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Official Tiger Woods Jokes Thread

Discussion in 'The PatsFans.com Pub' started by IcyPatriot, Dec 15, 2009.

  1. IcyPatriot

    IcyPatriot ------------- PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #87 Jersey

    What is the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger? :confused2:



    Santa only does 3 Ho's.
  2. Michael

    Michael Moderator Staff Member PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #12 Jersey

    If you marry a golfer you have to expect he'll "play a round".
  3. IcyPatriot

    IcyPatriot ------------- PatsFans.com Supporter

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    What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning?


    They went clubbing
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2009
  4. IcyPatriot

    IcyPatriot ------------- PatsFans.com Supporter

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    What's the difference between a car and a golf ball?


    Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2009
  5. IcyPatriot

    IcyPatriot ------------- PatsFans.com Supporter

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    The police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him.

    "I can't remember," Elin said, "just put me down for a 5."
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2009
  6. IcyPatriot

    IcyPatriot ------------- PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #87 Jersey

    What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seal?


    They've both been clubbed by a Norwegian.
  7. IcyPatriot

    IcyPatriot ------------- PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #87 Jersey

    Tiger's other women aren't misstresses.


    They're provisionals.
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2009
  8. IcyPatriot

    IcyPatriot ------------- PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #87 Jersey

    Tiger’s favorite Christmas carol:


    “I’m Dreaming of a Blonde Mistress
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2009
  9. IcyPatriot

    IcyPatriot ------------- PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Q. What kind of club did Elin swing at Tiger?



    A. Looks like it was a b!tching wedge.
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2009
  10. Patriot_in_NY

    Patriot_in_NY Rookie

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    Phil Mickelson called Tiger's wife look for tips on how to beat Tiger.
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2009
  11. HarkDawg

    HarkDawg Banned

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    Why did Tiger Woods cross the road?

















    So he could screw the random Busty Blond Broad on the other side. :)
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2009
  12. dalero

    dalero PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Tiger has four cars. Now he has a hole in one.
  13. dalero

    dalero PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Tiger drives well on the fairway but doesn't fare well in the driveway
  14. IcyPatriot

    IcyPatriot ------------- PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Tiger is rumored to be doing something with Jessica Simpson.

    Does that mean Tiger and Tony Romo have effectively done each other?
  15. IcyPatriot

    IcyPatriot ------------- PatsFans.com Supporter

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  16. IcyPatriot

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    Last edited: Dec 17, 2009
  17. dalero

    dalero PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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  18. IcyPatriot

    IcyPatriot ------------- PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #87 Jersey

    A Tiger Wood Christmas

    T’was the night of Thanksgiving, and out of the house
    Tiger Woods he came flyin’, chased by his spouse.

    She wielded a nine iron, and wasn’t too merry
    ‘Cause a bimbo’s phone number, she'd found on his Blackberry.

    Old Tiger’d been cheating, on poor little Elin
    Then as each day went by, another whore came out squealin’.

    He was on Holly, on Jamie, on Rachel and Cory
    On Joslyn, Kaleeka, TMZ had the story.

    From on top of the world, to above all the fold
    Tiger’s evermore sordid tale, it was told.

    With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex
    And when he wasn’t hosin’ them, he sent them hot texts.

    He crashed his Caddy, but didn’t call Onstar
    Yet he played Spank Me Daddy, with a skanky old porn star.

    He’s been naughty, so with Santa he hasn’t a chance
    Sent a big lump of coal, to match the lump in his pants.

    But despite all his cryin’, and beggin’ and pleadin’
    Tiger’s wife went right out, and bought a new house in Sweden .

    And I heard her exclaim, as she packed up the Escalade
    “If you’re gonna get laid, then I’m gonna get paid!”

    Now she’s not pouting, in fact she’s of good cheer
    ‘Cause her prenup made Christmas, come early this year
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2009
  19. IcyPatriot

    IcyPatriot ------------- PatsFans.com Supporter

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  20. IcyPatriot

    IcyPatriot ------------- PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #87 Jersey

    There is no truth to the rumor that
    this is Tiger Woods nurse.

    [​IMG]

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