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This is the way camera gate should be viewed

Discussion in 'PatsFans.com - Patriots Fan Forum' started by Scott37, Sep 13, 2007.

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  1. Scott37

    Scott37 Practice Squad Player

    Sep 13, 2004
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    As news continues to develop regarding allegations that the Patriots spied on the Jets during Sunday's game at the Meadowlands, Page 2 tapped into its extensive network of sources to reveal further details of New England's espionage.

    • In a marketing coup through stadium sponsor Gillette, all Gillette razors sold nationwide are bugged and outfitted with GPS devices.

    • Each one of Asante Samuel's dreadlocks is a stick of dynamite.

    • Laurence Maroney's gold teeth come from his apprenticeship under Jaws.

    Kurt Snibbe
    • Tom Brady can burn through locks with his smoldering eyes.

    • The apostrophe in Donte' Stallworth's name is actually is a listening device.

    • Vince Wilfork conceals a surveillance van underneath his jersey.

    • Former wide receiver Reche Caldwell's eyeballs were actually surveillance cameras, but like his hands, they malfunctioned in the AFC Championship Game.

    • Bill Belichick has hired Bill Belichick to maintain surveillance on Bill Belichick. (No one else can be trusted to handle such a sensitive assignment.)

    • Belichick has the wives of 24 NFL coaches on his payroll.

    • Defensive lineman Le Kevin Smith, offensive lineman Logan Mankins and wide receiver Jabar Gaffney are clearly using ridiculous aliases.

    Kurt Snibbe
    • Team bus equipped with smoke screen and oil slick devices.

    • Adalius Thomas was signed from the Ravens to head New England's organized crime division.

    • Ted Johnson knew too much, and we suspect Belichick had his memory erased.

    • The entire Cincinnati Bengals' roster has been outfitted with tracking bracelets.

    • An operative working inside the Dolphins organization executed Miami's trade for 37-year-old quarterback Trent Green.

    • WR/DB/KR Troy Brown is a shape-shifter who can spy by becoming players on other teams.

    • Tedy Bruschi is a superhero (but that's no secret).

    • Wide receiver Wes Welker was signed primarily because he's able to fit in crawl spaces and doggie doors at opposing teams' headquarters.
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