NYG in possession of the only TRUE blueprint...

Discussion in 'PatsFans.com - Patriots Fan Forum' started by Absurdly Metro, Jan 24, 2008.

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  1. Absurdly Metro

    Absurdly Metro Third String But Playing on Special Teams

    Word has it that the NYG have obtained the only TRUE blueprint available for defeating the Belichick/Brady Patriots in a hat & t-shirt game.

    It turns out the blueprint came to the Giants courtesy of Eli's big brother, who was allegedly caught doctoring a package of DoubleStuffers by a representative of Kraft Foods during a recent promotional shoot for their campaign featuring the Mannings.

    Grace NiMini, a 2nd year Oreo Cookie intern, has issued a statement implicating big brother Goober Manning in the plot to hand down the Lombardi trophy to his younger sibling rather than returning it to it's rightful owners at the February 3rd Superbowl in Glendale Arizona.

    "I saw Peyton using Sony's new HD laser incription technology to burn the blueprint into the creme filling of the DoubleStuffers.", Nimini said. "When I asked him what was going on he said he was just using it to 'shoot the game'--whatever that means."

    When approached by the Intern, Nimini claims Manning became visibly frustrated, hanging his head and flailing his arms in an apparent effort to deflect attention from what he was really doing.

    At the insistance of league officials the younger Manning turned over the cookies for examination by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. When reached for comment, Goodell denied the cookies contained evidence of tampering and said they had been destroyed. Luckily, Fox Sport's Jay Glazer obtained a transcript of the laser inscription prior to the evidence being licked clean.

    Here, in short, is the ONLY true blueprint in existence for defeating the Patriots in a hat & t-shirt game:

    Dear Eli,

    Listen carefully. They're definitely beatable. Here's what you gotta do to pull it off. Do exactly as I say...

    1. Have the commissioner change the SB venue from Glendale to the RCA Dome in Indy.

    2. Reroute the Pats flight plan to include a grueling cross country jaunt on short rest before sending them back to Indy.

    3. Distribute the flu virus via crop dusters onto their practice field a few days before the big game.

    4. Hire Jeff Gillooley to break Junior's arm and Rodney's knee prior to kickoff.

    5. Set the indoor climate control zone on the visitors side of the field to 115 degrees.

    6. Jam the radio frequency on the visitors coach to QB communication.

    7. Turn up the artificial crowd noise to 100 decibals while their offense is on the field. Turn it up to 150 decibals on key third downs.

    8. Bribe the officials to flag Ellis Hobbs for Pass Interference on all pass plays in the endzone or for those of more than 20 yards.

    Little brother, even if you do all this, they'll still be in a position to beat you at the end so you'll need a few breaks too. A twelve men in the huddle penalty and a wrong route running assignment on 3rd and short worked for me.

    Well, that's the blueprint. It's been done only one time in a hat & t-shirt game. But I'm living proof it CAN be done. Good luck.

    your big bro,

  2. godef

    godef In the Starting Line-Up

    Blue print to beat the Pats? But Eli's big brother did not beat the Pats this season.

    Next. :rolleyes:
  3. BradyFTW!

    BradyFTW! PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    #12 Jersey

    Even then, you still have to deal with Moss and Welker ;P
  4. Patriotic Fervor

    Patriotic Fervor Rotational Player and Threatening Starter's Job

    Is the writer of this piece trying to ascribe a nexus between Bob Kraft (and hence, the Patriots organization) and Kraft foods?:confused:
  5. spacecrime

    spacecrime Veteran Starter w/Big Long Term Deal

    Kraft drives a Nexus? I thought he had a Lincoln Town Car???
  6. He eats Kraft cardboard for dinner????
  7. elandadem

    elandadem Practice Squad Player

    #11 Jersey

    Don't be concerned if Hobbs is not actually on the field.

    An emergency rule clarification (i.e. rewrite) has just cleared the Competition Committee: Ellis Hobbs can be called for PI at any point when a Patriot is on the field; to include the Coin Toss and the Presentation of the Lombardi Trophy. Should said offense occur during the presentation ceremony, the teams will retake the field as the game cannot end on a defensive penalty.

    For further clarification please contact bill.polian@rulechangers.com
  8. Menlo

    Menlo Banned

    Eli's poise concerns me. He seems calm cool laid back etc and very hard to rattle unlike Peyton.
  9. neuronet

    neuronet In the Starting Line-Up

    #87 Jersey

    Parody detector busted....
  10. Wildo7

    Wildo7 Totally Full of It

    hahahaha good one.
  11. TommyD4207

    TommyD4207 On the Game Day Roster

    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

    Obviously, everyone calls him Bambi because of his poise and laid back demeanor.
  12. Michael

    Michael Moderator Staff Member PatsFans.com Supporter

    #12 Jersey

    Commander McBrag! I love it. :D
  13. ljuneau

    ljuneau Rotational Player and Threatening Starter's Job

    That's because he likely forgot his name again and was trying to remember it.
  14. Pat the Pats Fan

    Pat the Pats Fan In the Starting Line-Up

    #50 Jersey

    Stupid is as stupid does.........
  15. godef

    godef In the Starting Line-Up

    Alright, I admit I only got to the second paragraph before I decided I had bettr things to do with my online time. :(
  16. Absurdly Metro

    Absurdly Metro Third String But Playing on Special Teams

    Not really. But Kraft Foods does own Nabisco which makes Oreo Cookies. Of course the Mannings have an Oreo Cookie thing going on now. I only threw the Kraft Foods reference in there to color it a bit more Patriots even though there is no connection between our own Mr. Kraft and Kraft Foods. Went a bit overboard perhaps i guess. I tend to do that. For instance, the name of the snitch in the story is actually an anagram for the HC of the NYJ.
  17. SoxPatsFaninIndy

    SoxPatsFaninIndy Practice Squad Player

    #11 Jersey

    Now THAT is good stuff.
  18. Patriotic Fervor

    Patriotic Fervor Rotational Player and Threatening Starter's Job

    Very good.

    Then carry on, Jeeves....
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