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Breaking Story: Massachusetts State Police Seeking Brady, Two Others

Discussion in 'PatsFans.com - Patriots Fan Forum' started by Armen Da Pats Fan, Dec 7, 2010.

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  1. Armen Da Pats Fan

    Armen Da Pats Fan Rookie

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    (Foxborough) The Massachusetts State Police are seeking three men in conjunction with a brutal assault and battery that occurred in this quiet New England town on Monday night.

    According to State Police spokesperson Mafata Shimeo, Staties want to question New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, running back/wide reciever Danny Woodhead and head coach Bill Belichick following the assault and battery case that resulted in the horrible beating of one Rex Ryan, of New York, and his team, the New York Jets.

    Ryan, who was questioned by police while consuming 9 Boston Crèmes, 7 chocolate crullers, and 2 boxes of donut holes at a local Honeydew Donuts shop on Route 1 to "ease his pain", told police that Belichick, 58, of Weston; Woodhead, 25, of Savin Hill; and Brady, 33, of Back Bay, assaulted and beat him and his team sometime between 8:30pm and 11:30pm EST on Monday night, along with a large group of unidentified men that Ryan could only describe as “a sea of violent Blue and Silver”.

    "It was horrible", Ryan commented while clutching a Weight Watchers “points guide” in his pudgy hand. "You never think something like this will happen to you. I feel, so, so...violated!"

    A State Police investigator who refused to be identified, told the Herald, “You could tell he was distraught by the way he ate his Boston Crèmes. He didn’t bite them. He lined the hole up to his mouth and sucked all the crème out of the middle, the split them open and licked the inside. This was a heinous crime!”

    State Police were also trying to interview former NFL wide receiver and current analyst Cris Carter, but apparently he has "disappeared".
  2. DarrylS

    DarrylS PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Well done..
  3. DaBruinz

    DaBruinz Pats, B's, Sox PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #50 Jersey

    Best post you've done in a LONG time... :D
  4. Urgent

    Urgent Rookie

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    #24 Jersey

    ...call out the state militia, we're murdering them...

    Nice.
  5. xmarkd400x

    xmarkd400x Rookie

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    Rex Ryan wist-fully added "You know, I thought the repeated penetration into my 'Red' zone was bad enough, but the Patriots just had to keep putting it all the way in. You think they would have had enough the first five times, but no. They didn't. I'm going to be raw for a while after this one.'
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2010
  6. Its_The_Patriots

    Its_The_Patriots Rookie

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    #12 Jersey

    The title of this thread scared the daylight out of me....but that was good! :rofl:
  7. Calciumee

    Calciumee PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    #3 Jersey

    Imagine the thousands of statements the police are going to have to take from the fans who witness the murder last night :D
  8. resdubwhite

    resdubwhite Rookie

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    No Jersey Selected

    I wonder if a jets fan will try to bring the NFL and the patriots to court over this one too.
  9. Armen Da Pats Fan

    Armen Da Pats Fan Rookie

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    Thank you my boy! That means a lot coming from you! I'll try to keep my streak going now...LOL!
  10. Pat the Pats Fan

    Pat the Pats Fan Rookie

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    Brillant my friend just brillant
  11. Steve:Section 102

    Steve:Section 102 Rookie

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    Nice Post:rocker:
  12. MoLewisrocks

    MoLewisrocks PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    Try ever... Every poster has their niche and Armen may have found his. NFL crime scene reporter. ;)
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2010
  13. stcjones

    stcjones Rookie

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    #12 Jersey

    I heard it was 10 Boston cremes, 6 bear's claws and 5 hotdogs that jabba the Rex was drowning his sorrows with :)...nicely done Armen....

  14. Leave No Doubt

    Leave No Doubt PatsFans.com Supporter PatsFans.com Supporter

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    :rofl: At first I thought it was from the Onion! Awesome post!
  15. Patriot_in_NY

    Patriot_in_NY Rookie

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    ** Updated News **

    In a related story, and as an update to last night's assault and battery case involving JETS head coach Rex Ryan, an unidentified police source states that a "rape kit" taken shortly after the incident came back positive. A spokesmen for Belichick, Mr. Ernie Adams, confirms that the test has come back positive, but is confident it will exonerate his client. "These tests will clearly clear my client as DNA from 53 other men was also found in Mr. Ryan's cavities" reports Adams. :eek:
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2010
  16. xmarkd400x

    xmarkd400x Rookie

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    There was also a number of unidentified white substance on the floor of Rex Ryan's car, believed to be pastry filling congealed with tears.
  17. Armen Da Pats Fan

    Armen Da Pats Fan Rookie

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    OMG! We're having fun with this win, aren;t we?
  18. aabtec

    aabtec Rookie

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    That is a riot. I wonder when Rex will be able to sit down again...
  19. Patriot_in_NY

    Patriot_in_NY Rookie

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    :D {10 char}


    Nowhere near as clever as yours.
  20. Halifax_Pats_Fan

    Halifax_Pats_Fan Rookie

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    wait, are we still talking about the game??
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