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"New England Awesomes"

Discussion in 'PatsFans.com - Patriots Fan Forum' started by He Ban Me, May 6, 2007.

  1. He Ban Me

    He Ban Me Banned

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    Were you guys aware of this??


    http://forums.theganggreen.com/showpost.php?p=539284&postcount=19



    ATTENTION PEOPLE: As a result of recent events, there are going to be a few changes around this here National Football League. You all brought this on yourselves.

    Effective immediately, the New England Patriots will no longer be known as the New England Patriots, but the New England Awesomes. Along those same lines, Robert and Jonathan Kraft will now be known as Robert Awesome and Jonathan Awesome.

    Tom Brady will be known now as Hunky McFabulous, and he'll be throwing footballs this season to Randy Mawesome.

    Tedy Bruschi's name will still be Tedy Bruschi - but so will yours.

    Touchdowns will still be known as touchdowns, except when scored by the New England Awesomes, in which case they will be referred to as: "Of Courses." Fieldgoals will be worth seven points for the New England Awesomes, since they would have probably scored an Of Course if they really felt like it.

    National Football League schedulers will be be revising the schedule to reflect that the New England Awesomes will play who they want, when they want, and where they want, and they will be on National television at all times. They will preempt whatever non-New England Awesome show is wasting everyone's time in that slot. Games won't just be limited to other NFL teams. Don't be surprised if your doorbell rings and you find the New England Awesomes out on your front porch ready to play, and CBS is trying to figure out how to hang a camera from your neighbor's cupola. Nor should you be surprised if, during the bye-week, the New England Awesomes conquer Liechtenstein just for fun.

    In honor of this new arrangement, GIllette will announce a new razor - their third new one this week - and, thankfully, their last new razor ever. The new Gillette Awesome will look suspiciously like a plain ol' wooden stick, but when you hold it up to your face, the hair is mysteriously scared right down the sink. Don't even think about shaving your junk with this.


    And remember, people, you asked for all this.
    __________________
    Last edited: May 6, 2007
  2. A.C Vegas

    A.C Vegas Rookie

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    someone had too much time and bitterness on there hands (not you he ban me)
  3. Scott37

    Scott37 Rookie

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    That's just perfect!
  4. brady199

    brady199 Rookie

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    Awesome!!!
  5. zippo59

    zippo59 Rookie

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    That's more like it.:rocker:

    I'm glad people are beginning to understand.
  6. He Ban Me

    He Ban Me Banned

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    I'm glad you are taking it with a grain of salt. I thought it was kinda funny myself, but hoping no one would be offended and start flaming. Looks like the Pats MAY just have taken some of the SB winning pressure off the Colts! ;)
    Last edited: May 6, 2007
  7. PatsFanInVa

    PatsFanInVa PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    God this is a great time to be alive.

    PFnV
  8. spacecrime

    spacecrime Rookie

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    I have to echo brady199: AWESOME.

    This is a pretty funny piece. The TV paragraph was just goofy and dragged, but the rest was just, well, awesome.

    My favorite was that the NEAs (New England Awesomes) will get 7 points for a field goal because obviously they could have scored an Of Course if they wanted to.

    For another very funny take on the Pats off-season, check out Bob Kravitz's column in the Indy Star from about last week.

    I'm really glad to see Jets and Colts fans getting tired of the talking heads proclaiming the Pats the next superbowl winners, especially Colts fans. Gives them a taste of how we felt the past few years. They are already hearing the you've-lost-too-many-key-players-to-compete talk (including from me), and if the Colts win the SB in 2007 by drubbing the Pats along the way, and the media still proclaims the Pats the team to beat, then they will truly understand.

    Wow, I am so looking forward to this season. How great is it that we get to play the Colts and the Chargers?
  9. He Ban Me

    He Ban Me Banned

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    Good take, I'm glad the round robin is in place as well (including the Dirty Birds). Please don't try and sell that Indy crap though. The "no respect" card is lame too!

    But what's past is past. Enjoy the BULLSEYE!!!!!! ;)
  10. 363839

    363839 PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Oh, that post was sarcasm!?!
  11. godef

    godef Rookie

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    Ahh! What a fine tribute!

    You want to know what really burns the grits of Jets fans? Whereas their mgmt was astute enough to steal the likes of Bill Parcells and Curtis Martin away from us, Robert Kraft was still the ultimate mgmt genius in figuring out and recognizing who the true football genius was.

    They should have taken Belichick, not Parcells. The laughs on them.
    Last edited: May 6, 2007
  12. The Boston Patriot

    The Boston Patriot PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Thanks for the link. I would rather read Wrong Borges than read that homer
    continuously. He sounds like Polian has pictures of him with farm animals.
  13. Sundayjack

    Sundayjack Rookie

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    The lesson here is, don't take yourself - or messageboard tomfoolery - too seriously, Tedy.
  14. Mainefan

    Mainefan Rookie

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    It was really quite clever--bitter, maybe--but clever. And funny.
  15. danny88

    danny88 Banned

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    No one gives a **** about the colts, the past, or "dirty birds". We don't care if you think the respect card is lame. Go on over to indystar where all the other obsessive pats haters spend there days starting threads about everything and anything pats/Boston:eek:

    This thread is about a funny article written by a rival fan. No one cares about your open wounds the pats rub salt in week after week by being well, awesome : )
    Last edited: May 6, 2007
  16. CaColtsfan

    CaColtsfan Rookie

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    :rocker:
    I love watching you get all worked up anytime someone mentions the Colts.




    COLTS COLTS COLTS!


    TGG is a great MB and pretty funny write up.
  17. danny88

    danny88 Banned

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    Oh brother you must be stalking me if you can tell I am "all worked up". The obsession continues from the colts fans:eek: :cool:
  18. Bruschi 3:16

    Bruschi 3:16 Rookie

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    Cool, go "Awesomes"!!
  19. spacecrime

    spacecrime Rookie

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    http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070430/COLUMNISTS01/704300356/1058/SPORTS03

    here's the link.

    It was a really funny article.

    No one ever accused me of being anything but a Pats homer, but there is a difference between people writing stupid and petty things like the trolls we get here, and a genuinely funny article.

    Same with the Jets piece. Yeah, HE BAN ME is a moron with the NFL acuity of a salamander that's been out in the sun too long, but the article he copied was still a funny one.
  20. patfanken

    patfanken On the Roster

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    #91 Jersey

    I agree completely. I started laughing in the during the 2nd paragraph and didn't stop until the end. The guy who wrote that deserves his own column. Hell he deserves his own network show. That was just laugh out loud funny, and anyone who didn;t think so, is just taking their fandom WAAAAAAAAY TOOOOOOO seriously. :D

    It was so good I'm going to take the time to register on their web site just to tell him how much I enjoyed this post.

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