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The five stages of grief

Discussion in 'PatsFans.com - Patriots Fan Forum' started by neuronet, Feb 5, 2008.

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  1. neuronet

    neuronet Rookie

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    #87 Jersey

    This is simplistic, but we are all grieving right now. Nobody important died, but a little piece of the child in me died last night, the part that believes in Santa, that believed all season we would win the Super Bowl, a belief that became a kernel of my personality this year that was snuffed out abruptly like a flame.

    Anyway, for what it's worth, here is a good article on the five stages of grief. I know this may seem melodramatic to some, but I am really hurting right now and it helped me a little bit. It is amazing how these strategies for addressing the loss of a person can actually apply to the loss of a silly game!!!

    From:
    http://mt.essortment.com/stagesofgri_rvkg.htm

    Grief is a somewhat commplicated and misunderstood emotion. Yet, grief is something that, unfortunately, we must all experience at some time or other. We will all inevitably experience loss. Whether it is a loss through [sports], death, divorce or some other loss, the stages of grieving are the same.

    There are five stages of grief. If we get stuck in one stage or the other, the process of grieving is not complete, and cannot be complete. Thus there will be no healing. A person MUST go through the five stages to be well again, to heal. Not everyone goes through the stages at the same time. It is different for each person. You cannot force a person through the stages, they have to go at their own pace, and you may go one step forward then take two steps backward, but this is all part of the process, and individual to each person. But, as stressed, ALL five stages must be completed for healing to occur.

    The five stages of grief are:

    1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familia places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.

    2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.

    3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.

    4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.

    5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.

    Get help. You will survive. You will heal, even if you cannot believe that now, just know that it is true. To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive, human. But we can't stop living. We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day being healed and finding love and/or happiness again. Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to fascilitate our healing and bring good out of something tragic.
  2. eom

    eom Rookie

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    I think I'm stage 4.

    I have stage 5 scheduled for september.
  3. WIPatriots

    WIPatriots Rookie

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    I did this bargaining BEFORE the game: "Dear Lord, I will accept the Clintons as the Democratic nominee if you just allow the Patriots to win the Super Bowl."

    Now I might be doubly screwed.
  4. patsfan55

    patsfan55 Rookie

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    i think im teetering between denial and depression
  5. patsfan55

    patsfan55 Rookie

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    as i got home from work tonight i actually went for a little walk to try and get myself to break down or get outta my numb feeling...didnt work
  6. neuronet

    neuronet Rookie

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    #87 Jersey

    I'm teetering between denial, as evidenced in my 'Please tell me this is just a nightmare and I'm going to wake up and it's game day':
    http://www.patsfans.com/new-england-patriots/messageboard/showthread.php?t=77170

    and depression. The depression is the worst stage. With depression, it feels like there is no way out, that it will never end, that there is nothing you can do to iimprove the situation, that this is a permanent black mark on my psyche that will never heal.

    Most of my anger came out during the game last night. We were all so pissed about the offensive play.....that energy is spent....

    I wonder if psychologists will have a boost in attendance in the coming weeks in New England....
  7. Satchboogie3

    Satchboogie3 Rookie

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    Yeah, I'm both in denial and depression. I don't see #5 happening until we have another Tuesday Parade in February.
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2008
  8. patsfan55

    patsfan55 Rookie

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    feel ya brother
    honestly the only way i can get to stage five in regards to this chapter of my life is if we do have a perfect season
    and seriously, that will probably never happen
    unless of course we sign asante, sign randy, bru, seau, and rodney come back, we get a few stud dbs and lbs in the draft, and we remain healthy all of next yr
    other than that, yeah prob not gonna happen
  9. neuronet

    neuronet Rookie

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    #87 Jersey


    If Hilary has a sweep tomorrow I will need to be put on suicide watch. :bricks:
  10. Satchboogie3

    Satchboogie3 Rookie

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    I didn't go to be last night after the game and here I am up at 1 am and I have a 9:00am class. I'm stuck in this almost zombie state right now, I just want to close my eyes and wake up.
  11. patsfan55

    patsfan55 Rookie

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    i went to bed at 230 last night
    still up at 1
    have work in the morning at 9 (takes an hour to get in to work)
    yeah, this sucks
  12. neuronet

    neuronet Rookie

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    #87 Jersey

    Wouldn't it be sweet if this were all a dream?

    I would help the Pats cheat at this point. If I had a time machine and I could show BB just how poorly their offense was going to play, I would gladly show him the tapes.

    Denial. It is so nice. I think I'll stay in it for a while......ahhh, that's the stuff....
  13. Satchboogie3

    Satchboogie3 Rookie

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    Well, I did actually dream Saturday night that the Pats lost. Maybe this could just be another... please...
  14. patsfan55

    patsfan55 Rookie

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  15. neuronet

    neuronet Rookie

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    #87 Jersey

  16. TomBradyno1fan

    TomBradyno1fan Rookie

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    I'm in the anger stage. God I hate the giants.
  17. NEP-tune

    NEP-tune Rookie

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    Oh my.. I didn't think this week could get any worse. Now I'm doubly depressed!! That would take me to the very edge of stage 4.
  18. Steamer86

    Steamer86 Rookie

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    Why did Belichick wear that red sweatshirt???? Why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  19. JohnAdams

    JohnAdams Rookie

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    I certainly hope none of youinz work for the postal service....

    [​IMG]
  20. justinb

    justinb Rookie

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    there is a stage 6: REDEMPTION
  21. cblesz

    cblesz Rookie

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    HA HA HA HA!!!! I am laughing out loud....because I generally do the same sort of thing. Brilliant, just brilliant....


    Still laughing.....:) :) :)
  22. bob85ne

    bob85ne Rookie

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    It was around 3:15 - 3:30 am when the game finished in th UK and I went through the first 2 denial & anger very quickly, bargaining doesn't really apply. Depression as a such was monday morning and afternoon vowing never to go near any NFL stuff until April. By the evening Acceptance as I was listening to WEEI online knowing that no one has died etc.

    Still hurts like heck though.
  23. aluminum seats

    aluminum seats Rookie

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    For anyone who's not a sports fan, I'm sure this idea/thread seems melodramatic, but it's really not. There is a grieving that goes on. The best thing for it is time, really. And another couple super bowls.
  24. primetime

    primetime Rookie

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    To be honest, this is exactly what happened. I think I'm in the acceptance phase now, but I still have denial and depression going on a bit. Oh well, only entertainment.
  25. pheenix11

    pheenix11 Rookie

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    I'm on the "WTF couldn't Samuel have held onto that INT" stage
  26. Bella*chick

    Bella*chick Addicted to the light

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    The thing about those stages is they can happen out of order AND they can recur. I took a class on this once.

    I'm in denial, just trying to pretend nothing happened. But there's anger & bargaining bits in there too. The anger is nothing new, I've been feeling it all season for different reasons.
  27. Halifax_Pats_Fan

    Halifax_Pats_Fan Rookie

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    Hey gang, first time on since the loss.

    Jesus what a game, we had our chances.

    Samuel, Meriweather, Hobbs missing potential picks, Eli escape, pass on the field goal, when it was 4th and 12, I was yelling my lungs out at the tv on that one, I honestly knew it was gonna come back and haunt us.

    Brady had next to no time back there Sunday and you have to credit the Giant's D. They came up huge, combined with the O-line coming up lackluster.

    Why couldn't Rodney have just batted that ball out, it was soooo close.

    I felt sick to my stomach Sunday night, all day yesterday and when I think about the chances we had to end the game, man, it sucks.

    Now, we have to think about going forward. I think what happened Sunday was the exception and not the rule. Although I would be open on suggestions on how to potentially improve that O line, if we even have to.

    Without time, Brady is not Brady, same holds true for Welker and Moss.

    I like seeing Welker in our uniform and I hope he is with us for a long time.

    I dunno, it's a bad feeling to have so much emotional investment into a team when it losses by 3 on a perfect season.

    Man.

    There is next year though, it is a great time to be a Patriots fan lately.

    As sick as I am I am glad we have what we have. We'll bounce back, the sun will rise again, and we will live to fight another day!!

    :)
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2008
  28. Tommysgirl

    Tommysgirl Rookie

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    Where is "excessively drinking to stop the pain"? Is that not a stage?
  29. Satchboogie3

    Satchboogie3 Rookie

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    I can't see passed denial and depression.
  30. roman_maroney

    roman_maroney Rookie

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    I'm having a hard time with it. Having not seen one sports page, sports website (other than here), or sports TV and radio since sunday afternoon, I believed has helped soften the initial blow, but in turn made the state of denial drag out. Sooner or later I will have to get used to the fact that that Tyree catch is part of Super Bowl folklore, and like "the catch" and vinatieri's field goal, and images of Vince Lombardi parading snowy sidelines, we will be seeing it as long as we are watching sports. Ugh. Sometime soon, I'm gonna have to pick myself back up and dust off. Sunday was a battle in a war that has not yet been won, and there are many battles left to fight.
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