Notes To Pats Fans Attending Monday's Jets Game
Some helpfull tips & observations...
1. As you drive through NYC looking for the Jets stadium, keep going.
You need to continue west, crossing a rather large sewage canal into
yet another godforsaken state. The stadium is located in New Jersey,
in the beautiful town of Hackensack. It's not really the Jets' stadium
but that's too long of a sad story.
2. One caveat, do not, I repeat DO NOT wear a Pennington jersey in that
stadium. You have been warned for your safety.
3. No alcohol will be served in the stadium monday, but that is not a
problem. Jets fans are by intrinsic nature loud and obnoxious
creatures and their basic behaviour remains unaffected by consuming
mass quantities. You'll miss none of the local color you came to see.
4. The coach Herm Edwards. The following analogy will help Patriots
fans. Known as the 'black Pete Carroll' he has a similar penchant for
going easy on the players and tolerating repeated failure. He stands on
the sidelines during games with a similar bewildered "I can't believe
I'm seeing this" look on his face.
5. As to coaching style, you'll be amused and entertained if there is
any need whatsoever for clock management during the game. Herm and the
clock is always a classic. Stay alert.
6. Players to watch include John Abraham their pass rushing DE. He'll
be facing 2nd team Pats OTs and should be fun to watch, that is
assuming he does not get another vicious attack of menstrual cramps and
sit out the game. This is unlikely because he's playing for a contract
and may actually give a decent effort.
7. Couple years ago the Jets traded up giving multiple picks for a DT
known as the BBWK, Bowling Ball With Knives. He's since played in
obscurity and mediocrity but last game he came right up the middle and
sacked Brady. To his credit, he did not use any knives on Brady that
play. His matchup against the Pats 3rd team OC will be interesting.
8. Say Hi to Jonathan Vilma, their talented, young, mouthy MLB. Tell him
not to quit his day job and go into the prognosticating business.
9. Contrary to rumor, not all women at Jets games are strippers and
prostitutes. Treat any women you meet with respect, even when they're
harrassing you for money.
10. After the obligatory Patriots victory, go against your nature and
comport yourselves with class. Maybe you can finally get that beer at
a Jets post game tailgate.
11. If your 12 year old can throw a football over 15 yards, please ask
for a man called Bradway as you exit the stadium. Big bucks could be
Herm and the clock is always a classic. THAT's classic.
The Giants Stadium is not located in the "beautiful town of Hackensack". It is located in the town of "East Rutherford".
The "godforsaken state" of New Jersey has the second highest per-capita income in the nation, with a median home value in excess of half a million dollars.
The prohibition of alcohol is to make the football game more enjoyable and family friendly for both the parents and children who are visiting Manhattan for the holidays.
Please. You cannot be taking anything in that post seriously, can you?
Hilarious stuff, PWP!!!
I can only add: "If you're wearing Pats clothing - stay the hell out of that long raised tunnel bridge contraption in the parking lot. It's like going through a big sewer pipe with thousands of angry bees - and you're wearing honey-coated longjohns".
Drinking would be the only way at this game to enjoy yourself.
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