This guy will be on with Dale & Holley
Cash, women, good looks ... and no respect
By MIKE FREEMAN, The Times-Union
Hello, I'm Tom Brady, and I'm disrespected.
It is a brutal life being me. You just don't understand. Do you know what it means to be so good-looking that women break out into uncontrollable fits of drooling? Or slide hotel keys into your back pocket? Not the Motel 6 kind, either. Those shiny, gold ones that lead to the luxury suites. Beautiful women clinging to me, wanting me, dreaming of me in nothing but shoulder pads and an athletic supporter? Now, that is just terribly disrespectful.
I have so much money in the bank you would need a C-130 cargo plane to haul it. I could buy Donald Trump. Being fabulously wealthy is such blasphemous disrespect.
They write about me every day. They speculate about who I am dating. They talk about my breakups. I'm Googled more than Anna Nicole Smith and ogled more than Brad Pitt. More ugly disrespect.
Look at what the Boston Herald gossip columnist wrote this week about how I might break up with my hottie girlfriend: "A recent article in OK! [the British rag that now publishes a States-side edition] had a quarter-page article about the couple's alleged breakup, as well as news about Tom's alleged new love interest, Vanessa Minnillo. Yankees fans know her as short-stud Derek Jeter's on-again-off-again gal pal. Are the pickins so slim that Tom's scooping up Jeter's castoffs??? Geesh."
What? See what I mean about disrespect? Do the media in Jacksonville write about the babes Byron Leftwich dates? I mean, my women are 10 times hotter than Jeter's.
For years now, people have compared me to Joe Montana, who is only the greatest quarterback to ever play in the NFL. Yeah, yeah, whatever. If I was afforded more respect, they would compare me to Jim Brown, Tiger Woods and Babe Ruth.
Sports Illustrated named me Sportsman of the Year, which is a true sign of distasteful disrespect. I should have been named Sportsman of the Century.
The Rochester Democrat and Chronicle wrote this recently about me: "Tom Brady, America's favorite boy next door, Hollywood handsome, occasional companion of supermodels, backstage buddy of U2 front man Bono, President Bush's guest at the 2004 State of the Union address and a three-time Super Bowl winning quarterback..."
See, more disrespect. The writer forgot to call me "cute as a button." I'm on the cover of GQ and the Patriots are mentioned in Time and Newsweek. I am the media darling. I bump presidents off the front of mags. But you know what is disrespectful? Not getting the cover of Field & Stream.
I'm tired of the tiring disrespect. I got so irritated, I launched into a tirade at my weekly news conference. "I think we are being disrespected more than any team in the league this year," I said.
Take that, Jaguars. We are the ones that get no respect. Not you, despite how people around the league make fun of your record, the quality of your opponents, your quarterback situation, your mascot and your city.
I would go on, but my hairdresser needs me. Something about putting more pop in my bangs because I looked a little flat in my last disrespectful photo shoot.
Talk to you after my next Visa commercial. Now they know how to respect a quarterback.
mike.freemanjacksonville.com, (904) 359-4377
Good article but Brady never claimed to be disrespected. He said his team was... but if he did say it, it would have been funny.
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