Brady not happy with youth sports competition-uber-alles atmosphere

[QuantumMechanic]

It’s just different now, and I’m experiencing it with my own kids with all the organized activities that you put them in. I’ve made a comment for a while now: ‘I hope my kids are late bloomers in whatever they do.’ Because they are going to be exposed to so much at such an early time that yeah, you do worry about what their motivation may be. As they get older or if they feel like they’ve been in something for so long and it’s been hyper-intense and hyper-focused for so long, I think that can wear out a young individual, a young teenager.

It’s just hard, because all the parents are doing it, it seems, and the competition feels like it starts so early for these kids – whether it’s to get into college or getting into the right high school or the right elementary school. I don’t know how it’s taken that turn, but you know, sometimes it’s nice for kids to just be kids. At least that’s just from what I remember from when I was growing up.

https://www.bostonglobe.com/sports/...ports-today/aGAPURaESv6hsdCxUDdBTO/story.html

 

[zydecochris]

https://www.bostonglobe.com/sports/...ports-today/aGAPURaESv6hsdCxUDdBTO/story.html

It is parents who were failures at sports, trying to re-live their sporting lives (only much more successfully) through their kids.

For some reason, Brady doesn't seem to be doing that.

 

[XLIX]

It is parents who were failures at sports, trying to re-live their sporting lives (only much more successfully) through their kids.

For some reason, Brady doesn't seem to be doing that.

God help Peyton Manning's son.

 

[smurfalarm]

It is parents who were failures at sports, trying to re-live their sporting lives (only much more successfully) through their kids.

For some reason, Brady doesn't seem to be doing that.

It is an attitude that even pro athletes can sadly hold, especially after they are out of their primes. Brady is unusual in that he gets to be a highly successful pro athlete in his late 30's, so he has had an opportunity to gain a lot of perspective and spend a lot of time thinking about what he will do after his abilities fade. Even most pro athletes face a sudden decline in ability/health followed by an unexpected exit from professional sports while they are still in their mid 20's, before they have even had time to mature and think about what comes after. It must be incredibly disorienting to accept in your late 20's that your career is probably almost over.

I had a (now deceased) cousin who was a professional offensive lineman who had to retire early because of an injury, and he tried to push his two sons into athletics. He ended up pushing them too hard and becoming estranged from the rest of the family because he was so focused on sports and never really adjusted to life after football. Neither of his sons ended up interested in athletics, and they resented their father for the rest of their lives. It was pretty sad. At least the sons succeeded in academics and made good careers for themselves, but I imagine everyone would have been much happier had their father been more supportive of their interests when they were growing up.

 

[Bella*chick]

I was absolutely thrilled to read it. Where I live in Northern Virginia it is CRAZY how everyone's kids are expected to excel at sports, take extra clinics, etc. etc. What about just having fun? Everything is jam packed extracurricular activities and an eye toward being the best starting at age 3. Its pathetic. When I read that Brady has that attitude I breathed a huge sigh of relief. The GOAT hopes his kids are late bloomers? Good enough for me.

 

[1960Pats]

I was absolutely thrilled to read it. Where I live in Northern Virginia it is CRAZY how everyone's kids are expected to excel at sports, take extra clinics, etc. etc. What about just having fun? Everything is jam packed extracurricular activities and an eye toward being the best starting at age 3. Its pathetic. When I read that Brady has that attitude I breathed a huge sigh of relief. The GOAT hopes his kids are late bloomers? Good enough for me.

One of the first things I taught the kids that I coached in baseball (my sons included) was to have fun. If they can do that the rest of the stuff will come to them as long as they have decent coaching.

One of my friends owned a sporting good store and I remember seeing a newspaper article on the wall:
The problem with 20,000 hockey players? 40,000 parents.

 

[jays52]

My daughter is just reaching the age where it's become absurdly competitive. Not with the kids-they couldn't care less- but with the idiot parents. This is second freaking grade, mind you. Seminars, camps, etc...my lil one likes soccer so I take her to Revs games and kick the ball around with her but that's about as deep as it gets. If she asks to go to seminars I'll happily support her but there's no way I'd force her to, and no way in hell I'd willingly subject myself to sharing the parents area with those monsters

The only thing, other than school, that I do ask her to stick with and be disciplined about is her martial arts work. She goes to jiu jitsu five nights a week and I hold pads/drill technique with her on the weekends. Being able to adequately defend yourself is a life skill, and a 110 pound girl with a black belt in jits can turn off the lights on 99.999999% of the population.

 

[patfanken]

I don't think the problem are how much the kids are playing. The PROBLEM is parental involvement and over organization in all these activities. None of these kids even know how to go out and play on their own just for fun.

I look back with great fondness to my own childhood in which virtually every waking moment was spent playing sports, yet Little League was the only organized activity I played until HS football. My first 11 on 11 football was between kids from different JHS playgrounds who organized everything themselves

We didn't need trophies, road trips, dinners, etc All we need was 2-12 kids a hoop, a wall, a diamond, or a frozen strip of ice and we could recreate great epics of sports. Now days kids won't leave the house without a traveling team, stadia, a few dozen parents in tow, and well designed uniforms with their name on the back.. It's really sad to drive by all these parks and see them ENTIRELY empty, with no one but old men and dogs passing through.

Brady is right to be concerned. Clearly he's a better father than athlete.

 

[The Brandon Five]

I don't think the problem are how much the kids are playing. The PROBLEM is parental involvement and over organization in all these activities. None of these kids even know how to go out and play on their own just for fun.

I look back with great fondness to my own childhood in which virtually every waking moment was spent playing sports, yet Little League was the only organized activity I played until HS football. My first 11 on 11 football was between kids from different JHS playgrounds who organized everything themselves

We didn't need trophies, road trips, dinners, etc All we need was 2-12 kids a hoop, a wall, a diamond, or a frozen strip of ice and we could recreate great epics of sports. Now days kids won't leave the house without a traveling team, stadia, a few dozen parents in tow, and well designed uniforms with their name on the back.. It's really sad to drive by all these parks and see them ENTIRELY empty, with no one but old men and dogs passing through.

Brady is right to be concerned. Clearly he's a better father than athlete.

I don't remember every single parent coming to all the hockey games when I was a kid. I played because I liked the game, not to perform for anyone.

 

[Bobsyouruncle]

I haven't noticed. Maybe Brady's neighborhood isn't typical.

 

[patsfan13]

Kids sports can be pretty crazy because of the parents. I have a grandson who played tee ball this year. The coaches son had batting gloves, a $60 bat and a bad attitude, it is a shame the poor kid will hate BBall by the time he is 12.

It is a shame when parents push the kids to be something they may not be, in terms of competiveness. Some kids are uber competitive some play just for fun, both are fine if you take the time to understand the child.

 

[upstater1]

I think people are a bit hyperbolic about all this stuff. At the premier levels, yeah it costs thousands of dollars, insane travel, and it is way overboard (especially because they are largely competing against similar -- mainly white -- privileged kids). When you try to bring underprivileged kids into the same framework through scholarships, there are other problems. Transportation. Boring drill work. Etc.

As for parents attending games/practices--when you drive your kid 20-30 minutes to the field for a 1 hour game/practice, how do you turn around go home, then pick them up? Of course you're going to stick around (or go shopping).

You do have to moderate, and I think premier level is insane, but if you do travel sports (ie. local or regional, driving of 1 hour tops) you can't avoid what comes with it, the intense coaching, etc.

AND, things have changed from where we were young since sports are now much much more technical. Players in basketball, soccer and baseball drill drill drill. While we played, you will quickly find that you are being surpassed by kids who dribble and shoot better, kids who pitch and hit better, kids who dribble soccer balls, shoot and control better.

It's the German idea. The Germans are a machine in soccer. The flair of the Brazilians (who play, play, play instead of drill, drill, drill) is no longer what people strive for. It's a shame, but surely I'm not the only one to notice that sports have ramped up in terms of skill level. Basketball and soccer players are simply much better than they used to be. I suppose hockey is the same. So the question is, once you decide what level of sports you're willing to pay for (for me it's $700 per kid for a year of travel soccer), and how much you're willing to travel (1 hour) then you have to take what comes with it.

It you drop down in soccer and play rec. league, be prepared for that to peter out by the age of 11 or 12. And even if it doesnt, it is downright dangerous. I see unskilled 12 year olds winding up on balls and just whacking each other in the nuts. Playing soccer for the first time at age 12 is to risk your future child bearing ability.

 

[patsfan13]

A lot depends of the child, level of competitiveness and goals as they grow. I had 2 daughters, 1 played softball and soccer, the other just softball. 1 was a rec softball, she took some pitching lessons, but really had little interest beyond the town team. She dropped the sport since she wasn't interested in playing for the high school.

OTOH the other daughter was very competitive, she would play on more than 1 team during the summer, play soccer and fall softball, practice softball during the winter. She played HS Soccer and Softball, her travel softball ran over 5k during the summer and another 2k in the fall, for a couple of years. Her goal was to play D1 softball, you had to attend certain tournaments to get recruited. She started 4 yrs in college she's in her 30's now and runs Spartan races. She still loves to compete.

We let the kids use sports to have fun, fun was different for each child.

 

[Tony2046]

I was absolutely thrilled to read it. Where I live in Northern Virginia it is CRAZY how everyone's kids are expected to excel at sports, take extra clinics, etc. etc. What about just having fun? Everything is jam packed extracurricular activities and an eye toward being the best starting at age 3. Its pathetic. When I read that Brady has that attitude I breathed a huge sigh of relief. The GOAT hopes his kids are late bloomers? Good enough for me.

It's everywhere and in everything. Music lessons, Math clinics, Lego Robotics, Sports ........Everything. It's like a damn competition of who has the best 10 year old.

I have not subjected my kids to the "Tiger Mom" or "Soccer Mom" environment and they are doing extremely well educationally but more importantly they are a couple of happy kids.

 

[Ross12]

My daughter is just reaching the age where it's become absurdly competitive. Not with the kids-they couldn't care less- but with the idiot parents. This is second freaking grade, mind you. Seminars, camps, etc...my lil one likes soccer so I take her to Revs games and kick the ball around with her but that's about as deep as it gets. If she asks to go to seminars I'll happily support her but there's no way I'd force her to, and no way in hell I'd willingly subject myself to sharing the parents area with those monsters

The only thing, other than school, that I do ask her to stick with and be disciplined about is her martial arts work. She goes to jiu jitsu five nights a week and I hold pads/drill technique with her on the weekends. Being able to adequately defend yourself is a life skill, and a 110 pound girl with a black belt in jits can turn off the lights on 99.999999% of the population.

Note to self: don't f*** with the @jays52 family.

 

[patfanken]

A lot depends of the child, level of competitiveness and goals as they grow. I had 2 daughters, 1 played softball and soccer, the other just softball. 1 was a rec softball, she took some pitching lessons, but really had little interest beyond the town team. She dropped the sport since she wasn't interested in playing for the high school.

OTOH the other daughter was very competitive, she would play on more than 1 team during the summer, play soccer and fall softball, practice softball during the winter. She played HS Soccer and Softball, her travel softball ran over 5k during the summer and another 2k in the fall, for a couple of years. Her goal was to play D1 softball, you had to attend certain tournaments to get recruited. She started 4 yrs in college she's in her 30's now and runs Spartan races. She still loves to compete.

We let the kids use sports to have fun, fun was different for each child.

One mistake that parents these days make is try and determine at an early age just how "gifted" their kids are at sports. The thing is that at an early age NO ONE is really good. When I was in my early teens most of the kid who were the best athletes in the 7th and 8th grades, where no longer in the running by the time they were juniors.

I coached 3 kids to made for a cup of coffee in the NF. But the point is that none of them were even the best kid at his position on his HS team, let alone all state . One kid (Chris Keating) didn't start until his senior year. He didn't get a scholarship until one opened up at Maine late (IIRC) He ended lasting 7 years mostly with the Bills

I think that parents who think their kids need to make serious commitments to sports at an early age are making big mistakes. I know it works out some times. I coached Mike O'Connell his sophomore year in HS. He was very good. His father ended up taking him out of school the next year to go to Canada and play junior hockey. Now Mike ended up having a very long NHL career and wound up a GM in Boston, but I would disagree to this day that he had to give up his HS years to end up that good.

It used to be that kids KNEW how to play as kids. Now I would recommend that parents need to teach their kids to go out to play with other kids....without parents. I remember Brady talking about what a great time he had growing up playing with all the kids in his neighborhood. I would suggest that he's going to have to go through some considerable effort for his kid to have a similar experience.....and that's a shame.

 

[NormZauchin]

I was absolutely thrilled to read it. Where I live in Northern Virginia it is CRAZY how everyone's kids are expected to excel at sports, take extra clinics, etc. etc. What about just having fun? Everything is jam packed extracurricular activities and an eye toward being the best starting at age 3. Its pathetic. When I read that Brady has that attitude I breathed a huge sigh of relief. The GOAT hopes his kids are late bloomers? Good enough for me.

I coached soccer, both house and travel, in Northern Virginia for 10 years in the nineties. At the select level, things can get out of hand vis-à-vis parental involvement, long distance travel, etc., but house soccer was pretty low key. And the vast majority of kids are only involved at the house level. What makes me sad is the absence of sandlot games in any sport organized by the kids themselves.

 

[PatriotsReign]

I'd be willing to bet Tom doesn't believe "every kid deserves a trophy"!

 

[AzorianPats]

I coached soccer, both house and travel, in Northern Virginia for 10 years in the nineties. At the select level, things can get out of hand vis-à-vis parental involvement, long distance travel, etc., but house soccer was pretty low key. And the vast majority of kids are only involved at the house level. What makes me sad is the absence of sandlot games in any sport organized by the kids themselves.

There's a park right up the street from my house, and im telling you its rare seeing kids playing a pick up game of any sport. No basketball, soccer, football nothing.

I think technology has a lot to do with that also. Its just a different time now. With smart phones and tablets we literally have the world in our hands now. Its too bad really.

 

[everlong]

The push for commitment and specialization at such a young age is crazy. My oldest daughter is a really good athlete and we were trying to keep her balanced but because other kids were playing club soccer she felt the need to do it as to not fall behind. With the time commitment she had to give up swimming and some other sports where she had promise. While we're not the parents to push her into a path we weren't going to hold her back either.

For her U12 club team we were told there would be the fall and spring schedule consisting of 10-12 game in each segment plus four tournaments spread across the year. The four tournaments became seven including three in August alone to "prepare for the season". There was also 3 nights a week of practice at 3 hours each session all summer long, indoor league games that amounted to 3 nights/weekend days all winter and special skills clinics mixed in. There were also mandatory camps both Feb and April vacations for 8 hours X 4 days of those weeks.

By the time we got done with just the summer stuff as a family we were cooked and that doesn't include all of the other other kid's activities. This year before tryouts it was announced that for her team it would be upped to 9 tournaments including a mandatory Thanksgiving weekend in PA, we are in MA, and another mandatory Feb vacation tournament in Orlando.

We had to sit her down and say enough is enough this is ridiculous. She was actually burnt out and very receptive to a change. Luckily our town was starting a pilot club team for her age group. The commitment is about 1/3rd the other club. We told her if she did this she would have time to do other sports which she was considering especially running which she has a talent for.

For the first time in nearly 4 years she didn't play soccer from early June to mid August. When she got out on the field their was a bounce in her step playing we hadn't seen in quite a while. She commented after the practice/scrimmage that she actually had fun playing again.

I will also say some of the parents are crazy. They will do anything to get their kids an advantage. The push to get some nepotism is unreal. There's one woman who I swear has taken Forest Gump's mother's route. Some of them really think their child is going to be playing for team USA some day. The funny part is there is one girl who actually does play for the team USA U13 and now U14. She is so far above anybody else it's insane. The first time I saw her play I described it as this girl performing River Dance with a soccer ball. She is just insanely good. I don't know how other parents can see her and still think their child is going that route. Sure they'll probably play on the HS team but that's about it.