Patriots Robbery Gang strikes again
(A reporter writes)
Fresh from their brutal mugging of some vulnerable young visitors from Buffalo in Autumn 2005, the Patriot Crew, allegedly led by the Hoodie wearing "Billy Boy" Belichick have yet again been allowed to go about their antics unchecked by the American authorities. Assisted by his accomplice, Scotty Pioli, he effected yet another audacious robbery.
Peyton M., a young, frail boy from America's Deep South, recalls through sobs of tears: "Man, they stole my running back".
The alleged robbery happened as Peyton and his friend, Tony D., were shopping at Drafts, the trendy boutique. "I badly wanted Laurence Maroney, the last word in kids' toys. Along comes...". Peyton was too upset to continue the interview himself, so his Dad, Archie, takes up the story.
"My precious boy had the toy snatched off him by Billy Boy and Scotty P and none of those darned security people did anything about it. They simply hid round the corner and stole it off him."
"They ran off laughing, 'We've got Laurence! We've got Laurence!'. I bought him a Joseph Addai toy, but man was he whining- He kept hollerin', saying 'I WANT A LAURENCE, I WANT A LAURENCE'. It's too much that these Northerners with their rough ways can mug a gentleman and his son, with no one stepping in to stop them. What has this country come to?".
Reports suggest that Peyton is receiving counselling for the ongoing trauma.
Too damn funny.
and what about granpa Polien?? He couldn't do anything either??
According to un-named sources, Granpa Bill initially had his hands full lugging another set of midget defenders back to the car. He's reportedly been attempting to acquire a mini defense for Peytie over the last few years, even though the kid has no use for it (he's only really interested in adding to his more expensive full size offensive collection). Granpa apparently has a midget fettish - he was over-heard mumbling about having some midgets legs broken on the way out of the store.
As they all drove off in Reggie Wayne's new 2006 pimped out Hummer, Granpa was observed hanging out the rear with both arms extended hollerin'
"THE KICK IS UP BELICHICK... AND IT...IS...GOOOOOOOOOD!!
Witnesses at the scene surmised it was some reference to the deluxe collectible kicker toy previously in the posession of a young New England lad. Peytie's great-uncle Irsay recently purchased it - after it was inadvertently placed on auction by Belichicks pal Krafty Bob - apparently in an effort to replace young Peytie's classic idiot kicker toy that Grampa Polian trashed this winter after it repeatedly failed to perform for him as advertised.
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