From BBC.com:
An insider who has ties to the NFL front office says that the story is about to break that Bill Belichick will be suspended for the upcoming season for using a performance enhancing drug.
NFL officials have been suspicious ever since the coach, who barely had a .500 record, suddenly began coaching at a much higher level than ever before. It is widely known that a coach may naturally improve gradually over time, but to make such a sudden improvement sent up red flags throughout the NFL coaching community.
The drug that is believed to have been found in a random test is Tombradybol, a new class of performance enhancing substance.
One coach, speaking on the condition of anonyminity, says, " I knew Bill in Cleveland. He was a good coach, maybe a nine or ten wins in a good year. But a three time Super Bowl coach? No way. Now all of a sudden he's winning Super Bowls like my dear ol granny wins at Bingo and we're supposed to believe he isnt using the Tom? I may be an NFL coach, but i aint stupid."
Belichick, whose marriage is failing allegedly due to his incessant use of Tombradybol, has denied all such rumors. He testily credits his vastly improved coaching prowess to the natural learning curve of a normal NFL coach. "I took what i did wrong in Cleveland to heart. Anyone who thinks i cant coach without this T-bol, or whatever its called, is just an idiot. I have always been a natural coach, and will always be a natural coach. I did not take performance enhancing substances. Period."
Experts point to Belichick declining attention tohis own personal hygiene as another clue that he is using T-Bol. In Cleveland, Belichick was known to wear a nice brown polo style pullover shirt, with matching coaches pants. Now, in NE he is rumored to wear the same clothes day after day.
Robert Kraft, reportedly tracking down the one significant Free Agent that didnt sign with NE this offseason, was unavailable for comment.
It should be noted that Tombradybol isnt technically on the NFL's banned substance list. Its so new that it hasnt had time to be added. But experts say it might be the most potent performance enhancing substance ever.
More on this story as it unfolds.
