So, you want to coach the Patriots?

[dryheat44]

Use this handy template during your Wednesday press conference, and you'll be on your way:

"We’re on to {next opponent} and as usual the {next opponent} look pretty good. Pretty strong in every area of the game, playing real good {offense, defense, or special teams, whichever is the next opponent's greatest strength}. {random fact corroborating that unit's dominance}. They have a lot of good players there. Of course, {Two or three dominant players on opponent}, I don’t think anybody plays their position any better than those guys do. They’re strong all the way across the board. As usual, they have a good {running/passing/kicking/returning} game, with a couple of {runners/receivers/special teamers, followed by their names}. Both of them made a lot of big plays. Good {another one of runners/receivers/kickers/returners}, can throw the ball, good tight ends, good special teams. They’re a very fast team, they have a lot of team speed. They blitz well. They pursue well, both on defense and in the kicking game, and you all know how I feel about {name of opposing head coach, unless it's "Eric Mangini"}, they’re well coached, they have a good football team. They’ve done a pretty good job against us, {mention past losses or close wins against team here, if applicable}and we’re going to have to play better, coach better and do a better job if we want to be competitive with them. {random stat proving how good the opposing team is}. We’re going to have to play to that level. When we don’t, we know what that looks like, too. Big week for us.”

 

[mgcolby]

BB is that you?

 

[oldskool138]

Exactly!!! That's why I rarely listen to pre/post game interviews. Great post!

 

[Tunescribe]

BB is that you?

He is who he is. Really and truly, I've never seen someone take "saying nothing" to a higher art form than BB. Not even politicians. His press conference after the Jets game was totally meaningless. He might as well just say the words "vacuous generalities" and "generic phraseology," and leave it at that.

 

[PatsWickedPissah]

Postgame:
How did insert player's name perform on insert such & such play?
BB "I'll have to look at the game tape"

What about the ref's call on insert controversial play ?
BB: "We can only control the things we can control".
(Also a handy BB response for any queries regarding schedule, field conditions, weather...)

BB: Numerous random burps and belches

How's insert player's name doing after he was carried off the field in a stretcher to a waiting ambulance?

BB: "Hurt his leg. Next question?"

Follow up on player's health question

BB: "I'm not a doctor. He's day to day."

BB: Even more belches, burps and overt manifestations of serious stomach and intestinal gas eruption.

Insert generic question...

BB generic response "It is what it is."

 

[Joe_n99]

ALMOST PERFECT! lol

You just forgot this part:

"Obviously, we STILL need to work on a few things. I think you saw Sunday against (mention last opponent here) we didn't perform/execute on (pick one of the following - special teams, in pursuit/tackling, offense, defense, line of scrimmage, etc.). I think we did some things well, (choose from one and ONLY on of the following per week that you didn't also choose above - PR, KR, Coverage Teams, getting open, opening holes, controlling the line.) That's not to say we don't need to improve and continue to work on those areas, just that we saw some improvement."

If reporter asks questions you don't want to answer reply with:
"(Pick player, coach, group OL, DL, LB's, etc, or opponent at random) is working hard and I think we are seeing the results of that on the field."

 

[mgcolby]

He is who he is.

That was good.

 

[mtbykr]

Wow, I didn't know BB posted our board!

 

[letekro]

Well done as usual DH.

 

[brady et al fan]

and he's like this in any situation. When he's on EEI he has a little more personality (I'd like to see facial expression when Smerlas goes off on some of his typical homerism) but he never says anything.

I really think he has complete disdain for this part of his job and he gives only the bare minimum that is required of him. I love him as a coach and wouldn't trade him for anyone but I do miss Parcells "that was a dumb ***** question" style at press conferences.