.
* Quarterback Brett Favre texts genitals photo to fellow Jets employee Jen Sterger.
* Penis selfie photo sexted by quarterback Geno Smith published on multiple web sites.
* Tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. arrested for drug possession, seen masturbating in his car.
* Jets sign convicted felon/dog killer Ron Mexico, a/k/a Michael Vick.
* Jets legend Joe Namath lauds Pats quarterback Tom Brady as the greatest ever.
* A drunken Namath shames the Jets trying to kiss reporter Suzy Kolber on national TV.
* CB Antonio Cromartie requests salary advance to pay child support; can't recall kids' names.
* Owner Woody Johnson openly tampers with ex-Jet/Patriot cornerback Darrelle Revis.
* CB Darrelle Revis returns for huge $$$ after tricking Jets into bidding against themselves.
* Media weasel/Jets hack Manish Mehta calls Patriots "petty" over Revis tampering allegation.
* Jets file bogus tampering claim over Pats owner Bob Kraft's comments regarding Revis.
* Defensive lineman Sheldon Richardson is suspended four games for his marijuana habit.
* Jets fans commission "cheaters" banner flown over Patriots training camp practice.
* Sheldon Richardson strikes again, charged with resisting arrest after traffic violations.
* Jets team officials don't learn about Richardson's latest arrest 'til two weeks later.
* Jets fans loudly boo quarterback Geno Smith during in-stadium training camp practice.
* Teammate punches Geno Smith breaking his jaw, sidelining him for two months.
* Jets guard Oday Aboushi is suspended one game, found with weed during traffic stop.
* Jets rookie quarterback Bryce Petty angers Jets fans by liking Domino's pizza.
* Jets WR Quincy Enunwa is suspended four games for abusing his girlfriend.
* Paranoid Jets have Gillette locker room swept for electronic bugs.
* Paranoid Jets Security Director Robert Mastroddi interrogates Pats sideline personnel.
* Mastroddi's son outed as publicly wishing injury, death to Tom Brady.
* Jets scum troll (jetfan51) starts threads at to spoil new "Star Wars" film.
* Jets organization trolls Pats/Belichick on Twitter for kicking off in overtime game.
* QB Fitzpatrick ruins Jets' 2015 playoff chances with interceptions vs. Bills.
* Cromartie strikes again, fathering 11th and 12th children with woman No. 8.
* Sad-sack GOP candidate Jeb Bush chooses Woody Johnson as campaign finance chairman.
* Jets tailgate bus burns up in Connecticut (in late February).
* Jets WR Brandon Marshall appears in court, charged with punching woman at nightclub.
* Cromartie strikes yet again, evicting his own mother from the home he bought her.
* QB Fitzpatrick fleeces desperate Jets for one-year, $12 million contract.
* Marshall and Revis get in limp-wristed training camp slap fight.
* Dr. Jay P. Granat, a renowned New York psychotherapist who has worked with Olympic athletes, proclaims, "The Jets have been mismanaged since 1969. The fans are down and the players are down. There is a hopelessness to the Jets. The feeling of hopelessness is one of the main things we see with depression.”
* Woody Johnson leaves Jets' "day-to-day operations" to become ambassador to Britain.
* Jets cut star center Nick Mangold in salary dump.
* Jets cut Revis after police charge him with felony assault.

More to come … please chime in with your own border-war lowlights.

Remember, folks: "Jets Suck" is not simply about them sucking on the field of play. That almost is peripheral to the true essence of Green Beans suckage, as bad as they can be between those white lines. They suck first and foremost as an organization devoid of scruples, integrity, honesty, proper hygiene or other remotely redeeming qualities.

Finally, we cannot forget Jets fans. Few words do them justice. We'll sum it up thusly via these three ambassadors of angst (l to r): Donny Delusion, Fito Fallacy, and Marty Misbelief.

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Pro Bowl Player
I think they'll fall off a little this year. And I think that without any bias. They don't have the most cap space, even if Fitz comes back he'll likely revert into old Fitz once he gets his payday. Good chance a lot of guys like Ivory and Wilkerson don't come back.

Ochmed Jones

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Aren't the jets about to enter cap trouble, and they do not have an elite qb?


Pro Bowl Player
It was fun last season to watch the Jesters and their fans come so close to the playoffs and predictably puke all over their jerseys at the last moment. :D

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Yay, it's back........

Agreed. Glad to see it's back. Feels like a hole in my soul when the "Jets Suck" thread isn't active.

And to get it started from our end...


Jet fans... baggin' the hot chicks since the 60's!


Veteran Starter w/Big Long Term Deal
Aren't the jets about to enter cap trouble, and they do not have an elite qb?

As far as I know they are. Revis won't be better than he was this year which was slightly above average. Fitzy will probably be back, but I doubt he has the same steady year he had this year. Wilkerson most likely walks as well. They aren't in good shape.
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