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Christmas jokes!

Discussion in 'The PatsFans.com Pub' started by KDPPatsfan85, Dec 23, 2011.

  1. KDPPatsfan85

    KDPPatsfan85 Rookie

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    #51 Jersey

    Since its 2 days till christmas, I figure i post some funny jokes!

    Why doesn't Santa have any children ?
    Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.

    What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve ?
    They go into town, and blow a few bucks.


    Why did the snowman have a smile on his face ?
    Because the snowblower was coming down the block.


    A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today ?"
    Johnny raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." and Robert, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"
    The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response.
    The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Robert how he knew this. and Robert said, "Well.....every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"


    Why the Little Angel is at the top of the Christmas Tree ...
    On Christmas Eve Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip. As he pulled his favorite pair of red pants on, they ripped. So, he had to take them off and put on another pair, which was a bit too tight. He then went to check on the rest of the preparations. The elves were on strike. The reindeer had shin-splints. At this point, Santa was BUMMED. He went into the kitchen to take a calming drink, and the bottle was EMPTY. Now he was really mad. All of sudden, there was a knock at the door. Santa, in his angry state, ignored it. There was another knock. Santa was in no mood for all of this. When the knock came again, Santa--filled with rage--threw open the door. Standing there was a little angel who said, "Hi Santa! What do you want me to do with this Christmas Tree?"


    10 Things that Sound Dirty at Christmas, But Aren't


    • 10. Did you get any under the tree?
    • 9. I think your balls are hanging too low.
    • 8. Check out Rudolph's Honker!
    • 7. Santa's sack is really bulging.
    • 6. Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean breath.
    • 5. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?
    • 4. I love licking the end till it's really sharp and pointy.
    • 3. From here you can't tell if they're artificial or real.
    • 2. Can I interest you in some dark meat?
    • 1. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.

    [FONT=Comic Sans MS, Arial]Letter from Santa[/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS, Arial] 2 Cold Street
    North Pole, Canada
    H0H 0H0

    I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year, and since you have, I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all the gifts from "The Twelve Days of Christmas", but we had a little problem up here. The twelve fiddlers fiddling, have all come down with "VD" from fiddling with the ten ladies dancing. The eleven lords a leaping have knocked up the eight maids a milking, and the nine pipers playing, have been arrested for doing weird things to the seven swans a swimming. The six geese a laying, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree, have me up to my butt in bird crap.

    On top of all this, Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, eight of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined Gay Liberation, and those dumbass Newfoundlanders have re-scheduled Christmas for the 5th of February.

    Sincerely,
    Santa
    [/FONT]
  2. Fixit

    Fixit Rookie

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  3. KDPPatsfan85

    KDPPatsfan85 Rookie

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    #51 Jersey

    Thats the best joke i've seen!!!
  4. PatsDeb

    PatsDeb PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    LOL. The one about Jesus Christ in the bathroom had me chuckling too because that could have been my house (and my Dad!) growing up. Thanks for the funnies. Merry Christmas!
  5. Joker

    Joker PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Keeping with the spirit of the thread...

    [​IMG]
  6. PATRIOTSFANINPA

    PATRIOTSFANINPA Rookie

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    #12 Jersey

    Best Joke Yet....

    [​IMG]

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