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The Mental Health Hotline...

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  1. DarrylS

    DarrylS PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Mental Health Hotline

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    Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline:

    If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

    If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

    If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

    If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

    If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

    If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

    If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press - no one will answer.

    If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

    If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on line.

    If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

    If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

    If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

    If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you
    __________________
     

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