Adam warns Colts: Duck and Cover
In breaking news from Indianapolis, Adam Vinatieri has taken a break from kicking game winning field goals and shooting Ford ads to deliver this solemn message to his teammates: "Duck. And cover."
Duck and Cover is a suggested method of personal protection against the effects of a nuclear detonation which teams around the league taught to generations of NFL players from the late 2001 season into the early 2007 season. This was supposed to protect them in the event of an unexpected nuclear attack which, they were told, could come at any time without warning. Immediately after they saw a flash they had to stop what they were doing and get on the ground under some cover—such as a bench, or at least next to a coach—and assume the fetal position, lying face-down and covering their heads with their hands.c Similar instructions were given in 1985 in New England by the teams owner. and, in the 1980s, by teams opposing the 49ers. 
Critics have said that this training would be of little, if any, help in the event of such an attack, and had little effect other than promoting a state of unease and paranoia among teams such as the Cowboys, and most notably wide reciever Patrick Crayton.
Adam has seen the devastating aftermath of such an attack. He has seen men reduced to shadows of their former selves. The once great Marshall Faulk, previously a Colt, was reduced to inane blathering following the aftermath of the late aerial assault on the Rams in the 2001 super bowl. Items such as "they didn't win, we lost" could be heard in the bowels of the locker room post-game. Marshall "they didn't win, we lost" Faulk has assumed his appropriate analyst role alongside fellow great John "the team that scores more points usually wins" Madden.
Be warned Indianapolis. Be warned Peyton. Not only are those air raid sirens blaring loud and clear, but Peyton "cut that meat", "laser rocket arm", "sign an autograph for my brother" Manning will assume his ESPN analyst role before long.
Stay classy, Indianapolis.
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