Welcome to PatsFans.com

My Own Personal Fact-Free Rant

Discussion in 'Political Discussion' started by PatsFanInVa, Apr 9, 2010.

  1. PatsFanInVa

    PatsFanInVa PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2006
    Messages:
    20,415
    Likes Received:
    268
    Ratings:
    +467 / 7 / -9

    Lemme tellya somethin'.

    I live in the DC burbs, and commute every day to Washington. And you know what Washington's full of right now? Mutants. No other way to say it. Tank-top wearin', sweatin', corn-fed, loud-talkin', standin'-next-to-the-door-while-everyone-has-to-squeeze-past-'em-on-the-train, standin'-on-the-left-side-of-the-escalator mutants.

    Now, while everybody understands the first few said mutations, the last couple might take some 'splainin, especially for great suburbanite goobers like many (but not all) here.

    You don't stand in the doors on the subway. Even hot chicks are not allowed to. You file toward the center of the car. Everybody has the same issue: we all have to get in the doors at the beginning, then back out the doors when it's our stop. Everybody's inconvenienced by this. But the doors accommodate two people passing at a time, and when they're hemmed in by mutants, that decreases to one or perhaps one-half a person at a time. You have to be inconvenienced so that many others are inconvenienced at a level equal to what you endure, and file to the center of the car. Otherwise you multiply the mass inconvenience many times.

    Only a mutant would do such a thing. Yet the cherry blossoms are out, the weather, until today, was fair, and the mutants are everywhere.

    As to standing on the left side of the escalator, think about doing 40 in the left lane of the interstate. Look around you, people. That's the passing lane.

    Every year at this time I am amazed at the sheer bulk of clueless walking biomass descending on my east-coast elite bureaucrat's paradise, without so much as an invitation. I'm amazed the damned health care protestors could find Congress, much less spit on it. Most of the goddam mutants can't find their own anus with both hands and a flashlight, and every now and then some hot-to-trot mutant hausfrau leers at me as if to say "and I've tried."

    There is no point to this. I have simply commuted far too long and the mutants are far too identical, year in and year out, for me to hold back any longer. Our subway is the second or third most-used system in the country. It's packed full during normal commuting days. The last thing I need is herds of dumbasses blocking the doors, gazing blankly into the middle distance, and wondering almost audibly why everybody's glaring at them.

    And don't even talk to me about the mall. No, not the big twenty-football-field mall next to the National Klansman, I mean Pentagon City mall. That's where you can do pick-ups and drop-offs from close-in suburbs to a metro stop. Not easily, mind you, but you can do it.

    Until the Mutants arrive. The mall mutants are their half-grown young, visiting DC on a class trip, sometimes wearing official Class Trip 2010 gear or somesuch, always jabbering stupidly and nigh-incoherently at each other at the top of their lungs. The girls look vaguely embarassed, except the especially dumb-ass girls, the jocks look pissed that they're not allowed to beat anybody up, the teachers look universally not up to the task, and the geeks look like geeks have always looked, world without end, amen. Mutant young don't just clog the mall and the metro. They come in buses that clog the street for a block leading up to the mall. Thinking of crossing the street? Between the goddam cabbies that haven't quite mastered American roads (but find their way through GPS,) the Dips, who can't be held on any charge for any crime, traffic-related or human-traffic-related, and the goddam mutantmobiles, you may as well just wash down a few dozen vicodin with a quart of vodka, duct tape a plastic bag over your head, and open your veins in a warm bath then throw the radio in. Not gonna happen, Junior.

    I just want all you wide-eyed, wider-assed, gawking, drooling, shouting, drawling, tea-party-going, polo-shirt-wearing MUTANTS to wrap what we'll generously call your minds around the blighted commute to which you consign your east-coast-elite bureaucrat cousins.

    Oh yeah, and Monday we've got the goddam nuclear arms control summit 2 blocks away. You don't think Washington's warring police tribes and security apparati are getting warmed up for this one?

    Oh yeah. Now street closings, congestion worse than the usual, and... wait for it... abnormally high metro use is pretty much guaranteed Monday and Tuesday.

    So on top of taking an hour and a quarter to go eight miles or so, like on a normal day, I'm probably looking at another 30 minutes to an hour each way. That's one to two more hours of my life I'll never get back for the privilege of serving the people, and I use the term people advisedly.

    If these mothrafrockers didn't pay my goddam salary, in fact, I think I'd be pissed.

    Love you guys,

    PFnV
  2. khayos

    khayos Rookie

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2005
    Messages:
    3,675
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0 / 0 / -0

    So you work for the government then. Nice perspective, public servant.
  3. reflexblue

    reflexblue PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2006
    Messages:
    17,277
    Likes Received:
    29
    Ratings:
    +72 / 3 / -0

    #91 Jersey

    Did i ever mention that if you took all the sunlight that struck the earth for an entire twenty four hour period would fit in a shoe box and weigh four and a half pounds.?

    YouTube - Duckman (best) rant

























































































    Anyways my wife left DC because of what you ranted about.....GREAT RANT
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2010
  4. patsfan13

    patsfan13 Hall of Fame Poster PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    24,772
    Likes Received:
    75
    Ratings:
    +165 / 7 / -13

    He upset cause the protesters, want him to get a real job instead of his cushy overpaid government job with it's excessive benefits.


    They are tired of over paying.
  5. PatsFanInVa

    PatsFanInVa PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2006
    Messages:
    20,415
    Likes Received:
    268
    Ratings:
    +467 / 7 / -9

    Yep Flex, pretty brutal. 13 and Khayos, your comments remind me of door-standers from big rectangular states just whining with your hand out waiting for my next land-non-use subsidy for your crop-non-raising red state buttocks, trying to figure out what's flatter and straighter-lined, the girl that shot you down at the local barn dance last week or the patch of blighted earth you inhabit. You're both bitter and clinging to your guns and your religion, from the looks of your reactions, and wouldn't know satire - even of the self-referential variety - even if it bit you on your door-blocking buttocks. Love Duckman too. And Muslims.

    GOD BLESS AMERICA,

    PFnV
  6. patsfan13

    patsfan13 Hall of Fame Poster PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    24,772
    Likes Received:
    75
    Ratings:
    +165 / 7 / -13

    I live in NJ I suffered under corrupt and incompetent dem administrations for years. Try again.
  7. PatsFanInVa

    PatsFanInVa PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2006
    Messages:
    20,415
    Likes Received:
    268
    Ratings:
    +467 / 7 / -9

    I didn't say you personally live in a benighted hell-hole of a pity-case like most of the red state net-tax-sponges (as opposed to the net-tax-contributing blue states.) I said your attitudes remind me of those embraced by said touri throngs from said dustbowl remnants. Sorry the NJ public schools didn't do better with your reading comprehension skills. Have some pork rinds and settle down.

    PFnV
  8. reflexblue

    reflexblue PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2006
    Messages:
    17,277
    Likes Received:
    29
    Ratings:
    +72 / 3 / -0

    #91 Jersey

    New Jersey huh i bet you suffered under a lot of toxic wast.......too
  9. Nikolai

    Nikolai Football Atheist PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2009
    Messages:
    6,058
    Likes Received:
    265
    Ratings:
    +551 / 1 / -1

    #54 Jersey

    DC > NJ. I did New Jersey for six months and that was enough for me.

    The commute sucks in Nova, no doubt about it. I'm headed for that rat race again pretty soon. I've been to PC twice...maybe. That said, you have to get outside the Beltway (no, not Tyson's Corner) before you can get away from either the loads of MD shoppers looking for better taxes or the tourists.

    DC's metro is worse than the MTA in NYC, without a doubt. Oh well, c'est la vie. I'd rather live in Nova than in central CT. There's not much to do here.
  10. khayos

    khayos Rookie

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2005
    Messages:
    3,675
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0 / 0 / -0

    LOL I'm from Cape Cod and still live in Massachusetts. Nice try.
  11. IcyPatriot

    IcyPatriot ------------- PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2004
    Messages:
    38,881
    Likes Received:
    431
    Ratings:
    +937 / 8 / -19

    #87 Jersey

    Have you considered a rickshaw???

    [​IMG]
  12. IcyPatriot

    IcyPatriot ------------- PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2004
    Messages:
    38,881
    Likes Received:
    431
    Ratings:
    +937 / 8 / -19

    #87 Jersey


    They get paid to take New York's bowl flush ... :nosmile:
  13. Gunnails

    Gunnails Rookie

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2007
    Messages:
    2,622
    Likes Received:
    4
    Ratings:
    +4 / 0 / -0

    Where is my flying car? We were all suppose to have flying cars by now!
  14. khayos

    khayos Rookie

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2005
    Messages:
    3,675
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0 / 0 / -0

    They can't meet the EPA standards.
  15. DarrylS

    DarrylS PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2004
    Messages:
    41,493
    Likes Received:
    148
    Ratings:
    +299 / 10 / -26

    As a mutant who visits DC occasionally, always rely on public transportation, and find the rules and directions confusing. Never knew there was a proper way on the escalator..

    The whole Metro Fare System and signage only slows us mutants down.. many times have to pay an exit fare. The DC Metro System is better than NYC or Boston.. the only big issue are the lack of stops at the end of the Mall, always enjoy that due to the proximity of the Korean and Viet Nam memorials.. nice to sit and ponder.

    They have tried to be subtle, tasteful and in this quest they have forgotten the obvious.. the buses are not much better.
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2010
  16. Harry Boy

    Harry Boy Look Up, It's Amazing PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2005
    Messages:
    39,924
    Likes Received:
    179
    Ratings:
    +578 / 2 / -9

    Time waits for no man
    It passes you by
    It goes on forever
    Like a cloud in the sky

    There are to many people in the world, the end is closer than we think, nothing stays the same, America is becoming Bangladesh, you are no longer safe, they will find you, loons are protecting poor little Oprah from Kitty Kelly, nobody is protecting Sarah from the loons, hate crimes against Asians in NYC civil rights phony's don't care because Whitey isn't involved, who hit Nellie in the belly with a flounder.

    Hit him again Luther, kill the bastard, oh look Lola, a yellow breasted sap sucker is sucking a tree.

    Deport Aunt Zucchini (keep her out of the white house)
  17. Mrs.PatsFanInVa

    Mrs.PatsFanInVa PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2009
    Messages:
    15,841
    Likes Received:
    320
    Ratings:
    +538 / 9 / -5

    #24 Jersey

    Don't feel bad, Darryl. I've lived here almost 6 years now and I've never even had the nerve to attempt riding the metro. The whole thing terrifies me. I am the original "mutant," I think. Too many people, too little direction, and a city which seems to be built around a circle and the streets change names in mid-block. Blue Lines, Red Lines, Yellow Lines, Orange Lines. Uniformed men with large automatic guns standing guard. Black helicopters flying overhead. No one to ask directions of because either they, like you, don't know where they are or how to get there and those that do know are too tired of "mutants" to tell you.

    Driving is just as bad - Inner Beltways and Outer Beltways, exchanges called "The Mixing Bowl" because there are too many exits to count, each of them going the wrong way. Left handed exits, exits that don't have corresponding entrances so that when you get off at the wrong place you cannot get back on, buses and cabs who are rude and honk incessently for no apparent reason. Shopping malls off of something called "7 Corners" because there are - 7 corners on two intersecting streets. Where I come from intersecting streets have 4 corners - that's it. More than half the streets are diagonal - so even if you started out knowing that you were headed west, you no longer are. Hills you cannot drive on when there's ice or snow because your car will not make the grade, hills you cannot stop at the bottom of because you're now going fast enough from trying to get up it that you inevitably either hydroplane, slide, or spin your car around. If you actually do succeed in arriving at your chosen destination there's - No parking, no parking, no parking. Parking lots of ordinary stores like Target that change you to park there. It takes at least 25 minutes to drive 6 blocks due to traffic - no matter what time of day it is. You cannot drive 10 miles without seeing at least one accident. You cannot own a car which has not been hit at least once from behind. The parking garage for your own condo is a 2 block walk away - much of it underground and creepy. People park illegally all the time - but the one time you actually find an open space in your own lot and park there you get towed "accidently" and it costs you $200.00 for their mistake - plus cab fare to get you to the impound lot.

    The trees are beautiful, the buildings are old and captivating, The Potomac is breathtaking - but if you stop to look and marvel you become a mutant and the locals glare at you, brush by you, knock into you, sneer, mutter, jostle, sigh loudly or, if you're really unlucky, steal your wallet.

    It is an area where you have acquaintances but not friends.....it's a transient area - people move in, people move on. No sense getting to know anyone too well because they're just going to leave again anyhow. The pace of life is wicked fast - no one stops to smell the cherry trees unless they're a tourist - someone might get ahead of you, literally and figuratively, if you do.

    Housing is hideously overpriced.....a quarter of a million dollars for a 90 year old 720 square foot condo on the third floor with no elevator and no central air on a street without parking that's 6 blocks from the nearest bus station. And that's in an ugly and "iffy" neighborhood. You want charm and safety? You're going to pay for it - big time. Same square footage, older building, but it's got cobblestone streets you can't park on, it's closer to the bus stop and safer. Try 3/4 of a million or better. Or you can move further out from the heart of the city - not so "old world charming," still more expensive, but you can get a little more room for your money. Not much, but some. You say you want a "real" house? A yard? A garage? Good luck on affording that. Maybe a town house, that's sometimes affordable. But don't come home drunk because the whole subdivision looks exactly alike and you can't do anything which would identify your own home because the "board of directors" don't allow individuality. Back to the condos..... You'll probably find one with a snotty desk clerk on duty 24 hours a day....they can charge you more in your condo fee for that little illusion of safety - from everyone but the snotty desk clerk, of course, whose only job seems to be making you feel like a fool or a pain in the aSS for requesting your mail or saying "Good Morning," and looking like you might expect a response.

    Mutants in the DC area? Sure, but we're not all tourists, some of us live here.
    And poor us - we're neither fish nor fowl. We remember where we moved here from, the open spaces, smiling faces and free parking places but, unlike the mutant tourists, we know we can't go home again.
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2010
  18. khayos

    khayos Rookie

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2005
    Messages:
    3,675
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0 / 0 / -0

    DC is controlled by the Dems. I'm sure its chock full of mutants.
  19. DarrylS

    DarrylS PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2004
    Messages:
    41,493
    Likes Received:
    148
    Ratings:
    +299 / 10 / -26

    I do not drive in big cities, too many distractions. but have an affinity for the architecture, history and museums.. my new favorite in DC is the Library of Congress and happy hour at the Capitol City Brewery my old fave is the Viet Nam Vets Memorial... which I never grow tired of.
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2010
  20. reflexblue

    reflexblue PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2006
    Messages:
    17,277
    Likes Received:
    29
    Ratings:
    +72 / 3 / -0

    #91 Jersey

    :rofl::rofl::rofl:

Share This Page

unset ($sidebar_block_show); ?>