Welcome to PatsFans.com

This and That (Into the Homestretch ...)

Discussion in 'PatsFans.com - Patriots Fan Forum' started by Zeus, Dec 8, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Zeus

    Zeus PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2007
    Messages:
    1,230
    Likes Received:
    218
    Ratings:
    +613 / 2 / -0

    1. Fourth Quarter - A few years ago, I had occasion to work with a prominent NFL referee on a business deal. He told me that people around the league said that an NFL season contains four distinct levels of competition and intensity:

    • preseason
    • the first 12 regular season games,
    • the last four regular season games (with play-off spots and contracts at stake) and
    • the postseason
    Here comes Level 3 - the homestretch of the regular season. Plenty of good football ahead for the next month

    2. The Browns, Bengals and sad sack Colts will have a big say in determining the AFC play-off seedings. The Browns play the Steelers (twice) and the Ravens, while the Bengals play the Ravens and Texans, both of whom have bye weeks (i.e., games with the Colts) remaining. It's hard to hold out much hope for any outside help here for the Patriots. The Browns are - as ever - the Browns, the Bengals are fading fast and the Colts would be underdogs to Utah State in the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl (more on this later). Since the Colts are one of the few "football" teams in North America that is not NCAA bowl eligible, they will be spared this particular indignity (playing Utah State in the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, that is) .

    3. The debate rages on about just how bad the Patriots' defense is in 2011. Well, maybe it's not so much a debate but rather a prolonged episode of public group self-flagellation, a longstanding and curious affliction epidemic among sports fans here in New England. In an era where the NFL has in so many respects tied the hands of defensive players, the Patriot defense is, well, ordinary. But not the worst in the league. Not by a long shot.

    4. The Patriots' three losses in 2011 have been by a total of 15 points. Blame the defense if you like, but a closer look reveals that the losses were also (N.B. - I did say "also") the three worst offensive outings of the season. In any close loss, you can find a number plays that could have (or should have) been made in all three phases that might have made a difference. Win as a team, lose as a team.

    5. Big Sey - For the second time in his illustrious Raider career, Richard Seymour got himself tossed from a game. Does he get paid extra to be a role model for Ndamukong Suh? Wonder if we'll ever know the real story of how Ron Borges' favorite draft pick got himself exiled to Ron Borges' favorite team.

    6. Misery Loves Company - Meanwhile, after the Packers-Giants game on Sunday, I heard from friends in Milwaukee and they are scared to death of the Packers defense. Scared to death.

    Compare Giant QB Goober Manning vs. NE (20-39, 250 yards, 2 TDs, 1 int, QB rating 77.9) and vs. GB (23-40, 347 yards, 3 TDs, 1 int, QB rating 100.7). The Packer secondary looked hilariously inept trying to tackle Giant WR Travis Beckum at the end of his 67 yard TD reception on Sunday. Never saw that many matadors in one place at the same time before.

    Read more on the Packer defensive woes here: Green Bay Packers news | Can the defense turn it around by January? | Green Bay Press Gazette A lot of this will look familiar.

    6. My New Buddy - Fat Rex announced this week that former Colt offensive coordinator Tom Moore has been promoted from consultant to "mega-consultant." Not sure what this is supposed to mean, but it must do wonders for the confidence of beleaguered offensive coordinator Brian (son of Marty) Katzenjammer. Anyway, would you rather while away the hours at Taco Bell with: a mega-consultant or some clueless numbnuts offensive coordinator who is only in the league because of his (incompetent but nevertheless well-connected) father?

    7. Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, etc. - Look out: the College Bowl season is upon us. And God help us, every one. A veritable army of sportswriters, accountants, marketeers and computer geeks have used an impenetrable and sophisticated algorithm to assemble 70 (yes- 70!) of the finest NCAA football teams in existence to play 35 (yes - 35!) or so bowl games. For those of you who haven't been paying attention, this onslaught of pigskin mediocrity is conducted with the sole intent of preserving The Purity of Amateur Athletic Competition at Institutions of Higher Learning. It has nothing - I repeat NOTHING - to do with the fleecing of seemingly hundreds of gullible TV networks (ESPN 1 through infinity, and so forth) out of $millions. Nor is it an attempt to entice boozy school alums to relive their misspent youth by dressing up in their favorite bright green and yellow whale pants, traveling to faraway places they never dreamed of going (like Memphis and Boise) and spending their hard earned semi-disposable income in the local hotels, restaurants, bars and other generally disreputable establishments. This is the single most crass undertaking in all of sports. Nothing short of a brutal hangover (ed. note: this has been known to happen!) coupled with an inability to turn off the TV or change the channel would even remotely tempt me to watch any of it. Although I do confess a certain morbid curiosity about the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl. But just the half time show.

    8. Flex This - The College of Cardinals could elect a new Pope in less time than it took the NFL to decide when the Patriots-Broncos game would be played.

    9. What Are We Gonna Do with Pop? - Manning Inc. fiercely guards The Family Brand with great care. So it's fun to watch them frantically try to walk back the comments of Manning the Elder, who this week wandered far off the family property by weighing in on the impending incompatibility of son FiveHead and the Once-and-Future-QB-Wunderkind Andrew (Can't Believe My Dumb) Luck. Looks like FiveHead and Goober may have to tie up Pop and leave him in the barn with a sock in his mouth until he gets over the urge to go out and talk with folks.

    10. Cretin of the Week (Pseudo-Journalism Division) - Ever heard of Mike Dunphy? Well, me neither. He's the editor-in-chief of the new NFL Magazine who is responsible for the story in the inaugural edition proclaiming Fivehead to be the league MVP in 2011. Either this is a transparent and cynical ploy to draw attention to the fledgling publication or Mr. Dunphy isn't terribly bright (you decide which for yourself, but you cannot in good conscience subscribe or even look at this wretched rag.) By the way, had Manning played this year, the sad sack Colts would in all likelihood still be languishing below .500, comfortably out of play-off contention. Then Dunphy's great insight no doubt would have been how Manning was on the downside of his career.

    11. Mike Shanahan is one creepy dude, but he's given BB fits over the years. Let's hope the Patriots can take care of business in D.C. this weekend.
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2011
  2. ausbacker

    ausbacker Brady > Manning. PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2008
    Messages:
    13,814
    Likes Received:
    284
    Ratings:
    +899 / 14 / -5

    #51 Jersey

    I like you Zeus. I like you a lot.
     
  3. PatsWickedPissah

    PatsWickedPissah PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2005
    Messages:
    23,936
    Likes Received:
    745
    Ratings:
    +2,106 / 22 / -13

    Disable Jersey

    Perhaps a room is in order?
     
  4. fnordcircle

    fnordcircle brady plz PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2006
    Messages:
    3,714
    Likes Received:
    207
    Ratings:
    +560 / 14 / -19

    Really nice post. I'd drop the silly names (Fat Rex, Fivehead, etc) though. They're passe and really only serve to lower my perception of the quality of your writing. You're clearly gifted and smart enough to entertain without reducing yourself to written barbs that are better suited to youtube comments and poorly-punctuated twitter posts.

    Otherwise it was top notch stuff as worthy of print as anything I've read coming from a columnist.

    I think it's pretty transparent that the goal here was to garner interest not enlighten readers. And he accomplished that because every sports forum I go to has someone annoyed about that article. It's how Dan Shaugnessy made his career, that and inane books about curses.
     
  5. ausbacker

    ausbacker Brady > Manning. PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2008
    Messages:
    13,814
    Likes Received:
    284
    Ratings:
    +899 / 14 / -5

    #51 Jersey

    You need to laugh a little more fnordcircle.
     
  6. fnordcircle

    fnordcircle brady plz PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2006
    Messages:
    3,714
    Likes Received:
    207
    Ratings:
    +560 / 14 / -19

    My dad said the same thing to me after I endured Larry the Cable Guy with him.

    If not liking fart jokes and dumb football puns because I've heard them all a million times makes me a stick in the mud then I guess I'm a stick in the mud.

    To be honest the only reason I bothered is because I really respected his writing. The other 999999 times a day I read 'the New York RATS QB Mark SANCHEEZ and Ben RAPISTBURGER of the ****TSBURGH SQUEALERS' I don't bother saying anything.
     
  7. Elijah

    Elijah PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2010
    Messages:
    2,339
    Likes Received:
    47
    Ratings:
    +135 / 9 / -3

    #11 Jersey

    [​IMG]
     
  8. ausbacker

    ausbacker Brady > Manning. PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2008
    Messages:
    13,814
    Likes Received:
    284
    Ratings:
    +899 / 14 / -5

    #51 Jersey

    It's the intelligence of the writing that mocks the simplicity of a crass disposition.
     
  9. shmessy

    shmessy Maude Staff Member PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2004
    Messages:
    19,539
    Likes Received:
    658
    Ratings:
    +1,772 / 12 / -17

    #75 Jersey

    I like pie.
     
  10. Joker

    Joker PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2004
    Messages:
    17,765
    Likes Received:
    877
    Ratings:
    +2,588 / 20 / -26

    Zeus...print whatever appellation for the disgusting New Jerksey Rats and Wrecks DeBubbergutstertoesnifflian you see fit...you are, after all, an omnipotent deity....[​IMG]
     
  11. Tunescribe

    Tunescribe PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2004
    Messages:
    17,001
    Likes Received:
    521
    Ratings:
    +1,646 / 9 / -19

    #61 Jersey

    Agreed. Jabba Wrecks and Pay-Me-A-Ton are much more appropriate.
     
  12. The_Riddler

    The_Riddler 2nd Team Getting Their First Start

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2009
    Messages:
    1,526
    Likes Received:
    1
    Ratings:
    +3 / 1 / -2

    Zues, can I carry your bags sir?
     
  13. TB146

    TB146 On the Game Day Roster

    Joined:
    May 23, 2008
    Messages:
    474
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0 / 0 / -0

    Always a good read, Zeus.

    You're absolutely right about the losses having a lot to do with the Offense. If you look at the Pats Offense stats for the Bills game, there's nothing out of the ordinary in terms of yards/points. The big difference there was Brady's 4 INTs, including one pick-6. The Bills scored 34, but the Pats D only gave up 27 (above average, but not as much).

    Then there was the three-week stretch that I refer to as "The Funk" when the Offense couldn't score more than 20 points. It was good enough against Dallas, especially because the D only gave up 16 points, but I would say the losses to Pittsburgh and NYG had more to do with the Offense performing 10 points below average than the Defense giving up 3-4 points more than average.
     
  14. TB146

    TB146 On the Game Day Roster

    Joined:
    May 23, 2008
    Messages:
    474
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0 / 0 / -0

    I've never put a picture up before... let's see if this works.

    Cool. It worked.
    On your left you have the Pats Defensive stats week by week (bye skipped).
    On your right, the Pats Offensive stats.
    In both, the blue line is yards per game (read on the left y-axis), and the red is points
    per game (read on the right y-axis).

    I have adjusted the points per game by not counting things like safeties and pick-6s
    against the defense as they weren't on the field when those points were scored.

    "The Funk" is easily seen in the middle of the Offensive ppg line where they scored well
    below their usual 30-or-so points.
     

    Attached Files:

    Last edited: Dec 9, 2011
  15. BlueThunder

    BlueThunder PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2009
    Messages:
    3,220
    Likes Received:
    26
    Ratings:
    +89 / 0 / -1

    #24 Jersey

    Nice writing Z...

    Written in the mold of JohhnyConquer aka Patsox23..

    Are you two related?
     
  16. Armchair Quarterback

    Armchair Quarterback In the Starting Line-Up

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2009
    Messages:
    2,726
    Likes Received:
    37
    Ratings:
    +158 / 4 / -3

    #37 Jersey

    They call Sanchez Sancheez because he likes cheese and they call Rothlisberger Rapistburger because he likes to......... well, you know.

    These messageboard things are voluntary you know. If your delicate sensibilities are so offended by the average football fan than maybe you should join a book club or some such ****.
     
  17. Off The Grid

    Off The Grid Experienced Starter w/First Big Contract

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2010
    Messages:
    6,704
    Likes Received:
    138
    Ratings:
    +305 / 5 / -0

    #3 Jersey

    I don't care WHAT it says about my IQ...

    "RapistBurger" STILL gets a cackle out'f me!! :D
     
  18. PatsWickedPissah

    PatsWickedPissah PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2005
    Messages:
    23,936
    Likes Received:
    745
    Ratings:
    +2,106 / 22 / -13

    Disable Jersey

    Guys are getting your panties all in a twist over constructive criticism.
    Love Zeus' columns. I can do without the goofy names that don't seem as clever and humorous as the rest of the excellent quality of his posts. But were they to stay it's fine with me.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2011
  19. Zeus

    Zeus PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2007
    Messages:
    1,230
    Likes Received:
    218
    Ratings:
    +613 / 2 / -0

    Hey -

    Thanks to all who took the time to read this. Please feel free to make suggestions - I very much appreciate the constructive criticism.
     
  20. Zeus

    Zeus PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2007
    Messages:
    1,230
    Likes Received:
    218
    Ratings:
    +613 / 2 / -0

    I appreciate the input. Not sure I can drop Fat Rex - I've been calling him that for so long that I'm not sure I even remember his real name anymore. With a fresh read this morning, the FiveHead stuff does seem a bit forced.

    Mostly, I wanted to thank you for taking the time to read it and to make the thoughtful suggestions. I'm not a writer and haven't written anything other than business correspondence since high school (a very long time ago). I'm finding this to be fun and hope to make it better over time.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2011
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

unset ($sidebar_block_show); ?>