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This and That (The Tortoise)

Discussion in 'PatsFans.com - Patriots Fan Forum' started by Zeus, Sep 24, 2013.

  1. Zeus

    Zeus PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    1. False Start - Five of the six NFC playoff teams from 2012 have gotten off to a rocky start in 2013. The Redskins, Packers, Vikings, Falcons and 49ers are a combined 3-12 through week 3. Only the 3-0 Seahawks have gotten out of the gate intact. And the conventional wisdom that the balance of power has shifted to the NFC has taken a big hit, at least in September. So far, AFC 11, NFC 3.

    2. Quick thoughts elsewhere –

    • Didn’t see the bottom falling out so quickly for the Steelers and the Giants. As we like to say in the insurance business - that’s a darn shame.
    • The Texans, unmasked as frauds twice by the Patriots in 2012, are lucky to not be 0-3.
    • In San Francisco, Coach Harbaugh has not weathered the 49ers 1-2 start well and already looks to be on the verge of a psychotic breakdown.
    • It’s been shocking to see how poorly prepared the Redskins have been; there’s no way to be sure that Mike Shanahan’s mental faculties are still fully intact.
    3. An emerging trend that apparently died in its infancy is the Read-Option offense. It says here that if a young quarterback cannot read defenses and accurately throw the ball, eventually, it will not matter how fast he can run.

    4. The Choreographer – In Denver, the execution of even the most straightforward football play is a surreal ballet: part performance art, part unfathomable intrigue, part kabuki theater. Once the Offensive Coordinator makes the play call, The Choreographer embarks on wild frenzy of activity, the physical manifestations of which include violent arm flapping (might he actually leave the ground?), frantic finger pointing, various spastic contortions and other assorted involuntary frenetic bodily gyrations. The play that is ultimately run of course bears no semblance whatsoever to the original play. In addition to changing the call itself, The Choreographer must repeatedly shift the pass protection and manually rearrange all five eligible receivers (some multiple times). As the play clock nears expiration, The Choreographer’s frantic exhortations become increasingly shrill, culminating in a breathless crescendo of urgency (Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!). At last, mercifully, the ball is snapped. But not before The Choreographer has created the indelible impression in the minds of fans and (especially) media everywhere that HE is the actual coach, the real mastermind, the ultimate architect and that those poor saps in golf shirts standing in utter bewilderment on the sideline had nothing to do with the work of football art that is about to be revealed.

    5. Fiasco - The jets-Bills game on Sunday was actually a sociological experiment where aboriginal savages who had never been exposed to modern society were put in football uniforms, force fed mind-altering drugs, and summarily tossed onto a football field at gunpoint in front of 76,000 people. The result was a sloppy, incoherent morass of confusion, mayhem and ineptitude, resulting in a near unprecented blizzard of yellow handkerchiefs and the hospitalization of several game officials due to exhaustion. CBS is reportedly seeking a refund from the NFL, arguing that what happened on the field had no redeeming social value and did not constitute “professional football” as defined in the agreement between the network and the league. Meanwhile, the FCC is reviewing the CBS broadcast to determine how many federal regulations and laws were broken.

    6. Misdemeanor – One would think that the league would take a harsher view of a blatant attempts to manipulate the agreed upon drug testing procedures. So how do we explain the six week vacation given to Bronco LB Von Miller for his urine-soaked sleight-of-hand? Um, this is kind of a big deal. And yet, with the integrity of the game on the line, our hero, the intrepid Commissioner Blockhead, is working feverishly around the clock on other more compelling matters: levying severe financial penalties against players whose socks do not comply with the NFL’s stringent and uncompromising standards.

    7. The Purity of Amateur Althletic Competition (Chapter 7,234,215) – Intense competion among the $NCAA$ Top 25 this past week, which included the following barnburners:

    #7 Louisville 72 - Florida International 0
    #8 Florida St. 54 - Bethune Cookman 6
    #13 UCLA 59 - New Mexico St. 13
    #16 Miami 77 - Savannah St. 7
    #17 Washington 56 - Idaho St. 0
    #20 Baylor 70 - Louisana-Monroe 7

    It is unclear how this came about, but last 18 minutes of the Louisville-Florida International game were played with the clock running, a minor annoyance to the Cardinals who only managed to add 21 points to their 51-0 lead. No question that there are great life lessons being taught here. Players, fans and coaches are right to consider this an integral part of the college experience.

    8. Aesop’s Fables – Despite their 3-0 start, the 2013 New Engalnd Patriots are the Tortoise, not the Hare. Local fans should be indeed grateful for the blessings bestowed by The Great Schedule Maker. We have seen incremental improvements on the part of The Training Wheels Receiver Corps. Ever so gradually, the more experienced defense (never thought I’d get to say that again) is showing signs that their talent and experience might allow Coach Belichick to at long last return to his mad scientist proclivities on the defensive side of the ball. Slow but steady wins the race…

    9. Wounded Animals – Miami’s win over Atlanta was unfortunate on several levels, but was especially ill-timed. The Falcons return home facing the daunting prospect of a 1-3 start. They’ll be bringing everything they’ve got. This is a great test for the Patriots. I love everything about this game. Everything, that is, but Chris Collinsworth.
  2. KontradictioN

    KontradictioN Do you even lift? PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Posted four minutes ago, one view, and five stars already?



    Did you five star yourself? ;)
  3. KontradictioN

    KontradictioN Do you even lift? PatsFans.com Supporter

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    No Jersey Selected

    This was destined to die in the NFL anyway. I'm not sure it's fully dead yet, but it hasn't been faring too well in the beginning of this NFL season.
  4. Zeus

    Zeus PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    I would never do that
  5. KontradictioN

    KontradictioN Do you even lift? PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Well I gave ya another five. Whoever the quick-acting five star artist is, identify yourself.
  6. KontradictioN

    KontradictioN Do you even lift? PatsFans.com Supporter

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    No Jersey Selected

    Also, Florida played Tennessee this weekend, not Bethune-Cookman.
  7. manxman2601

    manxman2601 On the Roster

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    #24 Jersey

    Huh. Didn't know you could rate threads. Off to rate all the Manning - whining threads as 1 star.

    Might be a while.
  8. jmt57

    jmt57 Moderator Staff Member PatsFans.com Supporter

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    No, that was me.

    :spy:



    :focus:
  9. Gwedd

    Gwedd PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #61 Jersey

    I also gave it 5 stars. Nice little post.

    As with the Read Offense, it also looks like another college coach (I'm looking at YOU Chip Kelley) is finding out that there really IS a world of difference between even a top-shelf college football program and the NFL.

    You will pardon me if you've heard/seen that before. :D
  10. Deus Irae

    Deus Irae PatsFans.com Retired Jersey Club PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Disable Jersey

    [​IMG]
  11. Joker

    Joker PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    I've been a member of Ian Logue's Patsfans dot com since day 1....I STILL have no idea what or where these "stars" are or how to use them...I am pretty stupid obviously..:bricks:

    oh wait...just look up...I NEVER look up...OK...probably still won't use it...except this time
  12. IcyPatriot

    IcyPatriot ------------- PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #87 Jersey

    It was Matt Patricia ...
  13. shmessy

    shmessy Maude Staff Member PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #75 Jersey

    Great stuff as always, Zeus.

    I'm still LMAOing about #5 and fully agree about #6 - - how the hell does trying to pay off a drug tester merit only 2 more games on a drug test penalty????? That should at least be a season.
  14. Gwedd

    Gwedd PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #61 Jersey

    You know, I was pondering the concept of "The Choreographer" (a VERY apt name for Sayton) and thought of a way to throw him off his game.

    At some point, have the D-Line just stand there and mimic every motion he makes. Whatever wild gesticulation he does, wherever he points, have the Defense mimic him. Ought to drive him nuts, or at least get everyone watching to start laughing at him. :D
  15. Lurks_All_Day

    Lurks_All_Day Rookie

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    Clever you. :D

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  16. SB39

    SB39 On the Roster

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    Ya I saw that coming all summer long. I know ESPN thought the entire sports had been radically and permanently redefined by the read option, but it really will go down like the Wildcat, i.e. a nice wrinkle every once in a while but nothing to base 100% of your plays around.
  17. Zeus

    Zeus PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Sorry - Florida St.
  18. nabwong

    nabwong PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #12 Jersey

    This would be awesome. I nominate spikes. Also a chicken dance.
  19. mgcolby

    mgcolby Woohoo, I'm a VIP!!! PatsFans.com Supporter

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    I regret looking at this thread several times before opening....One of the best threads posted on here in a while and by far the best thread on the front page.

    Well done sir......Well done....
  20. Tunescribe

    Tunescribe PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #61 Jersey

    Zeus, you write colorfully for someone in the insurance business. I just hope that while on the job you speak with less verbosity/greater clarity of meaning. ;)

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