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Before we start: New York draft fans were heard, on separate occasions, booing Peyton Hillis when he thanked God and Jesus, and booing U.S. troops during a schmaltzy and strange patriotic interlude. Now, you can think what you want about such draft-unrelated theatrics, especially on the part of a Commish who might be in the midst of killing the goose that laid the golden egg, but damn. I’m Jewish, and I don’t boo Jesus. The emotional moment between Goodell and his opponent in litigation added drama this year at the outset, which both will look on with something less than fondness when the latter breaks a hand in a meaningless game in week 17. Everybody reached for any quarterback they could think of, marking this as the best quarterback draft since Tim Couch and Akili Smith came out. Minnesota’s choice of Christian Ponder at 12 will prompt Brett Favre to announce a press event around mid-summer announcing his return from retirement, and the realization by everybody else that he won’t go away until Aaron Rogers retires and he can get his old spot back in Green Bay. But we’re Pats Fans, so without further ado, let’s start the 2011 Pats draft recap. Warning: this annual exercise contains humor. I do not literally believe that Bill Belichick wants tackles to play basketball. Farking idiots.
Rd 1 Pick 17: Sebastian Vollmer again. I mean Nate Solder. OT, Colorado. Bill Belichick continues his quest to form a semi-pro basketball team composed completely of offensive tackles. If low man wins, we’re fugged. On the other hand, Vollmer has pioneered the “fallcake” technique, and BB might just be onto something once again. In any event, The Gingerbeard Man’s days in New England are clearly over, unless they’re not. Mike Mayock says Solder’s got great feat and a ridiculously high ceiling, but he’s underpowered. 6’8” and 319 pounds worth of underpowered. I want Mayock to tell him that to his face. Well hopefully we can get Andre the Giant here into the weight room and fix what ails him. If all goes well Tommy Boy will be protected even if we play the Isingard Ents some time in the future. If all does not go well, we now have two white guys that can dunk. But I wanted an edge rusher and I know better than Bill Belichick what this team needs. Pats Draftnik Draft Grade: C-
Edit: One positive note from the Solder thread: cf Solder's response to the first question to Conan's:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7e4YkLkF_0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIASl61N5HU
Rd 1 Pick 28: The Draft Tweet of the Day. Say what you want about the value received (pick 56 in 2011, Saints’ first-rounder in 2012,) we got a great tweet out of Reggie Bush when the Saints traded up to pick Mark Ingram. “It’s been fun, New Orleans,” Bush tweeted, or words to that effect. Chris Ivory’s still green enough to just go “damn” and stare at the TV in his rec room in disbelief. Projected hilarious ironic outcome: Bush becomes instant locker room cancer for mistweeting the situation, ends up shunned by every NFL team, does 3-year reputation rehab stint in Foxboro for $3.50. Okay, I can dream.
To be continued...
Rd 1 Pick 17: Sebastian Vollmer again. I mean Nate Solder. OT, Colorado. Bill Belichick continues his quest to form a semi-pro basketball team composed completely of offensive tackles. If low man wins, we’re fugged. On the other hand, Vollmer has pioneered the “fallcake” technique, and BB might just be onto something once again. In any event, The Gingerbeard Man’s days in New England are clearly over, unless they’re not. Mike Mayock says Solder’s got great feat and a ridiculously high ceiling, but he’s underpowered. 6’8” and 319 pounds worth of underpowered. I want Mayock to tell him that to his face. Well hopefully we can get Andre the Giant here into the weight room and fix what ails him. If all goes well Tommy Boy will be protected even if we play the Isingard Ents some time in the future. If all does not go well, we now have two white guys that can dunk. But I wanted an edge rusher and I know better than Bill Belichick what this team needs. Pats Draftnik Draft Grade: C-
Edit: One positive note from the Solder thread: cf Solder's response to the first question to Conan's:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7e4YkLkF_0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIASl61N5HU
Rd 1 Pick 28: The Draft Tweet of the Day. Say what you want about the value received (pick 56 in 2011, Saints’ first-rounder in 2012,) we got a great tweet out of Reggie Bush when the Saints traded up to pick Mark Ingram. “It’s been fun, New Orleans,” Bush tweeted, or words to that effect. Chris Ivory’s still green enough to just go “damn” and stare at the TV in his rec room in disbelief. Projected hilarious ironic outcome: Bush becomes instant locker room cancer for mistweeting the situation, ends up shunned by every NFL team, does 3-year reputation rehab stint in Foxboro for $3.50. Okay, I can dream.
To be continued...
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