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Patriots Stunned By Mere 17-Point Victory


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i saw that on cbs today, and started laughing...at first the title threw me off,...until i saww it was from the Onion...everyone should read it, quite funny
 
Dr. Zzzzz wrote the same thing in S.I. -- WITHOUT THE IRONY.

His argument was that they barely covered the spread (which was 16 freaking points) and therefore might not actually be off to the most dominant start in 125 years of football....sorry, step down Patriots, here come the Colts!...and undermanned team that fought valiantly over Tampa Bay.

THAT's funny!

Where the hell was he all those years when we were winning Super Bowls with injury ravaged rosters....never mind games in week 5.

Zimmerman also rated the Pats as the 31st out of 31 teams in 2001, before the 0-2 start....how did that work out for him?

He also called Marino a "pusher of the ball" when he came out of Pitt. And more recently said of Rex Grossman that he throws one of the best deep balls he's ever seen.

Dr. Z has a Hall of Fame vote.

That's not funny, it's dangerous.

Isn't it time to take pretentious writers (Z, King, et al) with zero pro sports experience off the HoF selection committee?
 
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Just too much!

BOSTON—The Patriots organization is reeling this week following their narrow 34-17 victory over the lowly Browns, taking stock of their game-planning methods, philosophy, and indeed their entire season in the aftermath of a game in which they gained barely more than 500 total yards, came within seconds of failing to cover the spread, and scored only twice as much as their opponent.

"I think it's too early to call the season a failure," said visibly shaken Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, who was called into the office of owner Robert Kraft Monday morning and officially placed on probation in light of the insufficiently dominant victory. "I wish to extend my deepest apologies to the Patriots fans and ask them to continue supporting the players and the team. All the blame for Sunday's victory has to lie with me."

Practices have been subdued and intense this week as players struggle to adjust offensive and defensive schemes that were unable to put the Browns away until late in the first quarter, produced a scant 4.4 yards per rush—only 0.6 yards over the league average—and had to rely on two interceptions and a fumble recovery to finally go up by more than 10 points.

.... All-pro tight end Ben Watson, who only scored twice against the Browns and struggled to produce a 106-yard performance, will almost certainly lose his starting job. Backup running back Samuel Morris managed only 102 yards on 21 carries and is generally acknowledged to be finished in the NFL. And wideout Randy Moss, held to only 49 yards, ....

"It was probably my worst game as a pro," said linebacker Junior Seau, who was almost invisible for the whole game, only able to intercept a total of two Derek Anderson passes all game and none in the second half. "Not that I was alone out there. Randall [Gay] only recovered one fumble for a touchdown. And I hate to call out the other unit, but there were a couple of times when the offensive line almost gave up their fourth sack of the season."

.... Belichick said at a post-practice press conference Wednesday. "This team has so much wrong with it, it's hard to believe we've managed to only lose zero games."


- edited excerpts
 
Dr. Zzzzz wrote the same thing in S.I. -- WITHOUT THE IRONY.

His argument was that they barely covered the spread (which was 16 freaking points) and therefore might not actually be off to the most dominant start in 125 years of football....sorry, step down Patriots, here come the Colts!...and undermanned team that fought valiantly over Tampa Bay.

THAT's funny!

Where the hell was he all those years when we were winning Super Bowls with injury ravaged rosters....never mind games in week 5.

Zimmerman also rated the Pats as the 31st out of 31 teams in 2001, before the 0-2 start....how did that work out for him?

He also called Marino a "pusher of the ball" when he came out of Pitt. And more recently said of Rex Grossman that he throws one of the best deep balls he's ever seen.

Dr. Z has a Hall of Fame vote.

That's not funny, it's dangerous.

Isn't it time to take pretentious writers (Z, King, et al) with zero pro sports experience off the HoF selection committee?


Dr. Z has always rubbed me the wrong way. I think he's just angry that the wing-t isn't getting run anymore. Anyone read A Thinking Man's Guide to Football? You could literally read his wood when he finally got to draw a passing tree. He was elated like this was some NFL secret leaked to him by Walsh himself. Things like the zone blitz and a crazy new concept called a "stunt" confuse him. When there's not four down linemen in a base set he begins to get nervous...then scared...then angry...then hits the typewriter to accuse Dan Pees of funding Al Qaeda. That's why he likes Indy's defense in all of it's troglodytic glory (Very good, Dr. Z, there are two safeties deep!).

He also creeps me out. He's got that creepy vibe of a cantankerous old high school history teacher. You know, the one who yells at you for being too happy. The same one who is prone to blurt out strange ideas like "The Austrailians were behind 911". He just seems like a bitter old man who is so in place at SI that he's now just saying whatever pops into his head.
 
Maybe we're not crazy. Pure pop culture satire has observed the might of the Pats.
 
.... He was elated like this was some NFL secret leaked to him by Walsh himself. Things like the zone blitz and a crazy new concept called a "stunt" confuse him. When there's not four down linemen in a base set he begins to get nervous...then scared...then angry...then hits the typewriter to accuse Dan Pees of funding Al Qaeda. ....



You aren't FROM The Onion ... are you?
 
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