Maybe these punishments are more fitting: Bill Belichick and Eric Mangini have been named as co-head coaches of the Detroit Lions. Both will need to agree on each call before the play begins and have no say over personnel decisions. Randy Moss has been shipped back to the Oakland Raiders, where Daunte Culpepper will be his quarterback and roommate on road trips. Wes Welker is forced to be the starting offensive guard. Tom Brady has been traded to Chicago to back up Rex Grossman. He has also been forced to breakup with Giselle and date Kathy Griffin. Vince Wilfork will be on next weak's episode of "the biggest loser" and will need to lose approximately 170 lbs. to win the competition. Rosie O'Donnell has been named intern coach of the New England Patriots. Whoopie Goldberg is the offensive coordinator. Scott Pioli has been named George Steinbrenner's lunch boy, and Steinbrenner has a craving for Calzone's from a small Italian bakery. Stephen Gostkowski will now be followed by a dummy of Adam Vinatieri at all times, and must be standing within the dummy's shadow where ever he travels. Patriots team will no longer have allotted time for game preparation; rather they will now be forced to watch every Peyton Manning commerical ever filmed, which should last for the rest of the season. Robert Kraft forced to trade Richard Seymour for defensive counterpart David Beckham. Every team will now be given a cloned 90s version of John Elway when they play the Patriots. Jason Taylor will also be on the field as a league-approved 12th player. Bill Belichick will also have to fill in for Rosie O'Donnell on her talk show. Drew Bledsoe signs a fully-guaranteed 14 year, $287 M contract with the Patriots, making him the richest player in the NFL.