OT: What's the funniest dumb football comment you've ever heard?

[Tunescribe]

"Let's go get a goddamn snack."

That was just wrong, on so many levels.

 

[Displaced - Fan]

One season Monday night football was on in the bedroom while I was in the bathroon brushing my teeth. My wife asks from the bedroom "What does it mean when they hold up a D and a Fence?" Soon as she said it she knew it was a HUGE blonde moment. We laughed for like an hour.

 

[Ron Sellers]

- The rationale from all of those that thought the Patriots would or should draft Tim Tebow.

- The rationale from all of those that thought the Patriots would or should have signed Mike Vick.

- The rationale from all of those that thought the Patriots should have extended Matt Cassel and traded Tom Brady.

- The rationale from all of those that thought there was no reason for Belichick to keep Brady on the roster because it was obvious Michael Bishop should be the starting quarterback.

- "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - Joe Theisman

- "We're not attempting to circumcise the rules." - Bill Cowher

- "People say I'll be drafted in the first round, maybe even higher." - Craig 'Ironhead' Heyward

- "I want to rush for 1000 or 1500 yards, whichever comes first." - George Rogers

- "The purpose of the center during the snap is to get the ball to the quarterback, and if that doesn't happen it usually results in a fumble." - John Madden

- "You guys line up alphabetically by height."

- "It's a humbling thing being humble." - Maurice Claret

- "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

- "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." - University of Houston player

- "It isn't like I came down from Mount Sinai with the tabloids." - Ron Meyer

- "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating." - Jim Finks

- "I don't think there's anybody in this organization not focused on the 49ers... I mean Chargers." - BB

- "Defensively, I think it's important for us to tackle." - Karl Mecklenburg

- "I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that." - Jerry Rice

- "Hawaii doesn't win many games in the United States." - Lee Corso

- "I'm the football coach around here and don't you remember it."

- "I used to have this slight speech implement and couldn't remember things before I took the Sam Carnegie course."

- "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."

- "Just remember the words of Patrick Henry - 'Kill me or let me live.'"

- "The greatest thing just happened to me. I just got indicted into the Florida Sports Hall of Fame. They had a standing observation for me."

- "Look at that little monkey run." - Howard Cossell

 

[italia44]

"Southie doesn't need Kraft and his stadium".

.......not when you can have a hot dog with a mass murderer at "Sullys" on Castle Island.

 

[Defsoul]

Joe Theismann calling Danny Woodhead 'Danny Wood****' was pretty hilarious.

 

[PatsWickedPissah]

THIS is precisely what an off season thread should be. Way to go!

 

[Uncle Rico]

John Madden, several years ago, believe it was a Dolphins game, said while replaying a phins running play that went for a TD - the running back had 3 options - A, B & C... He looked at C, bounced it over to B then went straight up the A-hole.

Swear to God, it was hilarious... Not sure if it was intentional, but man was it funny.

Awesome. Right up the with the legend of Dizzy Dean, who, after several shots of a couple kissing in the stands during a baseball game, said "That young feller is kissing her on the strikes and she's kissing him on the balls."

 

[#12G.O.A.T]

 

[mgcolby]

I was in line at a costco food window in Northern VA wearing my Pats polo. When a very loud obnoxious guy turned his attention to my shirt and said "you root for cheaters?"

I shook my head and smiled, to which he replied "no, its true they proved it the Patriots are cheaters."

Everyone is now staring in our direction because of this loud ass.

So I asked him who he rooted for?

"The Redskins" he replied.

I told him to google his new coach and cheating, and then get back to me. This was about two months after they signed Shannahan.

 

[Mike the Brit]

A summary of the game from 3 year old Owen, just arrived in the U.S.: "Man blow whistle. All fall down."

 

[Pats Fanatic]

Good thread for some Bill Peterson quotes former Oilers coach one of the worst Head Coaches of all times.
“You guys have to run a little more than full speed out there.”
“Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.”
“Lead us in a few words of silent prayer.”
“We understand the need for each of them to focus on recovering from their recent injuries.”
“to do so not expecting to receive any assistance from anyone else.”
“The windows were shaking. I looked out the back window — the swing set was gone.”
“Now I look like Rodney Dangerfield. He wasn't too bad looking when he was younger.”
"I'm the football coach around here and don't you remember it."
"I used to have this slight speech implement and couldn't remember things before I took the Sam Carnegie course."
"Just remember the words of Patrick Henry - 'Kill me or let me live.'"

 

[mgcolby]

"That was a facial" Al Michaels :rocker:

 

[Keyser Söze]

go on jetsinsider, you'll have a new one every 5 minutes.

 

[Brady_to_Moss]

I'm surprised John Madden hasn't been brought up more, especially the immortal line

"I don't like what the Patriots are doing here."

Or this classic insight:

"Well, when you're playing good football, it's good football, and if you don't have good football then you're not really playing good football."

That said, I actually always enjoyed John Madden.

 

[Gwedd]

And again with the great Madden:

"see, well ya see, the thing is, if the quarterback completed a pass in the end zone, and the wide receiver holds onto the ball, than that's a touchdown"

Yup... his commentary never gets old.

 

[Chevy]

Paul Maguire (IIRC) "The team that's going to win is the one that scores the most points."

Amazing insight, Paul.

 

[jv320i]

Can't overlook the immortal words of John McKay after another Bucs loss...

What do you think about the execution of your team?

-I'm all for it...

Classic.

And hilarious.

 

[Pats Fanatic]

Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans in 1991 that a fire
at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy
was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."
Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: "I
was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot."
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.-Dave Barry
Sure, luck means a lot in football. Not having a good quarterback is bad luck. -Don Shula
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.-Dave Barry

 

[supafly]

I'm surprised John Madden hasn't been brought up more, especially the immortal line

"I don't like what the Patriots are doing here."

Classic, just classic. What a memory that will always be.

 

[Brady_to_Moss]

Classic, just classic. What a memory that will always be.

For the record, I just listened again and what Madden actually said is "I don't agree with what the Patriots are doing right here."

@ the 1:23 mark, here: Final drive of Super Bowl 36 - YouTube

Never gets old, does it?