November 02, 2009
Mrs. Rousseau's World Famous Bye Week Guest Column
BY: Kevin Rousseau
Editorial note: As a public service and a now seven-year tradition to the regular readers of Kevin's column, once a year during the Patriots' bye week, his wife gets to say her peace. The lovely and talented Mrs. Rousseau somehow manages to put up with him and this is her only outlet. So please, lend her your ear once again.
Last night, after working a very long day in the Emergency Department and returning home sometime around midnight, I was standing in the kitchen with my trusty dog Timber, eating cold chicken while reflecting on the events of the last year and some of the more interesting highlights to share with you in my annual article.
About an hour or so after hitting the send button on last year's column, we went to our Town's recycling center where there is a section of recycled toys. As our kids were rummaging through old Star Wars and Strawberry Shortcake figures, there was a sudden shriek from Kevin that stopped me dead in my tracks as he pulled out an old Phil Simms action figure and, barely able to speak, said "Oh my God, old NFL characters. Out of the way kids! Daddy's got to get in here. You don't understand, Christy. Somebody was an idiot for throwing these out." The rest of the day all I had to hear about was his re-telling the story about what a tremendous find this was. As I predicted, they have just replaced the bobblehead collection.
In case you haven't heard yet, my husband a year or so ago brought the ultimate, infamous frozen banana cream pie to tailgate. Who would have thought that a frozen pie would have to thaw out for a while if it was to be eaten in 20 degree weather. And store-bought Thanksgiving-decorated cookies do not make the top of the best tailgate menu items either.
I especially enjoyed it last year when the Patriots didn't make the playoffs and our three-year old daughter had to console Kevin in his state of distraughtness.
And yes, she knows the Jim Mora "Playoffs?!" rant by heart. Watching this clip over-and-over again on youtube apparently constitutes quality father-daughter time when I'm not around. I'm waiting any day now for an embarrassing report from pre-school that "when you turn the ball over five times…four interceptions…one for a touchdown…you aren't going to beat anybody." was uttered during story hour.
I believe it was near the end of the season against the Jets last year as things were getting a "little intense" because of the touch-and-go Patriots record, my dear Kevin was forced to listen to the radio as the game was broadcast on NFL Network. Talk about now being a happy camper, he actually threatened to shoot the TV because of this blackout. I'll duck out of the way since I'm not sure he really knows how to fire a weapon.
Speaking of the military topics, I am very proud of my husband for graduating from Reserve Officer Candidate school at the Coast Guard Academy this past summer. He has become an Ensign in the reserves and is now part of the uniformed services. His most pleasant surprise has been the military discount at the Patriots Pro Shop. Better than the free day they offer military folks at Sea World? Close. Very close.
Speaking of the Pro Shop, Mr. Wonderful FINALLY got his white 1963 Tom Brady throwback jersey after weeks of obsession surrounding these throwback money-grabs that the NFL seems to always put out. Of course, the choice between the red or white throwback jersey was not as easy as you would think given that he already had the 1985 red Brady throwback that they wore ONCE in 2002. "Red or white? White or red? I can't make up mind." So after much ado, he settled on the white jersey which I'm told was hard to come by. "The Loch Ness Monster of the Football Jersey World." I'm also told that when he was hemming and hawing right up until the last minute as to which one to buy at the Pro Shop. The above-mentioned three year-old was the voice of reason as she said "Daddy, get the white one. It's the one you've always dreamed of." The day he finally found it and bought it was a day we could all rest a little easier.
Our pre-school son, for some reason, is a Cleveland Browns fan and resists repeated Patriots brainwashing attempts. This brings a great smile to my face just thinking of the hamster spinning in Kevin's head.
The Quote of the Year came during a random column writing "I am such an awesome writer." Please. I had a few choice words and silent finger gestures in response to that one.
And as if the ego hasn't spiraled completely out of control this year, Kevin was asked to come on a local sports radio station to talk Patriots. The kicker was "So, we'd like to give you your own introductory theme song as we announce your name." This created another "red or white" debate in his brain. He finally settled on "For Those About to Rock."
Recently, Kevin has become a fan of Paul "Fitzy" Fitzgerald's Townie News website. Of course, I had no idea who he was until forced to watch several minutes of his stuff on youtube. After admittedly several minutes of belly laughing, I said "This guy is good. I like him." Kevin replied "He is so cool. I want him to be my friend. I'm going to e-mail him." Two days later during a rather busy ED shift I get a phone message from Kevin that I couldn't take right away. The message? "Fitzy e-mailed me back!" So now we have an e-harmony match.
I was forced to have a documentary of the USFL on the television a few weeks ago. Let's just take some time to ponder that one waste of an hour of television. Next tailgate, please have at it with him on this one guys.
We have now taken to tailgating in the living room with the kids during away games. This usually entails the kids stepping guacamole dip, tackling each other and the dog passing horrendous gas after one too many Cheetos along with the usual assortments of hand gestures and comments that come with watching a Patriots game. As long as there is a W for the Pats, cleanup is a breeze.
As for my annual right of passage, I did get to go again to a "real" game against the Ravens a month or so ago. No more preseason suck tickets for me. Those will now be pawned off on the kids until they wise up. Kevin in his above-mentioned white Brady throwback and me in my pink and blue Patriots breast cancer hat seemed to be collectively and individually the only two people at this game with this apparel which pleased him to no end. So my beloved Captain Obvious took it upon himself to update the frequency of this status throughout the game. Yup, another talent of his.
In the few rare minutes of free time I have, I signed up for Facebook. Kevin won't get his own page because he thinks it will take up too much of his time yet I am inundated with requests to check on that person's pictures or write Matt an email. On the other hand, I would like to thank Mark, Matt, Steve and Bill for passing along little Kevin-isms through Facebook that I would normally not get otherwise.
And finally, just in time for this year's column I mentioned that it would be nice for the Halloween Grinch to dress up just once for Halloween. So after a great deal of thought, he comes out as TFB. A jersey, pair of sweatpants, black sneakers, white socks up to his knees and electrical tape for eye glare. How original.
Well, that's it for another year. Peace to all. This year's column is dedicated in loving memory of a great Patriots fan, Kevin's grandfather Donald Boucher, who passed away in August. We miss him very much.
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