Cleveland writer sticking it to the Bengals - Funny Article :)

Discussion in ' - Patriots Fan Forum' started by PATRIOT64, Apr 1, 2007.

  1. PATRIOT64

    PATRIOT64 In the Starting Line-Up

    Apr 28, 2006
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    Hilarious recent Article from a sportswriter at

    The Cincinatti Enquirer reported on Saturday that the team is ready to head in a new direction. Bengals president Mike Brown has set forth his new agenda for the upcoming season. "There may be some gifted athletes we won't pick that we might have picked a year ago," Brown said in reference to the 2007 draft. Mike Brown makes it sound as if he didn't knowingly draft every criminal possible in last year's draft. Maybe this will all work itself out though. After Chris Henry's four arrests and subsequent "scared straight" 2-day jail sentence, we might start to see the Bengals become the moral compass for the NFL but I highly doubt it.

    Mike Brown's 2007 draft class is going to be followed closely. Picking up 5 criminals in the 2006 draft is going to be a tough act to follow but if there is anyone that can do it, it's Mike Brown. I'm going to go ahead and play Mike Brown and provide you with my first mock draft of the 2007 season:

    Cincinatti Bengals Draft:

    Round 1: Brandon Merriweather-Safety (University of Miami) : This is an absolute no-brainer here. Not only did he start the season off with a bang (getting in a gunfight at teammate Willie Cooper's house), he also was a key player in the Miami-Florida International brawl as he was seen stomping on a Florida International player's head.
    Round 2: Marshawn Lynch-Running Back (California): Once a shoe-in first rounder, Lynch's stock might have slipped for some teams but it skyrocketed for the Bengals after a former girlfriend alleged that Lynch choked, slapped and then sexually assaulted her. Rudi Johnson is definitely a capable back, but you can't pass up running backs that beat women (Jim Brown was the best).
    Round 3: Eric Wright-Cornerback (UNLV): Some might say that he played an easy schedule and that he has never had to cover a pro-level wide reciever but you cant blame him for that. He would have been going against the cream of the crop if he had just hid his ecstacy pills in a better place before getting kicked out of USC.
    Round 4: Demarcus "Tank" Tyler- (NC State): Although he did have allegations against him of assaulting a police officer and public intoxication, he does show a nasty attitude and a lot of passion. Prime example, against Southern Miss Tyler got frustrated and spit in the face of an opposing offensive lineman.
    Round 5: Taurean Charles- Inside Linebacker (Bethune-Cookman): Anothe talented player who would have been playing at Florida State if only he didn't attack a student at a party and throw a keg at him. Imagine the upperbody strength you need to throw a keg, this is a definite indicator to me of his skill level.
    Round 6: Juwan Simpson- Outside Linebacker (Alabama): Was slick enough to get out of charges for possession of a stolen handgun. Is pursuing a second degree in criminal justice (seriously).
    Round 7: Mitch Cozad-Punter (Northern Colorado): Who said punters arent competitive, this one stabbed the starter in the leg.
  2. OhExaulted1

    OhExaulted1 In the Starting Line-Up

    Jan 14, 2005
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    #15 Jersey

    Well, there halfway there to the orange jumpsuits. Now they just need to change their name to "Inmates" and issue #'s like 103479 instead of 1-99.

    That was my #, BTW. I was there for jay-walking.
  3. Scott37

    Scott37 Practice Squad Player

    Sep 13, 2004
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    I had been thinking "Mean Machine" might be fitting
  4. Mainefan

    Mainefan Rotational Player and Threatening Starter's Job

    May 20, 2005
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    I'm not so sure about Merriweather...there's an interesting possibility that we may all get to know him quite a bit better.

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