OT: Division Update: Rex Ryan Wired Comedy GOLD

[livinginthe past]

Contrast...CONTRAST!

Why are people talking about contracts for the love of god?

 

[mtbykr]

The "oh no" before the INT was just priceless!

 

[captain stone]

Todd Haley would be a good Moe. Raheem Morris could be Larry.

I prefer this pair. Harbaugh could then be 2nd-team Moe, and Children 2nd-team Larry.

 

[Wax Frog]

 

[Pat the Pats Fan]

Contrast...CONTRAST!

Why are people talking about contracts for the love of god?

Well, look at the head coach contracts the Jest have given out lately.

Herm?????
Mangenius????
Tubby Wrecks?????

There is definitely not a genius in the Jests Front office....

 

[ausbacker]

 

[jefmblrd]

The guy is a moron.

 

[Gunnails]

I get why you guy's would laugh, but I am not embarrassed by Rex, he shows some emotion and enthusiasm and I am fine with that.

 

[Rob0729]

I get why you guy's would laugh, but I am not embarrassed by Rex, he shows some emotion and enthusiasm and I am fine with that.

Why would you be embarrassed about Rex. He is all about having fun and the Jets had fun this week after a loss so losing to the Bills was actually a win. Leon Washington and the gang got to have their dance off in practice this week because they didn't lose to the Bills because the Bills were better, they lost because they gave the game away and that is what having fun is all about.

The more I hear about Rex Ryan, the more I see him having this team imploding. He has a great personality, but great personality is not a requirement for a great coach. Hearing that Leon Washington went on WFAN and saying that the Jets players were loose and dancing around in practice and approaching the loss to the Bills as if it wasn't a huge deal tells me that Rex could end up being a bigger joke than Mangini.

 

[shmessy]

I get why you guy's would laugh, but I am not embarrassed by Rex, he shows some emotion and enthusiasm and I am fine with that.

Tannenbaum Press Conference January 17, 2011:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the new Head Coach of the New York Jets.........Richard Simmons!!"

Gunnails: "YES!!!!!!!!!!"

Patriots Fans: Uncontrollable laughter.
____

Gunnails, you're a good guy, but I ask you this in all sincerity:

If your team loses at home to a moribound 1-4 team, and that loss is the third in a row for your team, then you and your fanbase say "Eh, at least the coach is fun and entertaining"........then HOW do you expect the rest of the league to take your team seriously if your own fanbase doesn't?

Got news for ya. Winning is waaaaaaayyyyyy more fun than baggy pants, red noses and seltzer. And the big secret is that clown acts are much more entertaining from afar.

 

[Jade Fox]

Hey now don't insult Stimpy like that!

 

[Draper]

.............

(Monday morning, Jets headquarters)

Mark Sanchez: Hey, Leon!

Leon Washington: Yo.

Sanchez: Who we got on the schedule this week?

Washington: Looks like… New England. Pats coming in.

Sanchez: Oof. The Pats? Damn. They’re tough.

Washington: Yup.

Sanchez: What do you think the game plan’s gonna be?

Washington: Don’t worry about it. Coach Ryan got it taken care of.

Sanchez: Hey, where is Coach Ryan?

(door flies open)

Rex: HOW THE **** YOU GUYS DOIN?!

(swipes Sanchez’s PowerBar, takes bite, throws rest in the trash)

Everyone: Hey, Coach.

Rex: Oh, I’m sorry. Didn’t know I stumbled into THE ***** CONVENTION! I asked you all HOW THE **** YOU’RE DOIN’?!

(cranks GNR on the locker room stereo)

Everyone: HEY, COACH!

Rex: Okay. First order of the day: NICKNAMES. Sanchez, from now on your name is Chimichanga.

Sanchez: I thought my nickname was Dirty.

Rex: It’s both! YOU DIRTY ******* CHIMICHANGA! You get laid last night, son?

Sanchez: Well, I don’t wanna kiss and tell…

Rex: OH! OUR LITTLE ROOKIE GOT HIMSELF SOME SWEET NOOKIE!

(gives Sanchez noogie)

(farts)

Washington, your nickname is Tiny, because you’re ******* small. Keller, your nickname is ****ymangler. Ferguson, your nickname is Da Brick. And I got a special nickname for our opponent this week: ***GOTS! YOU’RE PLAYING THE NEW ENGLAND ***GOTS!

Sanchez: What’s the game plan, Coach?

Rex: Well son, we’re gonna go six DB’s against these guys. We’re gonna sit back, force them to drive down the field. We’re gonna lay off the blitz, and we’re go with straight umbrella coverage.

Sanchez: Really?

Rex: Nah. I was just ****in’ was ya. WE’RE GONNA ******* MUTILATE THOSE ****ERS! KILLLLLLLLL!!!!!

(everyone cheers)

Rex: We’re blitzing every play! I’m bringing the house, boys. Actually, **** THE HOUSE. WE’RE BRINGING THE WHOLE GODDAMN BLOCK. You’re blitzing too, Dirty Chimichanga!

Sanchez: But I play offense.

Rex: WHO GIVES A JUMPING ****? I want EVERY GODDAMN PLAYER ON THIS SQUAD READY TO ******* KILL!

(hands out bayonets)

(straps Belichick dummy to tackling sled)

LET’S GO. ******* KILLLLLLLLLLL IT!

(everyone stabs it)

Good. That’s good ******* work, boys! Next order of business: Bounties! Any you fellas know this Adalius Thomas? $50 TO THE MAN WHO ***** HIS SISTER AND BRINGS ME A SNAPSHOT OF HER NAKED! Everyone who doesn’t is fined $1,000. You guys! I’m so ******* jazzed for this game. WE’RE GONNA RAPE ‘EM! AND THEN WE’RE GOIN’ TUBING!

Sanchez: Snow tubing or water tubing?

Rex: ***** TUBING! Next order of business: Brady’s knee. Now, that ******* dip**** was wearing a brace last night. Keller, I want you to sneak into Brady’s hotel room the night before the game and carefully remove the screws from that brace.

Keller: Uh, isn’t that illegal?

Rex: Goddamn right it is. THAT’S THE BEST PART! Tear that *******’s leg in half and I’m taking all of you out for STEAKS AND BLOWJOBS!

(everyone cheers)

Next order of business: **** talking. MANGOLD, I saw a picture of your sister on the COMPUNET! There’s a woman who could take a punch! HEY DA BRICK! How many a these sausage patties you think I can eat in five minutes? YOU WANNA THROW DOWN? Any you homos ever punched a gay? They make the funniest sound. Here, I made it my cell phone ring!

Sanchez: Coach, can we have story time today?

Rex: Maybe later in the week. Right now, I have to call this 49-year-old skank I know to show up at Belichick’s door the night of the game and suck that man’s cold white ****! BUT NOT BEFORE I GET A TASTE OF HER!

(everyone cheers)

Men, lemme tell you something. Everyone’s calling us underdogs on Sunday. Well, THERE ARE NO ******* UNDERDOGS IN THIS LOCKER ROOM. YOU ARE ******* WINNERS. YOU ARE ******* WINNERS AND AFTER WE DISMEMBER THESE ****ERS WE’RE ALL GOING ICE FISHING. WE’RE GONNA KILL, ****, AND DRINK. THAT’S HOW A REX ******* RYAN TEAM OPERATES. YOU THINK I’M GONNA GET OUTCOACHED BY SOME HERMIT IN A ******* SWEATSHIRT? **** THAT TEAM, **** THEIR FAMILIES, AND **** THE WORLD. ARE YOU WITH ME?!

Everyone: YES!

Rex: GIMME A ******* HELL YEAH!

Everyone: ******* HELL YEAH!

Rex: Jesus, I’ve got to take a monster ****!

(tucks box of donuts under arm, walks to bathroom)

Sanchez: I love that man.

 

[PromisedLand]

Dear Lord!

They're actually eating it up!!!!!

Is there ANYTHING more pathetic than a Jets fan??????

See my sig...

 

[PromisedLand]

.............

That is the funniest ******* ;-) thing I've seen on this board in a long, long time.

 

[captain stone]

Thanks, Draper. I laughed so hard I cried. Damn funny sh!t.

 

[PatsWickedPissah]

Who here posts on JetsInsider or Gangreen and wants to get banned by posting Draper's dialog over there? Be a man!

 

[skinnydog]

I couldn't get the video to play. Looks like it's been taken down. Any chance any one saved it?

Thanks, John