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Patriots Stunned... (satire)

Discussion in 'PatsFans.com - Patriots Fan Forum' started by Patriot_in_NY, Oct 11, 2007.

  1. Patriot_in_NY

    Patriot_in_NY Rookie

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    ........... By Mere 17-Point Victory

    BOSTON—The Patriots organization is reeling this week following their narrow 34-17 victory over the lowly Browns, taking stock of their game-planning methods, philosophy, and indeed their entire season in the aftermath of a game in which they gained barely more than 500 total yards, came within seconds of failing to cover the spread, and scored only twice as much as their opponent.

    "I think it's too early to call the season a failure," said visibly shaken Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, who was called into the office of owner Robert Kraft Monday morning and officially placed on probation in light of the insufficiently dominant victory. "I wish to extend my deepest apologies to the Patriots fans and ask them to continue supporting the players and the team. All the blame for Sunday's victory has to lie with me."

    Practices have been subdued and intense this week as players struggle to adjust offensive and defensive schemes that were unable to put the Browns away until late in the first quarter, produced a scant 4.4 yards per rush—only 0.6 yards over the league average—and had to rely on two interceptions and a fumble recovery to finally go up by more than 10 points.

    "I have to take my share of the blame," said quarterback Tom Brady, who has already drawn moderate criticism this season for throwing only three touchdowns in each of the Patriots' games so far. "With two minutes left in the fourth quarter, I missed [tight end] Kyle [Brady] in the end zone. Any other greatest quarterback makes that touchdown pass and we win by 24—not outstanding, but at least it would have given us some pride in the locker room. As it was, we couldn't look each other in the eye."

    Although Belichick has refused to discuss personnel moves, Patriots insiders say that benching Brady for next week's game against undefeated Dallas was a definite possibility. All-pro tight end Ben Watson, who only scored twice against the Browns and struggled to produce a 106-yard performance, will almost certainly lose his starting job. Backup running back Samuel Morris managed only 102 yards on 21 carries and is generally acknowledged to be finished in the NFL. And wideout Randy Moss, held to only 49 yards, is almost certain to be traded by next week.

    Read MORE

    ---------------------


    In other News: Bills to consider retirement

    Gotta love the Onion
  2. sieglo

    sieglo Rookie

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    Re: Patriots Stunned................. (satire)

    LMAO. That BB quote was way too revealing to be true, though. The Onion needs to study BB-speak more.
  3. gomezcat

    gomezcat It's SIR Moderator to you Staff Member PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Re: Patriots Stunned................. (satire)

    Superb, as ever.
  4. FlyingElvis75

    FlyingElvis75 Rookie

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    Re: Patriots Stunned................. (satire)

    Holy hell. I have been talking to friends/girlfriend all week about how the Onion should do a story on how humiliated the Patriots were from their worst win of the season. This is scary...
  5. JoeCorrado

    JoeCorrado Rookie

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    Re: Patriots Stunned................. (satire)

    Want me to be impressed? Let me see the Pats be a minus 5 in the turnover battle and yet STILL manage to find a way to win.

    Now THAT, would be impressive.

    This game will be nothing more than a good barometer for how these teams match up. It will equal just one win, loss or tie on their respective records but for the players- this is how they get to gage themselves.

    Kind of like last season when the 10-0 Colts came to Texas... and left 10-1.

    Know what I mean? Nice thread title by the way... Patriots stunned.
  6. patchick

    patchick Moderatrix Staff Member PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Re: Patriots Stunned................. (satire)

    Hi Joe, let me introduce you to the Visiting Locker Room where we invite fans from other teams to come banter. Sure beats coming to the main board and taking a post about an article from The Onion seriously. :rolleyes:
  7. FlyingElvis75

    FlyingElvis75 Rookie

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    Re: Patriots Stunned................. (satire)

    I don't think anyone gives a rat's ***** about what would impress a troll. Considering nothing in this thread coes REMOTELY close to mentioning the Dallas game next week, your trash-talking seems quite out of place.
  8. Patriot_in_NY

    Patriot_in_NY Rookie

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    Re: Patriots Stunned................. (satire)

    What would thoroughly depress me would be to EVEN BE INVOLVED in a -5 turnover battle with possibly one of the worst 4-5 teams in the NFL in the first place. Glad to hear you boasting about you eeking out the win. Congrats on that :rolleyes:

    But, if makes you feel any better, Buffalo gave us fits too........ at least for the first 5 minutes of the game. We only went on to paste them by 31 points before yanking our starters with about 8 minutes left to play. :singing:
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2007
  9. njpatsfan

    njpatsfan Rookie

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    Re: Patriots Stunned................. (satire)

    Whoever wrote this must read the gameday thread. The most ridiculous idiocy happens on that thread.

    R
  10. sieglo

    sieglo Rookie

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    Re: Patriots Stunned................. (satire)

    LOL. I think a lot of the stuff on that thread has kind of a tonhue in cheek tone. You can't take it too seriously.
  11. FlyingElvis75

    FlyingElvis75 Rookie

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    Re: Patriots Stunned................. (satire)

    Erm...it's The Onion.
  12. Lloyd_Christmas

    Lloyd_Christmas I can delete my own crap! PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Re: Patriots Stunned................. (satire)

    That was a funny article, but they got their facts a little wrong.

    The spread was 16.5 pts. Pats did cover the spread.
  13. FlyingElvis75

    FlyingElvis75 Rookie

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    Re: Patriots Stunned................. (satire)

    It said they "came within seconds of failing to cover the spread," which is true - didn't cover it until 42 (?) seconds left.
  14. BelichickFan

    BelichickFan B.O. = Fugazi PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #24 Jersey

    Re: Patriots Stunned................. (satire)

    The funny thing about this - and I realize it's humor - is I think there's more truth to this than many think. I don't think the team was very happy with that performance. I think they were more unhappy with it than happy and this "humor" is kind of accurate at a macro level.

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