What would you do?
 

The following is based on a situation that I had to help someone with about three weeks ago.

A 19 year old man who grew up in a violent and abusive home is thrown out of a rehab after 6 months of sobriety because he was caught in bed with a woman, which is strongly against the rules of the rehab program. The young man has no money (I mean no money--not even bus fare), no family, his friends are all addicts, and he is not particularly worldly wise.

If you were in his situation, what would you do?
(1) Steal
(2) Prostitute yourself
(3) Try to get into a wet shelter. (Wet shelters house active addicts and also very often house Level 3 sex offenders; dry shelters are hard to get into on short notice.)
(4) Bum a fix from one of your drug addict friends so you could get into a detox, which would then place you into another taxpayer funded program.
(5) Live homeless on the streets and beg and eat out of garbage cans.

Believe it or not, this is reality for a surprisingly large number of people.

Re: What would you do?
 

Your penchant for drama minimizes personal responsibity...

When I was an active professional, ran across these types of things often and perhaps it has to do a lot with my reality therapy training, but everyone is responsible for their own behavior..

Every action has a consequence, whether it be good or bad.. sooner or later you learn to make good decisions or continue to make bad.. if you do the former good things happen, if the latter bad things happen...

Millions of people grow up in violent and abusive homes, some do ok, many less so.. but to define a person where they grew up and how they grew up, minimizes personal responsibility.. bottom line is that you always have a choice, no matter what your background is..

This scenario is filled with enabling messages, and may be harmful to the recovering person..

Re: What would you do?
 

I can't answer the question because I would never be in that situation. The question is what do you want to do for him. You can help him if you want. No one else should have to. Everyone should be free too, but not obligated to in any way.

Re: What would you do?
 

But, Darryl, you didn't answer the question. The question has nothing to do with personal responsibility. That comes later. The initial problem was that the young man faced a crisis, and frankly your argument, which avoids the reality, is the conservative response. Would you care to explain how personal responsibility would help the young man deal with the crisis at hand?

Re: What would you do?
 

Okay, weird.

I can see how a sex offender might have a "no sex" condition in rehab, but why would a drug offender?

But then again, if he's not a drug offender, why is one choice "bum a fix so he can get into another rehab program"?

I have no experience w/the line of work you guys are discussing. It just seems weird to me that because I have a heroin problem, one of the rules is "by the way, even though you're a young adult male, we expect you to turn down every opportunity to have sex." He's not a minor. Why can't he have sex?

Unless it is a program for sex offenders.

I'm just trying to figure out the facts & circumstances... as to the choices listed that is a pretty stark set of options.

Darryl, in support of the premise here I would have to say, thank God that this isn't me. When I was 19, there was no such thing as delayed gratification, and the whole point of any other cleaning up of my life would have been to have more sex in the first place.

It just so happened that my immature azz came from a home that pushed me toward College (aka, the Big Sleepover,) rather than abusing me to the point where the home was an unsafe environment. For most here, our ability to stand on our own two feet was enhanced not undercut by our homes. Even those of us kicked out of our homes early -- for the most part -- were not in the position this guy is in.

I do say "for the most part." Perhaps some of us did face similar or identical circumstances. I only say that the circumstances as I understand them do throw in a big dose of "there but for the grace of God go I."

I would love for one option on the list to be "Get a job." But when there are experienced workers with a place to shower ahead of this guy in line, I don't know how successful he'd be at self-support via that strategy.

So anyway, was the kid in some sort of sex rehab, or was "don't get laid" a condition of his drug/alcohol rehab, or was he in sex rehab of some kind, possibly as an alternative to incarceration?

I just feel like I'm short on details here.

PFnV

Re: What would you do?
 

Most rehab programs do not allow relationships because even a good relationships can be very stressful and triggering. In fact, AA discourages people from having relationships for at least the first year of sobriety.

One way to get shelter is to go to a detox, which will then house you for several days while you safely withdraw from drugs or alcohol and then move you into some sort of rehab program (if possible). Generally speaking, you need to go to a detox to get into a rehab program, and you cannot go to a detox unless you're high.

I called a wet shelter to reserve a bed for him, though I knew he would not go, given his history, and counseled him against stealing and against prostitution (though I talked to him about safe sex). He chose to get high and go to a detox, which was probably the best option, though not a good one.

Re: What would you do?
 

If you believe in God the answer is epically and biblically simple, "I am my brother's keeper."

Re: What would you do?
 

As Patters says, it's pretty much standard policy that there be no romantic or sexual relationships of any kind while in any sort of rehab.

There are strict rules at drug rehab centers. Individuals who enroll in drug rehab can expect a strict set of rules and regulations while engaged in the process. These rules (which are more likely to exist at a residential treatment facility) include no substance abuse on site, no physical relations with other patients, limited visitors and required attendance at all sessions. These rules are designed to help individuals get the most out of the program and insure the safety of everyone concerned.

Drug Rehab Center Basics | Michael's House


The following list details the drug rehab guidelines in place at Freedom Rings.

Participation in all scheduled activities is expected (unless you have a doctor's excuse) and you must be on time for each activity.
Smoking is permitted only in designated areas - please use the ashtrays.
Chewing tobacco or spitting is not permitted inside the addiction treatment center.
Strict confidentiality for any issue discussed in your primary group is enforced.
No romantic involvement or sexual relationships will be permitted. Modest dress is required. If it is felt by staff that you are dressed inappropriately, you will be asked to change clothing.
Physical violence and/or threats, sexual harassment, racial slurs or willful destruction of facility property may result in administrative discharge from the addiction treatment program or alcohol rehab.
No weapons, alcohol, drugs or pornographic material are allowed on the premises.
Headphones or CD/radios/tape players are only permitted in your room.
No cell phones are permitted. If you choose to bring a cell phone, it will be kept in the safe for the duration of your rehab and will be returned upon discharge.
You are responsible for being on time to group or individual sessions and participating in all activities per program guidelines.
You are responsible for keeping your room organized, and your bed made.
Hats or sunglasses are not permitted in alcohol rehab at any time.

Drug Rehab Guidelines | Rules

And an explanation:


Treatment is about getting better; it's not a dating service. Due to the heightened state of emotion that goes along with being in rehab, it is quite common for patients to engage in sexual or romantic encounters. The reason that it is mandatory that you stay away from such occurrences is that you are in a state of transition; everything in your life is up in the air right now. Throwing romance into the mix can serve as a major distraction from recovery for both of you. While it might feel like a relief to distract yourself, even for a moment, remember that you are here to recover from a disease, and that it takes serious focus.

Read more: Inpatient Rehab Regulations | eHow.com Inpatient Rehab Regulations | eHow.com

Re: What would you do?
 

Are you having a rough time with one of you're clients?

To answer your question i'd rob a bank in such a way that if and when i was caught i'd get the max. Then i'd have a roof over my head, eat three times a day, and have medical care.

Re: What would you do?
 

I'm inclined to agree with you but I have to point out that being your brothers keeper doesn't necessarily mean instantly gratifying a need. In an emergency situation then yes but wholesale keeping is enabling which can reinforce destructive behavior and the good intentions backfire.

In this particular case I think rehab is the best answer, though I don't have any idea how to get him there. You would think these situations are not all that unique. Are there effective protocols?