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Discussion in 'The PatsFans.com Pub' started by PatsFanInVa, Dec 29, 2007.

  1. PatsFanInVa

    PatsFanInVa PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Come one, come all, to the Angry Rant thread.

    In this thread it's generally assumed we're all a bunch of dumbasses with too much time on our hands, taking a moment out between spates of roid rage, dementia, and/or unhappy online relationships formed in an enchanted forest in world of warcraft or some such ****, and that although we can talk politics or religion all day to exorcize our demons, in reality we just want to take a great big steaming crap on somebody or something else, because basically we believe deep down -- you guessed it -- that everybody and everything sucks.

    Now before I get started I want to warn the religious wing-nuts that I don't want God in the thread, which of course will result in said religious wing-nuts putting God in the thread. I don't want any polly purebread sweetness and light look on the bright side bull**** either, just pure unadulterated humorous crankiness. I don't care if you spend your days belching rainbows and crapping chocolate chip cookies and everything comes out right in your world. In this thread, pretend it doesn't... I want festering oozing negativity, the kind you get when you buy a supposed Patriots ticket on stubhub and it turns out to be for a bullfight or a soccer game, or you order a whopper only instead of the meat patty they've given you the bottom of another bun.

    My theory is we all have far too much of this bile and we can just dump it all in one place, even though it's possible this bile will just feed on itself, reach critical mass, and send us spiraling down into a black hole of dissatisfaction and resentment reminiscent of the feeling a young republican gets when he's trying to stick to his dogma but for some unfathomable reason has decided to also attend spring break.

    Try to be interesting and ping things of actual consequence rather than people who speak another language, cook another food, worship another God, write backwards, top to bottom, diagonally, or not at all, or wear unbecoming headwear or facial hair in violation of the laws of God and nature. Just a suggestion. You can really get in touch with your inner hater if you eschew the easy stuff like tribalism.

    Speaking of which, tribalism pisses me off. You hate them, they hate you. One trick pony. How can this possibly be interesting as a way to hate? And it's not like we don't all know this, so why the hell can't we just knock it off, so well intentioned researchers can stop dividing up classes of elementary school students by brown eyes and green eyes and encouraging them to cordon off the other group with barbed wire, pelt them with rotting vegetable, and perform demeaning rituals such as spit polishing their desktops? We GET it already, we all hate each other, man's inhumanity to man, yadda yadda yadda. Why can't the bigots of the world also GET it, because it's a ******* bore if you already DO get it, to have to keep explaining it over and over to a select group of knuckle dragging, mouth breathing, sloped-browed neanderthals who, were they not busy dragging people who are different from pickup trucks, would be looking forlornly over the horizon and grunting "who are these homo sapiens, and what do they want with us?"

    Of course hating without tribalism is like a day without sunshine, and that's like 24 hours anywhere in the vicinity of Dolly Parton's breasts, which were a fantastic natural phenomenon, until she passed out of the realm of the "well maybe if I were drunk" older MILF, and into the realm of the "no way in heaven hell or earth" GILFT, with that G standing for great-grandmother and the T standing for Theoretically. And that rhymes with P and that stands for Pool.

    As in football pool, as in, always won by some damn twit who hasn't watched a game of freaking football in his life, who makes excited girly gestures the next day in the office when collecting his 88.50, and proceeds to explain his method of square picking even though numbers aren't assigned to the squares until after you sign up, and has somehow convinced himself that the pool is a skill exercise, and that he has somehow accurately predicted the injury of a quarterback, the bad weather in Cleveland, and the resurgence of three crap teams who have never done anything before or since, just because he cleaned up on random digit assignments.

    I hate that guy. I truly do. I also hate bills, whether they be electric bills, cable bills, phone bills, Senate bills, House bills, the Buffalo Bills, or Bill Cosby. Nothing called "bill" has ever been remotely good in my experience and if I were you guys named Bill I'd change it to Will or William. Nobody hates Will Smith. Know why? Well for one thing he always kicks alien ass in a movie coming out July 4th of any given year, but also because he's not named Bill.

    Politics? Politics? are you farkin KIDDING me? Of course I hate politics, and politicians, and of course the very fact that I have to share power with the 300 million mental midgets of this country, and mortals in general. How the hell am I supposed to pick between the various douchebags running for anything when they spend half their time attempting to look experienced and the other half trying to paint themselves as outsiders? Oh I have my picks, I always do. But the lot of 'em make me crazy. These guys aren't anything but the student government wonks all grown up in big-boy suits with -- just for Harry -- nice haircuts.

    I mean, I really would like a suit or two more and nicer haircuts myself, because in my town that makes people believe you're powerful, and that makes people act like they give a **** pretty much anywhere you go. I've tried the experiment numerous times, even sometimes when I don't have a job interview or a funeral to attend. Oh yeah people want to sit next to you on the subway when you're in a suit, and nothing with six legs is crawling through your beard trying to get that last sesame seed from your bagel. Screw 'em I say. A lice infestation is just a way of knowing you'll never be alone, and a beard is nature's takehome bag.

    Right well, I'm out of negativity myself, just for a moment. I'll have to recharge my batteries and come back.

    I really hope some of you nasty malformed degenerate evolutionary cul-de-sacs decide to join me here for a good hateful rant... that's it, just let it all out.

    PFnV
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2007
  2. Mike the Brit

    Mike the Brit Minuteman Target PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Disable Jersey

    Sitting in a bar in a French ski resort full of young kids with big smiles on their faces, a vin chaud in front of me. Dammit! I'm all out of negativity too...
  3. PatsFanInVa

    PatsFanInVa PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Maybe I shouldn't have been so hard on tribalism, what with a Brit in France and everything.
  4. reflexblue

    reflexblue PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #91 Jersey

    Are you done? Right now I can't get into all the negativity because I'm trying to find a way to make a fvcking antena for my fvcking tv thats cable ready. That way I can watch the Fvcking Pats game at work. Work why should I have to work on a Saterday night ? I don't but I would feel guilty if I called in sick and besides I have to pay my fvcking cable bill so I can watch the Pats when I'm not working.Besides if I didn't go other people won't be able to watch the game 'cause they wouldn't have any power. And this spell check thing is driving me nuts theres red all over the screen of this piece of sh!t Mac computer I hate Mac's. Anyway the antena thing isn't going to work out. So I'm going to have to listen to history instead of watching it. And then theres the pizza I'm going to order, so I can eat and watch the radio at the same time. Everybody else will be doing the same thing. Not only will it be late,and cold but under cooked and so greasy if you stuck a wick in it you could use it for a candle. Theres just to many fvcking people in the world now. Anyway I have to get ready to leave and miss the game. peace love what ever.
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2007
  5. PatsFanInVa

    PatsFanInVa PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Holy CRAP that sucks Reflex! Remember when you come back "Did you see that game?" can be answered a little less than literally. Dude you're going to be the ONLY MAN IN AMERICA that misses this game! People are going to tell their grandchildren "I remember when the Pats beat the Giants I was at..." And then they won't be able to believe they saw what they just saw and insist that there was a second quarterback throwing touchdowns from a grassy knoll. Eh well. Enjoy!

    PFnV

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