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Religious Humor...

Discussion in 'Religion and Lighthearted Discussion' started by jct, Sep 10, 2007.

  1. jct

    jct Rookie

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    Peyton Manning died and went to the Pearly gates.
    St Peter led him to a lovely cottage with a colts flag on it on a lake.
    How ever Peyton looked across the Lake and saw a Mansion covered by
    Patriots flags.
    So peyton complained to St peter that he always knew that God liked Tom Brady better.
    But Peyton thats not Tom's house....thats God's House.

    There is also the one about God having local dialing in Boston...
  2. fleabassist1

    fleabassist1 Rookie

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    #12 Jersey


    Haha... that's actually pretty good.:singing: :singing:
  3. Harry Boy

    Harry Boy Look Up, It's Amazing PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Gods Phone Number---1 800 000 0000
  4. Fencer

    Fencer Rookie

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    A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.

    The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00."

    The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

    The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and spend only $150.00?"

    The man replied, "A man died here 2000 years ago, was buried here,and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
  5. PatsFanInVa

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    Ha, good one Fencer. Okay...

    A guy and his wife retire at 65, and for ten years, from retirement onward, the wife makes them eat nothing but healthy foods, go to the doctor regularly, and exercise for 1 hour a day. It's grueling, but they're doing pretty well... until, at 75, they get hit by a bus, and go to heaven.

    Welcome, says St. Peter. This is your house.

    The man and his wife look around, and they're in a beatiful mansion with a hot tub in every room, all their favorite movies on DVD, heck, even a Patriots home-theater done in team colors.

    "Fine. But what's it cost?" the guy says.

    St. Peter says "Why there's no money here. It's all free of course. And er, you might want to look out the breakfast nook window."

    The guy goes to the breakfast nook, and sure enough, out the back window he realizes that he lives 10 yards away from a championship golf course, with the greenest, best-kept fairways he'd ever seen, and not another soul out there.

    "Fine," the guy says, "but what are the green fees?"

    "Oh there are none," St. Peter says. "This is your reward for being such great people on Earth."

    The guy is dumbfounded. Can hardly talk.

    "Maybe we should walk over to the buffet and have something to eat and some coffee," St. Peter suggests. And there in the next room is the most sumptuous collection of cholestral laden, starchy, greasy, sugary foods he had ever seen, along with some of the greatest coffee he'd ever smelled.

    The guy's wife pipes up.

    "But how bad is this stuff for you?"

    St. Peter says "There's no such thing as calories, you won't get fat, you won't feel weighed down, and your heart can't go out because you're already dead. I TOLD you, there's no catch! This is HEAVEN!"

    At which the guy turns to his wife and says,

    "You and your fuggin BRAN MUFFINS. We coulda been here ten years ago."
  6. PaPZ187

    PaPZ187 Rookie

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    LMAO now thats a good one!
  7. PaPZ187

    PaPZ187 Rookie

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    OK, I will throw one out there.....

    A young couple who just got engaged died in a car accident.

    When they both went to the gates of heaven they asked St Peter before entering "St Peter, we want to get married, before we enter is it possible to get married in Heaven?"

    St Peter replied "Thats a good question, wait here, I will have to find out..." St Peter leaves them at the gate and returns about a week later.

    St Peter says "OK, it took me a little while but I found an answer, Yes you can get married in Heaven" The young couple replies "St Peter, heaven is for eternity, what if we get married then later down the line things dont work out, can we get divorced?"

    Worn out, St Peter looks at the couple and replies "It took me a week to find a Priest in heaven, do you know how long its gonna take to find a lawyer in heaven, nevermind two of them?"
  8. Interception

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    :D
    :singing:
    :rofl:
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  10. IcyPatriot

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  11. The Brandon Five

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  12. PatsFanInVa

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  13. TBradyOwnsYou

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    Why is wireless not allowed in churches?

    Because they don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works. :)

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