I have decided I want a raise this year. My Bosses firm is privately held. None of the financial information is public record, .......and.... according to my Boss.....and get this crap,.....he had to pay millions of dollars to establish the business, market the business, seek financial help from partners like television, hire and provide for all other other employees and he expects me to believe I can't look at his books so I can determine how much money that idiot should pay me. I don't want him making too much in the end. If he did that and wanted to add opportunities of added revenue in the future where he said he will create a partnership where I can expand my financial portfolio, how can I trust that, even though I was paid twice the money or more of the President of the United States every year over the last few years? But hey.....I take a chance to get a neck stinger, STD or an ACL or even a concussion because I can get hurt on my job. I know what you are thinking, Policemen and Firemen don't get paid anywhere near what I do and death is right around the corner for them, but those guys are way too busy to have the burden of multi-million dollar corporate endorsements to worry about like me. Some guy even suggested that I split those multi-million dollar endorsements with my Boss because he has to share....ah?....nope! The joke of a Boss even offered me better insurance and protection for my family, that miserable S.O.B. and some of my old buddies. I know he has something hidden like he has a relative or two on the payroll or he is supporting another business with these profits ...HOW DARE HE!...(he might even have a mistress). NO...NO...NO... Mr. Bossman! Open those books so "I" can tell you what is fair. The good news for you is I have a Judge in Minnesota who many say should recuse himself because he has not been equally fair down the line whatsoever. Me and my buddies know this is a "slam dunk" and my pal the Judge will rule in my favor regardless. I know he has this superiority complex going for him that he is "The god of law" even when he is proven wrong, and heaven help the side that argues against his own personal agenda. This will be fun. Meanwhile my good friend Attorney Bessler or Tessler or Fessler or something with a "K" is making money hand over fist because we get to go to court for many billable hours and we already know the outcome. It's like going to a "house of ill-repute" and having them pay you! This will be fun. The only thing we have to be careful about is that there could be too many slaps on the back and "other" things that might be misconstrued when we party down with the Judge after his "oh-so reasonable and non-bias verdict". I have a lot of people in my corner. I have a little guy with a funny hat who uses that as his signature. I have got a secret to tell you. He represented me but he told me this whole thing amounted to a PR game and he hoped he would benefit greatly. He said he could see the beads of sweat on my Bosses face right now. Anyway my buddy in the weird hat was voted in to be our labor "Negotiator". He faked out my Boss cause he ainât negotiatin nuthin! He engineered this so-called âdecertificationâ deal so he can go in front of his good buddy Judge in Minnesota to basically ruin the product my Boss serves to his clients or at least hold it up for ever, despite my Boss essentially meeting my demand for financial disclosure. My Boss is a sucker. My "Negotiator" laughed because he wanted everybodyâs time and all the lawyers involved to be paid handsomely when my little nattily hatted buddy knew he wanted to see Minnesota in the Spring and Summer and Fall and maybe even a little ice fishin in next winter as wellâŠ. anydamnedway. Those Minnesota Judge people will laugh along with him. They even just elected some comedian as a Senator âdonât-cha-knowâ. About that disclosure, my Boss even offered this weakass option to have an independent auditor -- to be determined by both sides -- study the audited financial statements of his privately owned operation and do discovery of proprietary financial information for determination. My main man, Mr. Negotiator does not want a settlement at this time. Are you crazy? He wants that big face time on TV to invest in his political ambitions. I donât know why. He has a face like a torn sneaker! I understand he and a certain someone are seeing if they can get rid of that assclown Biden. Anyway, I am sure it will go my way. After-all I am the star of my Bosses business. It's not like he can go out and replace me because I was blessed with talent (and the rest of you weren't so ha-ha) and I can run faster, throw harder, leap higher, catch better and "stick" like a Mack Truck. I am cursed with that affliction! My Boss's client better pay up. Perhaps they can get another job and pay a little higher price to watch me. Those clients must understand I have my BMW payment, my Escalade payment, my Porsche payment, my Ferrari payment , my "posse payments" and.....my never ending legal bills for mere petty incidents like gun play, those little DUI things when they know I can dive a car better at 100mph that way, drugs they don't deem appropriate, "social disturbances" or the fisticuffs that might have accompanied such and sometimes a paternity suit or two or three. Remember I can't leave the job I have now and do something for a living in the real world. Want to buy some of my Jerseys today? I will sign one for only $500. for your orphanage. Remember the real reason I learned my craft while I went to high school and college and now apply that craft for my Bosses clients.... and get this....on a National stage.... is because they all put a gun to my head. If I don't get what I want, my Boss should close down his business and I will help him along with my "Negotiator". At least I don't have a big waste of time Bronxville guy who acts like an evil, sneaky carnival barker with absolutely "0" knowledge of the profession he was hired to proctor at $7m per year, to be my Boss's mouthpiece. Signed, I am the Man The guy that mows my lawn had the absolute kilyonies to ask to see my financials so he knew how much to raise the price of cutting my lawn. What the hell!