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The five stages of grief

Discussion in 'PatsFans.com - Patriots Fan Forum' started by neuronet, Feb 5, 2008.

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  1. neuronet

    neuronet In the Starting Line-Up

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    #87 Jersey

    This is simplistic, but we are all grieving right now. Nobody important died, but a little piece of the child in me died last night, the part that believes in Santa, that believed all season we would win the Super Bowl, a belief that became a kernel of my personality this year that was snuffed out abruptly like a flame.

    Anyway, for what it's worth, here is a good article on the five stages of grief. I know this may seem melodramatic to some, but I am really hurting right now and it helped me a little bit. It is amazing how these strategies for addressing the loss of a person can actually apply to the loss of a silly game!!!

    From:
    http://mt.essortment.com/stagesofgri_rvkg.htm

    Grief is a somewhat commplicated and misunderstood emotion. Yet, grief is something that, unfortunately, we must all experience at some time or other. We will all inevitably experience loss. Whether it is a loss through [sports], death, divorce or some other loss, the stages of grieving are the same.

    There are five stages of grief. If we get stuck in one stage or the other, the process of grieving is not complete, and cannot be complete. Thus there will be no healing. A person MUST go through the five stages to be well again, to heal. Not everyone goes through the stages at the same time. It is different for each person. You cannot force a person through the stages, they have to go at their own pace, and you may go one step forward then take two steps backward, but this is all part of the process, and individual to each person. But, as stressed, ALL five stages must be completed for healing to occur.

    The five stages of grief are:

    1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familia places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.

    2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.

    3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.

    4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.

    5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.

    Get help. You will survive. You will heal, even if you cannot believe that now, just know that it is true. To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive, human. But we can't stop living. We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day being healed and finding love and/or happiness again. Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to fascilitate our healing and bring good out of something tragic.
     
  2. eom

    eom In the Starting Line-Up

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    I think I'm stage 4.

    I have stage 5 scheduled for september.
     
  3. WIPatriots

    WIPatriots Rookie

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    I did this bargaining BEFORE the game: "Dear Lord, I will accept the Clintons as the Democratic nominee if you just allow the Patriots to win the Super Bowl."

    Now I might be doubly screwed.
     
  4. patsfan55

    patsfan55 In the Starting Line-Up

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    i think im teetering between denial and depression
     
  5. patsfan55

    patsfan55 In the Starting Line-Up

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    as i got home from work tonight i actually went for a little walk to try and get myself to break down or get outta my numb feeling...didnt work
     
  6. neuronet

    neuronet In the Starting Line-Up

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    I'm teetering between denial, as evidenced in my 'Please tell me this is just a nightmare and I'm going to wake up and it's game day':
    http://www.patsfans.com/new-england-patriots/messageboard/showthread.php?t=77170

    and depression. The depression is the worst stage. With depression, it feels like there is no way out, that it will never end, that there is nothing you can do to iimprove the situation, that this is a permanent black mark on my psyche that will never heal.

    Most of my anger came out during the game last night. We were all so pissed about the offensive play.....that energy is spent....

    I wonder if psychologists will have a boost in attendance in the coming weeks in New England....
     
  7. Satchboogie3

    Satchboogie3 In the Starting Line-Up

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    Yeah, I'm both in denial and depression. I don't see #5 happening until we have another Tuesday Parade in February.
     
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2008
  8. patsfan55

    patsfan55 In the Starting Line-Up

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    feel ya brother
    honestly the only way i can get to stage five in regards to this chapter of my life is if we do have a perfect season
    and seriously, that will probably never happen
    unless of course we sign asante, sign randy, bru, seau, and rodney come back, we get a few stud dbs and lbs in the draft, and we remain healthy all of next yr
    other than that, yeah prob not gonna happen
     
  9. neuronet

    neuronet In the Starting Line-Up

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    #87 Jersey


    If Hilary has a sweep tomorrow I will need to be put on suicide watch. :bricks:
     
  10. Satchboogie3

    Satchboogie3 In the Starting Line-Up

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    I didn't go to be last night after the game and here I am up at 1 am and I have a 9:00am class. I'm stuck in this almost zombie state right now, I just want to close my eyes and wake up.
     
  11. patsfan55

    patsfan55 In the Starting Line-Up

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    i went to bed at 230 last night
    still up at 1
    have work in the morning at 9 (takes an hour to get in to work)
    yeah, this sucks
     
  12. neuronet

    neuronet In the Starting Line-Up

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    Wouldn't it be sweet if this were all a dream?

    I would help the Pats cheat at this point. If I had a time machine and I could show BB just how poorly their offense was going to play, I would gladly show him the tapes.

    Denial. It is so nice. I think I'll stay in it for a while......ahhh, that's the stuff....
     
  13. Satchboogie3

    Satchboogie3 In the Starting Line-Up

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    Well, I did actually dream Saturday night that the Pats lost. Maybe this could just be another... please...
     
  14. patsfan55

    patsfan55 In the Starting Line-Up

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  15. neuronet

    neuronet In the Starting Line-Up

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  16. TomBradyno1fan

    TomBradyno1fan Rookie

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    I'm in the anger stage. God I hate the giants.
     
  17. NEP-tune

    NEP-tune On the Roster

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    Oh my.. I didn't think this week could get any worse. Now I'm doubly depressed!! That would take me to the very edge of stage 4.
     
  18. Steamer86

    Steamer86 On the Game Day Roster

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    Why did Belichick wear that red sweatshirt???? Why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  19. JohnAdams

    JohnAdams Rookie

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    I certainly hope none of youinz work for the postal service....

    [​IMG]
     
  20. justinb

    justinb Practice Squad Player

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    there is a stage 6: REDEMPTION
     
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