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Why the Patriots will lose to the Steelers (Sarcasm rant post)

Discussion in 'PatsFans.com - Patriots Fan Forum' started by xmarkd400x, Dec 7, 2007.

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  1. xmarkd400x

    xmarkd400x Rookie

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    The New England Patriots will lose to the Pittsburgh Steelers this Sunday. In fact, there is a good chance that they will lose by double digits. The Steelers have been playing confident football the past two weeks. I would argue they have been as confident as anyone in the league. Plus we all know the Steelers lead the league in testicular fortitude. This column compares the relative strengths and weaknesses of the two teams on an epic, drama filled, epic collision course for Sunday.

    NE Passing O v. PIT Passing D
    Defending the New England passing attack starts with shutting down Randy Moss, the heart of the NE passing offense. If we have learned anything from the past two games, it is that Randy Moss completely shuts down at any hint of physical force. Both the Eagles and the Ravens hit him early and hit him often. He was a non-factor in both games. In fact, since this is something that has been known about Randy Moss since he came into the league, it is a wonder he isn't shut down every game.

    If Randy Moss is the heart of the passing offense, Tom Brady is the head. The past two games against the Patriots have taught all pundits of the pigskin a new unassailable truth: if the quarterback is sacked he cannot throw the ball. It would seem that if this revelation was made earlier in the season, New England might be a paltry 6-6 at this juncture. The Steelers will come into this game attempting to sack Brady, something no team has attempted until two weeks ago. New England, your jig is up.

    If Moss and Brady are the heart and head, Wes Welker is the.. uh.. jugular. The jugular is a conduit between the brain and the heart. Needless to say, Pittsburgh's defense is known for going for the jugular. We all know that if the jugular is torn, the heart and head cannot transfer blood. Therefore, it is clear that the Steelers will be able to "go for the Welker" and make it so that Brady and Moss cannot transfer the blood of scoring, the football.

    Edge: Steelers

    NE Rushing O v PIT Rushing D
    The New England rushing attack has been neglected through 12 weeks of this season. Mark Schlereth has noted that the Patriots do not practice the run enough in practice, and will not be able to execute run plays effectively. If Mark Schlereth, the leader of a line that opened truck-sized holes for the great Terrell Davis thinks that the Patriots run O is lacking, there must be some truth to it. Add to that the injury to Sammy "not made of glass" Morris, and you have the sub-par rushing attack you see today. In my opinion, the Patriots offense is really the 5th best in the league.

    Edge: Steelers

    Special Teams
    This is the one area that the Patriots have an edge. Ellis Hobbs has an NFL-record 108 yard KO return for a TD. The Steelers do not. This is clear evidence that the special teams can get it done when they need to.

    Edge: Patriots

    Steelers Passing O v NE Passing D
    Big Ben leads the most underrated passing attack in the league. He is also younger than Brady. Undoubtedly, Big Ben has watched game tape from the Eagles game and learned that if any of his recievers are running "ins" or "slants" he should throw to them. For the non-football minded, "ins" and "slants" are plays where the person catching the ball makes a move to the middle of the field in an attempt to get open.

    The Steelers have 80% of the offensive line that won the superbowl recently, and they are still effective. Big Ben can sit in the pocket all day and throw the ins and slants.

    Edge: Steelers

    Steelers Rushing O v NE Rushing D
    This barely even warrants a section. The Ravens O-Line pushed Seymour, Wilfork, Warren, and Green all around last week. The Steelers are a more physical team. The Pats will get outplayed again this week against a more physical O-Line.

    Edge: Steelers

    Final Score

    Since the Steelers have a 4-1 edge in these rankings, I expect them to win by a 4-1 ratio.

    Steelers: 40
    Pats: 10
  2. DefenseRules

    DefenseRules Rookie

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    #12 Jersey

    Yeah we just flat out SUCK!
  3. PatsDeb

    PatsDeb PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    You forgot "intangibles"! Steelers have the edge there too. Bill Belichick is a cheater, while first year coach Mike Tomlin, plays old-fashioned, smash-mouth, Steeler-pride football.

    Edge: Steelers
  4. Krugman

    Krugman Rookie

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    Thats a great post,I would like to add that brilliant insight of (insert stupid sports reporter's name here) who states "if you pressure Tom Brady,he is more likely to make mistakes".....thank god for that revelation....
  5. The Boston Patriot

    The Boston Patriot PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    This is as good as, or better than, any analysis of the game I have read all week. Great job! :rocker:
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2007
  6. qbert

    qbert Rookie

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    From a Steelers fan, very funny and nicely done.
  7. PatsNut

    PatsNut Rookie

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    Great post, by those standards, this game should be called due to "statistically overmatched analysis" :rocker:
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