Jets Suck -- 2019 Edition (Official): Entering A New Half-Century of Moronic Mediocrity!

Did anyone think Manning would join a team that isn’t already loaded? He’ll be a GM someday when a small market Super Bowl caliber nucleus offers him the job.

See: free agency, 2012z

[KING GEORGE]

They say
Cro-magnon is stripped of his power and stepping away
‘Zat true?
I wasn’t aware that was something in May you could do
I’m perplexed
Are they gonna keep on replacing whoever’s in charge?
If so, who’s next?
There’s nobody else in their ****hole who looms quite as large…

A sentinel whispers in King George’s ear

Adam Gase?!
I know him
That can’t be
That’s that crappy coach from Miami
All those losing teams
What was it, seven-and-nine?
That poor man, they’re gonna eat him alive!
Oceans rise
Empires fall
Next to Belichick, they all look small
All alone
Watch them run
They will tear each other into pieces
************, this will be fun!

Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da
Da da da dat dat da ya daaaaa!

“Coach Adam Gase”
Good Luck

IcyPatriot said:

Well he's either not crazy ... not stupid ... or both.
That job offers him nothing .........

Click to expand...

Hmm, I beg to differ. What Jete fan’s mom wouldn’t want Peyton Manning living in her basement instead of her unemployed son? Music to her ears: NJ is the place for me; Peyton loves a moldy smell; Order me some Papa Johns.

Bill Lee said:

Rut-roh, looks like da Jete's plan B has become Plan Z...

Click to expand...

Damn. I wanted him to return the favor and hire Elway as their new QB (with wife's beauty products applied as needed to various owies...)

Ice_Ice_Brady said:

[KING GEORGE]

They say
Cro-magnon is stripped of his power and stepping away
‘Zat true?
I wasn’t aware that was something in May you could do
I’m perplexed
Are they gonna keep on replacing whoever’s in charge?
If so, who’s next?
There’s nobody else in their ****hole who looms quite as large…

A sentinel whispers in King George’s ear

Adam Gase?!
I know him
That can’t be
That’s that crappy coach from Miami
All those losing teams
What was it, seven-and-nine?
That poor man, they’re gonna eat him alive!
Oceans rise
Empires fall
Next to Belichick, they all look small
All alone
Watch them run
They will tear each other into pieces
************, this will be fun!

Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da
Da da da dat dat da ya daaaaa!

“Coach Adam Gase”
Good Luck

Click to expand...

[The New Jersey Hamiltons (ensemble)]
You might be out of your GOTT damn mind if you think
That Adam Gase can bring New Jersey to the brink
Of messing with New England's winning streak with that mess
A game of chess, While the JEST are king- and ring-less
We signed a contract with Maccagnon, who's now on unemployment
Would you like to call him up and ask him what your boy meant?
Uh, should we fire all the players that you hired?
"Do whatever you want, I'm super fired"

PatsFanInVa said:

[The New Jersey Hamiltons (ensemble)]
You might be out of your GOTT damn mind if you think
That Adam Gase can bring New Jersey to the brink
Of messing with New England's winning streak with that mess
A game of chess, While the JEST are king- and ring-less
We signed a contract with Maccagnon, who's now on unemployment
Would you like to call him up and ask him what your boy meant?
Uh, should we fire all the players that you hired?
"Do whatever you want, I'm super fired"

Click to expand...

I was trolling for Hamil-buddy. Thanks!

Jete GM interviews reportedly begin this week. Qualified candidates are lining up ...

PatsFanInVa said:

[The New Jersey Hamiltons (ensemble)]
You might be out of your GOTT damn mind if you think
That Adam Gase can bring New Jersey to the brink
Of messing with New England's winning streak with that mess
A game of chess, While the JEST are king- and ring-less
We signed a contract with Maccagnon, who's now on unemployment
Would you like to call him up and ask him what your boy meant?
Uh, should we fire all the players that you hired?
"Do whatever you want, I'm super fired"

Click to expand...

How does a playboy, worthless, son of an heir and a gold digger, dropped in the middle of a forgotten
spot in New Jersey by Providence in stinking of rat squalor
get to be an owner and a faller?

The Billion dollar, dmbass brother of a dmbass brother
got rich by grandpa working harder
grandpa being a lot smarter and being a self-starter
by fourteen, they sent away to a boarding school

And every day while others were learning and getting As
across the school he struggled though kept his thumbs up
Inside he was longing for nothing to be a part of
the brother didn’t care about business or barter

Then a trust fund check came and dollar bills rained
our man saw his future shooting high from his name
put a bottle in his mouth and deactivated his brain
and he took his first job as a birthright and it flamed
Well the word got around they said this kid is a drunk man
took out extra funds just to send him to the rehab again
Get your kicks and giggles don't forget from whence you came. And the world is gonna know your name.
What's ya name, man?

Christopher Wold Johnson
My name is Christopher Wold Johnson.
And there's a billion bucks I haven't burned.
But just you wait, just you, wait.

When he was 50, without a hit
Full of it, debt-ridden
Two years later, see Chrissy and his brother, all forgiven
All-good, sittin' in their own sick mansion and looking slick
And Chrissy did nothing but his brother was a prick

Moved in with a lady, the lady took half her side
Left him with nothin' but ruined pride
Somethin' new inside
A voice saying Chrissy, you gotta pity yourself
He started retreatin' and readin' every comic on the shelf

There would've been nothin' left to do
For someone born without the loot
He would've been dead and destitute
With millions in unearned restitution
Started partyin', yachtin' with his late mother's hoard
Buyin' private jets and cars and other things he can afford

Scannin' for every excuse he can get his hands on
Plannin' for the future, see him now as he stands on
The office of a team headed for a wasteland
In New York you can be a new man (x4) In New York (New York) Just you wait (x3)

Christopher Wold Johnson
We are waiting in the weeds for you
You could never back down
You never learned to take your time
Christopher Wold Johnson
New Jersey Sings for you
Do they know that your life’s a shame
Do they know all you got’s your name
The Jets will never be the same, oh

Woody is in Europe now
See if you can spot him
Another inbred fool takin’ us to the bottom
His opponents really knew his rep, New Jersey soon forgot him

(Darnold and Adams) We, fought with him (chorus mock chuckles)
(Bell) Me, I signed with him (chorus facepalms)
(Cro-magnon) Me, I trusted him (chorus gasps)
(Gase) Me, I loved him (chorus weirded out)
(Grandpa) And me, I'm the damn fool that bought him (chorus: ev-er-y-THING!)
There's a billion bucks I haven't burned, but just you wait
Whats ya name man?
CHRISTOPHER WOLD JOHNSON

Ice_Ice_Brady said:

$10 says Charlie Casserly is the new GM by midnight tomorrow. Or a data entry hourly guy from the NEPs.

Click to expand...

Casserole does seem the obvious choice. Louis Riddick is the only other 'GM Candidate' on TV that I can think of, and I can't imagine they'd pay him enough to take over that dumpster fire.

Reggie McKenzie, maybe. I mean, he was in Oakland, he knows his dumpster fires.

When this guy was pleasuring himself in a parking lot, it was funny -- disgusting and animalistic, but funny.

This is just plain horrible:

TommyD4207 said:

Casserole does seem the obvious choice. Louis Riddick is the only other 'GM Candidate' on TV that I can think of, and I can't imagine they'd pay him enough to take over that dumpster fire.

Reggie McKenzie, maybe. I mean, he was in Oakland, he knows his dumpster fires.

Click to expand...

Here comes the reality competition, like The Apprentice, to decide the next GM.

You can't make this up:

slam said:

You can't make this up:

Click to expand...

Is this a joke? It has to be. That guy is just a fat, goofy fanboy.

Tunescribe said:

Is this a joke? It has to be. That guy is just a fat, goofy fanboy.

Click to expand...

Well, their first choice was Fireman Ed but he wasn't available.

slam said:

You can't make this up:

Click to expand...

Tunescribe said:

Is this a joke? It has to be. That guy is just a fat, goofy fanboy.

Click to expand...

Well Mehta is a joke and the Jets are a joke, so I think in this case truth is indistinguishable from parody.

I’d give the job to Kay Adams. At least she’s nice to look at.

slam said:

You can't make this up:

Click to expand...

Wait wait don't tell me, next da Jete are going to talk to Peter Sagal?

slam said:

I’d give the job to Kay Adams. At least she’s nice to look at.

Click to expand...

From the neck-up maybe, on a good day. She's got the body of a 9-year-old boy, she lacks secondary sex characteristics. But as far as advising the Jete, she'd probably suffice just fine.

Ice_Ice_Brady said:

How does a playboy, worthless, son of an heir and a gold digger, dropped in the middle of a forgotten
spot in New Jersey by Providence in stinking of rat squalor
get to be an owner and a faller?

The Billion dollar, dmbass brother of a dmbass brother
got rich by grandpa working harder
grandpa being a lot smarter and being a self-starter
by fourteen, they sent away to a boarding school

And every day while others were learning and getting As
across the school he struggled though kept his thumbs up
Inside he was longing for nothing to be a part of
the brother didn’t care about business or barter

Then a trust fund check came and dollar bills rained
our man saw his future shooting high from his name
put a bottle in his mouth and deactivated his brain
and he took his first job as a birthright and it flamed
Well the word got around they said this kid is a drunk man
took out extra funds just to send him to the rehab again
Get your kicks and giggles don't forget from whence you came. And the world is gonna know your name.
What's ya name, man?

Christopher Wold Johnson
My name is Christopher Wold Johnson.
And there's a billion bucks I haven't burned.
But just you wait, just you, wait.

When he was 50, without a hit
Full of it, debt-ridden
Two years later, see Chrissy and his brother, all forgiven
All-good, sittin' in their own sick mansion and looking slick
And Chrissy did nothing but his brother was a prick

Moved in with a lady, the lady took half her side
Left him with nothin' but ruined pride
Somethin' new inside
A voice saying Chrissy, you gotta pity yourself
He started retreatin' and readin' every comic on the shelf

There would've been nothin' left to do
For someone born without the loot
He would've been dead and destitute
With millions in unearned restitution
Started partyin', yachtin' with his late mother's hoard
Buyin' private jets and cars and other things he can afford

Scannin' for every excuse he can get his hands on
Plannin' for the future, see him now as he stands on
The office of a team headed for a wasteland
In New York you can be a new man (x4) In New York (New York) Just you wait (x3)

Christopher Wold Johnson
We are waiting in the weeds for you
You could never back down
You never learned to take your time
Christopher Wold Johnson
New Jersey Sings for you
Do they know that your life’s a shame
Do they know all you got’s your name
The Jets will never be the same, oh

Woody is in Europe now
See if you can spot him
Another inbred fool takin’ us to the bottom
His opponents really knew his rep, New Jersey soon forgot him

(Darnold and Adams) We, fought with him (chorus mock chuckles)
(Bell) Me, I signed with him (chorus facepalms)
(Cro-magnon) Me, I trusted him (chorus gasps)
(Gase) Me, I loved him (chorus weirded out)
(Grandpa) And me, I'm the damn fool that bought him (chorus: ev-er-y-THING!)
There's a billion bucks I haven't burned, but just you wait
Whats ya name man?
CHRISTOPHER WOLD JOHNSON

Click to expand...

He is the J-O H-N S-O-N
Woody, should he try again...

Of interest:



The "Collapse" part starts at 2:33 if you don't want to hear the part about them actually accomplishing anything worthy of a collapse.