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Discussion in 'PatsFans.com - Patriots Fan Forum' started by Scott37, Sep 13, 2007.

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  1. Scott37

    Scott37 Practice Squad Player

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    http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=patriots/070912&sportCat=nfl

    As news continues to develop regarding allegations that the Patriots spied on the Jets during Sunday's game at the Meadowlands, Page 2 tapped into its extensive network of sources to reveal further details of New England's espionage.



    • In a marketing coup through stadium sponsor Gillette, all Gillette razors sold nationwide are bugged and outfitted with GPS devices.



    • Each one of Asante Samuel's dreadlocks is a stick of dynamite.



    • Laurence Maroney's gold teeth come from his apprenticeship under Jaws.



    Kurt Snibbe
    • Tom Brady can burn through locks with his smoldering eyes.



    • The apostrophe in Donte' Stallworth's name is actually is a listening device.



    • Vince Wilfork conceals a surveillance van underneath his jersey.



    • Former wide receiver Reche Caldwell's eyeballs were actually surveillance cameras, but like his hands, they malfunctioned in the AFC Championship Game.



    • Bill Belichick has hired Bill Belichick to maintain surveillance on Bill Belichick. (No one else can be trusted to handle such a sensitive assignment.)



    • Belichick has the wives of 24 NFL coaches on his payroll.



    • Defensive lineman Le Kevin Smith, offensive lineman Logan Mankins and wide receiver Jabar Gaffney are clearly using ridiculous aliases.



    Kurt Snibbe
    • Team bus equipped with smoke screen and oil slick devices.



    • Adalius Thomas was signed from the Ravens to head New England's organized crime division.



    • Ted Johnson knew too much, and we suspect Belichick had his memory erased.



    • The entire Cincinnati Bengals' roster has been outfitted with tracking bracelets.



    • An operative working inside the Dolphins organization executed Miami's trade for 37-year-old quarterback Trent Green.



    • WR/DB/KR Troy Brown is a shape-shifter who can spy by becoming players on other teams.



    • Tedy Bruschi is a superhero (but that's no secret).



    • Wide receiver Wes Welker was signed primarily because he's able to fit in crawl spaces and doggie doors at opposing teams' headquarters.
     
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